


A Year Without You

by Jetaimeleplus



Category: One Direction (Band), Zayn Malik (Musician)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Depression, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mental Institutions, Missing Persons
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-27
Updated: 2015-06-27
Packaged: 2018-04-06 11:26:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 49,811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4219926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jetaimeleplus/pseuds/Jetaimeleplus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Liam and Zayn were the power couple in their high school, Liam being the captain of the football team and Zayn being the captain of the dance team. Everyone around school loved them, and knew they would both amount to a lot, sticking together forever. Or at least that's what they thought. </p><p>One day, Liam went missing, no one, not even Zayn, knowing where he had gone off to or where he was. Or if someone had taken him. The news went worldwide, since Liam was well known as the guy who had been offered a full scholarship to the university of his choice and had been accepted to Harvard, Yale, Princeton, Stanford, Colombia, Berkeley and Cambridge Universities. Making it a top priority to find him. Well, that was the plan at first, anyway. </p><p>Zayn didn't know what to do, with Liam missing and having to worry about whether or not he was okay, let alone alive, put Zayn on edge as he spent his last year in high school without him. Going through depression, and so many other things. Some things he never thought he would ever experience in his life. But as the days and months go by where Liam hasn't return, and there is no sign of him, it makes it hard on Zayn to learn to live without him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: This story will contain scenes of mental breakdowns, and mental institutions, as well as minor scenes of depression.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to go over the entire story again, to change any misspellings or anything wrong that I hadn't noticed before.   
> Oh and I also decided that this story needed a song for it, because why not, right? It would make it much more interesting and complete, in my opinion, so I picked Far Away by Nickelback.

Zayn woke up on the couch, groaning and whining because he had forgotten to turn the television off before falling asleep last night. He turned away from the TV and buried his face deeper into the couch, annoyed with the news that was showing yet too lazy to get up and search for the remote to turn it off.

"This morning we found an abandoned car, no damage or people around, by Poplars Park road. The car is said to belong to Liam James Payne."

He opened his eyes and sat up quickly looking over at the TV, the want and need to sleep leaving his body completely. On the screen was Liam's car being shown at the side of the road, abandoned, all four doors opened but absolutely no damage to it. Zayn immediately looked around for his phone hoping they were mistaken and that it wasn't Liam's car. He finally found his phone under the pile of blankets and pillows and quickly dialed Liam's number.

"We're sorry but the number you are trying to reach is no longer in service" The operator's voice said instead of hearing the two rings Zayn usually heard before Liam's voice.

He began tearing up badly and looked over at the TV as the news reporter kept giving information on the abandoned car found on the side of the road. "The car was found at six this morning" Zayn looked at his phone for the time, it was nine in the morning now. "Liam James Payne, Senior at Tong High School, he is well known around town for being the captain of the football team, who helped bring three city championshi0ps to his school. Liam, age 18, hadn't talk to anyone the night prior to his disappearance. His parents would really appreciate if you have any information on Liam or where he could be, to please give them a call at 01274 555x16"

Hadn't talk to anyone the night prior to his disappearance?

Liam was with Zayn last night. Well for part of it anyway..

No, they didn't talk on the phone because Liam would usually come over and they'd spend the night watching movies. Zayn stared at the screen as Liam's picture was shown along with his age, weight, height, and appearance details for anyone who was to see him. And of course, in huge bold letter right on top of his name was the word "Missing". Zayn began crying hard, the news finally hitting him. Liam was missing and no one knew what had happened or where he was.

There was a knock on the door, Zayn got up from the couch where he had been sitting for the past hour just crying his eyes out and made his way to the door. He opened it and saw a man he had never seen before, his first reaction was to panic but he didn't once he noticed the badge on his belt. "Can I help you?" He sniffled looking at the man standing in front of him.

"Are you Zayn? I'm detective Richards" He asked giving Zayn a sad look. Zayn nodded and let him into his house, and showed him over to the living room, Zayn took his place back on the couch as Detective Richards sat on the other couch. "I know this might be hard for you, but I'm here to ask questions about Liam and if you might know anything" He looked at Zayn with a worried looked.

Zayn nodded and adjusted himself on the couch. "First question, how are you?" Zayn almost laughed at the question, but once he noticed the actual concern in the detective's eyes, he didn't.

"I'm shocked and confused and upset and sad." The det4ective, then took out a small notepad and pen.

"Zayn, was Liam here last night?"

"Yes."

"Did you two argue?" He looked down at his notepad as he wrote, Zayn looked straight at the wall.

"No."

"Did he seem off to you? Like was he acting different."

"No." Zayn was keeping his answers short because he was trying to replay everything that had happened last night in his head.

"Zayn, can you tell me everything that happened last night? From the time Liam arrived here to the time he left?" He looked up from his notepad, Zayn nodded slowly. He began telling him everything that had happened.

_"Babe!" Zayn heard Liam's voice. He smiled and walked out of the kitchen with a bowl of popcorn, it was six in the afternoon and it was time for their weekly movie night. Liam's idea._

_"Hey, babe" He walked over and pecked his lips gently. Liam smiled and hugged Zayn careful not to drop the bowl from his hands. "Ready for our movie night?" He asked walking over to the living room, setting everything up for the movie. Zayn sat on the couch nodding and eating the popcorn._

_"Which one are we watching this time?" Zayn asked trying to catch a glance at the movie Liam was putting into the DVD player. "The Call" He chuckled as he grabbed the remote sitting next to Zayn. he smiled, and rested his head on Liam's shoulder. They stayed that way the entire movie, they watched The Hunger Games after that one._

_"Babe?" Zayn looked over at Liam who was looking at him. "I have to go now, I have something to do. Is that okay?"_

_"What? But you usually stay the night" Zayn frowned._

_"I know but I have something important to do. I promise to be back in the morning and take you out to breakfast." Zayn sighed then nodded, not happy at the idea of Liam leaving but he wasn't going to argue over it. "You want to go with me?"_

_Zayn shook his head looking at the TV. "No, you go. I want to keep watching movies." He said putting more popcorn into his mouth._

_"Alright, I love you" Liam sighed then kissed Zayn's cheek getting up from the couch. Zayn heard the door close seconds after he exited the living room, he looked over at the clock on the wall. 11:16 pm. He sighed and continued watching the movie._

"So you did argue?" Detective Richards asked.

"No, we didn't. He had to leave and I said it was fine." Zayn looked at him.

"Liam left around 11 last night then?" Zayn nodded. "Zayn, we will find him." Detective Richards said closing his notepad and standing up. "If you remember anything else, give me a call." He handed Zayn his card and showed himself out. Zayn heard the door close, as he turned back to the TV where Liam's picture was haunting him along with the word "Missing"

"Where are you Liam..?" He whispered to him as he began crying again.

 


	2. Chapter 2

Zayn didn't leave his house the entire weekend, his parents had been calling to check up on him every two hours. They heard about the news after Liam's parents called them to let them know. They were away on a business trip, and had wanted to come back to be with Zayn but he asked them not to. That he would be okay. They didn't believe him obviously but they know how stubborn Zayn can be so they let it go.

Monday morning came and Zayn was sitting in his car, not wanting to get out and have to deal with the school day. He knew he had to deal with it sooner or later and he picked sooner but he wasn't ready, not at all, not one bit. Five minutes before the bell had to ring, he got out of his car and made his way across the parking lot and into the school. He had his head down the entire time, but he could feel everyone's eyes on him and that made him very uncomfortable and annoyed at the same time. He walked to his locker, looked up and was disappointed not to see Liam there waiting for him with a huge smile on his face like he usually is, but of course it was silly for Zayn to think he would be there.

Zayn walked towards it, unlocked it and began to slowly taking his books out and putting other books in. The bell rang but he didn't hurry, he didn't have the energy to hurry to class nor did he want to hurry. He closed his locker just to see Mr.Curran, the principal, standing there giving him a sad look, which honestly shouldn't have bothered Zayn but it did.

"Hi Zayn. Good morning."

"Good morning, Mr.Curran." He mumbled.

"Look, we know you're going through a very rough time. So I have talked to your teachers and we all came to the agreement that you're allowed to leave class early, arrive late, or even leave the room during class if you're not feeling well to get some air."

"Thank you, Mr.Curran. But I don't want to abuse. I don't want to be treated differently from the rest just because Liam was- is my boyfriend. Liam meant a lot to everyone here, so I don't believe it's fair." Zayn looked at him, his eyebrows furrowing the slightest bit. Mr.Curran nodded, and smiled slightly.

"The offer is still there. So you can use it or not, that is up to you." Zayn nodded, holding his books close to him."Go on to class, I have to go and make the morning announcements" he excused himself and Zayn left to his first class.

He walked into his English class and everyone's eyes were on him again, and his seat was in the first row so as he sat down he felt everyone's eyes burning holes into the back of his head. He looked to his left and held back the tears that he knew needed to fall.

Here's the thing. Liam and Zayn had every class together, except their last period which was football for Liam and dance for Zayn. So they were always sitting next to each other. Liam always to Zayn's left. He looked to the front of the class, Mr.Thompson giving him a sad smile. The speaker was heard followed by Mr.Curran's voice.

"Good morning, lions. As you all know, this past weekend we lost a fellow Lion. Liam James Payne. Liam was friend to all and a foe to none. Liam was a kind young man, he never once argued with anyone, never once mistreated someone, he was always there to look out for every student. Liam was one of those people who is rare to see now a days. He might not be here with us anymore but his kind heart will always be something we will remember."

Zayn teared up badly, got up and ran out of the classroom, upset more than anything. He ran down the halls, and out the back door of the school. He ran all the way to the football field and stopped right in the middle, he looked around crying, in hopes of Liam popping out of no where like the day he did when he asked Zayn out.

_"Boo!" Liam laughed as Zayn screamed since Liam sneaked out behind him._

_"Liam!" Zayn hit his arm and Liam chuckled. He then took Zayn's hands in his._

_"I'm sorry, Zayn."_

_"It's okay. What did you need to talk to me about?" Zayn smiled as he laced his fingers with Liam's, making the other boy blush faintly._

_Liam smiled back, "Well, Zayn, you're an amazing guy. I can be myself around you. I love that you don't judge me, I love that we can be completely weird and don't care what others think. I love that we understand each other, that we are always there when the other one need us and the fact that we have been best friends since forever has to mean something." He said as Zayn looked at him with a rather confused way before Liam continued, " I guess what I'm trying to say is, Will you do me the honor of being my boyfriend?"_

_Zayn smiled wider, and nodded "Yes, oh my god. Liam!" He hugged Liam tight, his strong arms wrapping around Zayn's waist holding him close as if he never wanted to let him go and Zayn honestly wished he wouldn't._

Zayn choked out a sob, and dropped to his knees covering my face. "Where did you go..?" He whimpered, as he cried into this hands not feeling the need to get up anytime soon.

After a little while Zayn felt not only one pair of arms wrap around him, but a lot, quite a few actually, mostly because he felt like he was being crushed. He looked up to see the entire football team in their jerseys, hugging him tears falling down their cheeks, every single one of them doing their best to stay in the big group hug.

"He'll be back, Zayn. We know he will." Louis, Liam's best friend, whispered to Zayn as they looked at each other. Of course that only made Zayn cry harder and they all hugged, right there in the middle of the field. not caring at the fact there were possibly people watching them from the school windows.

During lunch, Zayn sat down in the middle of the football field again, and stared at nothing really. He just sat there, waiting and hoping Liam would come back. When he did look around, he saw people were holding the school's newspaper, which was rare since people usually don't care much about it.

Zayn slowly got up, made his way off the field and over to the girl who was handing them out. Once again, he felt everyone's eyes on him but at that point he really didn't care who stared and who didn't.

She looked at Zayn sadly and handed him the newspaper, which Zayn took trying to return the smile but failing completely once he saw the reason people actually decided to read it that day. The first thing on the front page was "An Angel Who Lost His Way" in big bold letters. Underneath it was a picture of Liam and Zayn from last year's homecoming game after they won. He teared up again and began reading the article.

"Liam James Payne, Senior, went missing Friday September 20th, his car was found on Poplars Park Rd, Saturday morning. No one knows where he could be or what could have happened. Liam was very well liked around campus, being the Captain of the football team he was very well known as well. Liam wasn't a guy who thought highly of himself, Liam knew everyone's names, he treated everyone equally and was a friend to who ever needed one. Liam's boyfriend, Zayn Javadd Malik, also a Senior, has been with him for the past three years. Being the "it" couple at school, not because they were captains of the football and dance teams but because they never mistreated anyone. They were always there to lend a hand and always there to help out with anything they could. Zayn has lost his partner in crime, but may have gained an angel. Our thoughts and prayers go out to the Payne family, friends and to Zayn as well. Liam, wherever you are, come back home. We all miss you."

Zayn shut my eyes, and held the newspaper close to his chest, taking a deep breath. He walked back to the football field and sat back down on the grass where he had been before getting up to get the newspaper.

"Where did you go..? Please come back.." He whispered to myself as he kept the newspaper close to him, trying his hardest not to cry anymore.


	3. Chapter 3

Zayn went to his last period, dance; none of the other dancers wanted to speak out or ask anything since he hadn't said a word since he walked into the dance room, so they just watched him.

Usually, Zayn was always energized and happy, and starts yelling out orders for them to start practicing the second he walks into the dance room. Zayn was not a bad captain, not one bit, they always had fun when they practice but they make sure to work hard to achieve the goal they've set for their entire team.

Everyone was sitting around on the floor against the walls or by their bags just staring at him as Zayn stood in the middle of the room staring at the floor. He bit his lip before looking up to stare at the wall - which was really a mirror from ceiling to floor, he could see everyone looking at him, so he decided to clear his throat before speaking.

"Okay, come on. Let's practice" He said not as excited as he usually is, but he plastered a fake smile so they wouldn't worry, which of course was horribly done but no one said anything about it. They all quickly got up and formed three rows behind him, five people on each row, all facing the mirror. He walked over to the radio and pressed play to let the [music](http://youtu.be/dpPXpHx9jO4) begin.

"5,6,7,8!" He said as the music began going back to his spot in time for all of them to start dancing in sync, the song they had already been practicing for days.

_Ticking tocking like a bomb, throws me back when I had you closer, skin to skin we get it on, without the love I feel you going bolder_

Zayn stopped dancing and teared up, he couldn't do it, he really wanted to but it was harder than he thought it would be and they were only just getting started. Everyone else slowly stopped as well staring at him as he fell to his knees, crying. Harry quickly ran over to him and helped him up. He held him close, rubbing his back gently as Zayn let out a choked sob.

"Z, you're not okay. Let's get you home yeah?" He said as he lead Zayn towards the door.

Zayn quickly pulled away starting at him. "I'm fine! I'm okay! I don't need to go home! I don't need special treatment because my boyfriend has gone missing! He'll be back! He will!" Zayn yelled, Harry taking a step back nodding slightly, surprised at Zayn sudden outburst.

Zayn wiped under his eyes and went back to the radio to restart the song and go over to his spot. "From the top!" He yelled before beginning to dance, everyone quickly joining in, except Harry who slowly walked over to his place watching the rest to be able to dance in sync with them after awhile.

They danced the entire thing, Zayn held back tears the entire time. "Again" he said as the song began again, once again doing the entire dance from start to finish without stopping or allowing anyone else to stop or take a break. He could see everyone's expressions from the mirror, they looked worried and confused, some couldn’t even focus completely on the routine messing up a few times. Zayn couldn't blame them, usually he's joking around and stopping now and then to go over a part of the dance again, enjoying themselves, except today that wasn’t what was going on, he would tend to glare at whoever messed up, through the mirror and it wasn’t his intention, he was just not in a great mood.

They did the dance around five times, never once speaking between each try or even during, which again is very odd for them, mostly Zayn being the one to always try to motivate as much as he could during and in between each attempt. "One more time" was all Zayn said before he began dancing, all by myself this time, everyone else just standing around trying to avoid looking at Zayn or just looking at the floor. He looked at everyone through the mirror and stopped dancing to turn to them, raising his hands up slightly as of confusion but it was really just frustration. "Why aren't you dancing?"

"Zayn, we haven't stopped dancing for the past half hour. Calm down." Harry said trying to catch his breath by crouching down slightly and closing his eyes to even out his breathing, a few others nodding in agreement with Harry, the rest not wanting to agree in fear Zayn would get upset.

"Calm down? No. We need to make sure the dance is perfect and flawless." Zayn said slightly glaring at them before shaking his head. Zayn didn’t have time for this and he was honestly only doing that because he needed a distraction not because their dance wasn’t coming out the way he wanted.

"It already is Zayn. You're just too focused on who knows what to realize that." Eleanor said then she sighed as she looked down at Harry, who was slowly standing back up, before turning back to Zayn. "Listen, we know you're going through a tough time but maybe you should take some time off school. A day or two, then come back."

Zayn shook his head and turned back to the mirror, "If you guys can't handle this, then leave. I'll kick you out of the team, and find some others who are willing to put in the hard work for this. I am completely capable of putting my entire time, effort and energy into this team, something you guys don’t seem to be doing."

Eleanor and Harry both frowned, "You can't be serious" Harry said walking over to stand in front of Zayn, Harry of course being slightly taller than him. "We've worked our asses off for this team just as much as you have, and just because you're not okay, going through a rough time and don't know where your boyfriend is, doesn't mean you can take it out on us. We're not your puppets, Zayn, we love you but if this is how you're going to be from now on, I quit." He said before walking over to grab his bag from the floor and place the strap on his shoulder.

"I quit too." Eleanor said walking over to where Harry stood and grabbing her bag as well, followed by three more people, doing the same mumbling out “I quit too”. All five stood by the door looking at Zayn, waiting for him to probably come to his senses, or anything really.

"Anyone else want to quit?" He said looking at the rest of the dancers, who either shook their heads or stood quiet not moving. Zayn turned to the five that where by the door, "Okay, bye", he said turning back to the mirror, not before waving back at them without another glance. "One more time!" He said starting the music again, the dancers going back to their spots, quickly before Zayn got any more upset than he already was. Harry shook his head before all five walked out of the dance room.

Zayn ignored them and the way the door was slammed shut rather loudly making the mirror shake slightly and continued dancing with the rest of the dancers. Once the song finished he turned to them, all were quiet and waiting patiently for him to speak. "If you all want to quit just like them, go right ahead. I will not stop you. I have enough on my plate already, I don't need to be worrying about whether or not my team is willing to work hard to achieve the goal we set for ourselves at the beginning of the year." He said crossing his arms over his chest, none of the ten who were left said a thing, just looked at him as he waited for one of them to speak up and say they quit as well.

He looked over at the clock and realized school had ended 45 minutes ago, he sighed and ran a hand through his hair, "You can all go home, but I expect you all to work really hard from now on, harder than before." He got a few nods before they all began grabbing their bags and walked out of the room, whispering among themselves. The seconds the door closed behind the last person to walk out and Zayn was finally left alone and he finally let himself cry, falling to his knees. He gripped his hair and tugged on it as he let sobs escape his lips, shaking his head and squeezing is eyes shut.

"Where are you Liam? Where?" He whispered to himself and stayed there crying for a good ten minutes, not caring if anyone caught him crying or walked into the room to see him on his knees on the floor. He wiped under his eyes and stood up, grabbed his bag and walked out of the room turning the lights off as he did, not even turning to look at himself in the mirror.

Zayn walked towards the parking lot, not many cars were there, maybe two or three, and made his way to his car. He got in, just sitting there, starting out the front window and thinking about Liam, about where he could be or why he had left if he did it willingly. He started the ignition and drove out of the parking lot making his way home. His parents' car was in the driveway already, so he parked next to their car, again staying it in his car until he felt okay enough to face his parents. Zayn turned the car off grabbing his bag off the passenger seat and got out of the car closing the door with his foot before making his way towards the front door of his house.

He walked inside and dropped his bag by the door, closing the door as quietly as possible, in hopes no one would hear him come in, he failed. "Zayn? Is that you?" He heard his mom before she walked out of the living room, standing by the door way as Zayn sighed and looked over at her. She looked at him sadly, and made her way over to hug him, one of those caring and loving hugs she would always give him as a kid that would make Zayn feel better.

Except Zayn didn't hug back so she pulled away slowly to look at him worriedly. "Are you okay?" She asked hesitantly as she bit her bottom lip slightly.

"Just peachy." Zayn said before walking past her to go upstairs to his room, leaving his mom to look at him as he walked away, possibly feeling as broken as Zayn felt.

He walked in closing and locking the door behind him before collapsing on the bed, dropping his bag onto the floor and pressing his face onto the pillow before once again beginning to cry. Eventually crying himself to sleep, heartbroken and confused.

 


	4. Chapter 4

"Zayn?" Zayn looked up at Mrs.Thorton, who was standing by the chalkboard, everyone in class was looking at him as well, probably because he wasn’t paying attention or something, or just to check up on him just like the rest of his teachers have been doing, which honestly they don’t need to do. He’s fine.

"Uh, yeah?" He asked looking around the room before looking back at her, waiting for her to speak, the entire class keeping quiet for once.

"I've been calling you for five minutes, are you okay?" She asked frowning slightly, Zayn nodded slowly. He was sure she hadn’t been calling him for five minutes, she tends to exaggerate a lot and if she had been calling him for that amount of time she would have probably gotten up in his face. "Well, you're needed at the office, someone needs to talk to you. Take your things, you might be there awhile." She continued after seeing Zayn frowned.

He nodded closing his notebook and placing it in his bag, he looked to his left sighing seeing the empty seat which should be taken by Liam but isn’t. Niall, who sits behind him, patted his back gently, Zayn gave him a sad smile before getting up and walking out of the room to walk to the main office. He looked down at his feet as he walked, and went at a slow pace since he was the only one in the hall and not really in any hurry to get to the office since it was mostly just everyone trying to make sure he’s okay, which he is. Once he reached the office, he walked in and looked over at the ladies who worked there, them giving me a sad smile, just like every single other person who made eye contact with him.

"I was told to come here because I was needed" Zayn said holding onto the strap of his bag, shrugging slightly as if he didn’t really care to be there. Before she could reply, an officer walked over to him, showing Zayn his badge, like they do in those crime movies, getting up all in your face to let you know who is in charge and who has more authority there.

"Officer Davis, you need to come with me, please." He said putting his badge away after Zayn looked at it, his gaze going to the officer's face. Zayn frowned and took a small step back, not being defensive but being cautious.

"Why do I need to go with you?" He asked as Officer Davis looked at him, trying to be intimidating, which to be completely honest wasn’t working. Zayn thought he looked more like a puppy trying to seem scary but doing the complete opposite.

"We need to ask you a few questions about the disappearance of Liam Payne, since you were the last to see him alive. Therefore you must accompany me to the police station."

Zayn looked at him eyed wide, hearing a gasp coming from the lady at the front desk and another one from himself, he began tearing up looking at the officer, "He's dead..?" He asked not really wanting to know the answer but needing to know it, really.

"No. We haven't found him nor a body, so we can't say he is dead, but you were the last person to be with him, so we need to ask you a few questions to further on with the case." He said somewhat annoyed, as if he’s said that phrase hundreds of times before, which Zayn was sure he had.

"Then why the hell did you say 'last to see him alive'?!" Zayn yelled becoming angry and his fists clenching, the lady at the front desk widened her eyes and sort of looked upset as well but mostly towards the officer, since everyone apparently is trying to take care of Zayn no matter what and make sure he’s emotionally stable, which he is. The officer only looked at him as Zayn glared at him, he seemed rather amused by it, actually.

"Let's go." Was all he said before walking out of the office, Zayn looked at the lady who shook her head and mouthed sorry before watching the officer walk out not even turning to look behind him to make sure Zayn was following him. Zayn huffed and held the strap of his backpack tighter and he made his way out of the office following the officer.

"Don't you have to call my parents first? I'm a minor and I can't just go with you without their permission." He said crossing his arms, refusing to walk any further as he looked at the officer kept on walking.

"Your parents are at the station. I was asked to come get you since they're not allowed to leave the station either." Officer Davis said as he finally turned to look at Zayn as he held the door opened for them to step out, to which Zayn heard people shouting and a lot of flashing.

Zayn frowned and followed him out of the school, to only be met by camera men and reporters outside, lots of them, or at least what he could see from being blinded from the flashing of the cameras. Once they saw Zayn walk out they all ran towards him, trying to get a better shot of him or ask him questions. Officer Davis blocked them and tried keeping them away from Zayn as they walked past them.

"Zayn? Is it true you two argued? And Liam left really upset?"

"Did you have anything to do with Liam's disappearance?"

"Is it your fault he has gone missing?"

"Zayn, why did Liam leave? Did you tell him to?"

All these questions were thrown at him and Zayn began tearing up again as the reporters and camera men started shoving microphones and cameras in his face. Officer Davis opened the door of his car for him once they reached it, Zayn quickly getting in, he closed the door once he made sure Zayn was completely inside and looked back to the reporters.

"You are not allowed to be here, let alone interview a minor without his parents’ consent. Please leave the property before I call back up to escort you all out." Was all he said before getting into the driver's seat, starting the ignition and driving out of the parking lot. Zayn turned around and the reporters stayed behind and began dispersing, going back to their vans, defeated mostly.

Zayn sighed before his phone vibrated in his pocket. He took it out seeing he had a text message from Harry.

 **From Harry:** Z? What happened?! We saw you get escorted out of campus by a cop!

Zayn looked up to see Officer Davis was too preoccupied with driving to notice what Zayn was doing in the backseat, so he texted back.

 **To Harry:** Questioning. Since I was the last to be with Liam before he disappeared. I'm so scared..

Before Harry could even reply, the car stopped. Which really had been a very short ride or maybe just like in class, Zayn wasn’t aware of time anymore.

"We're here. There are reporters here too, so keep your head down and don't answer any questions." Officer Davis said turning back to look at Zayn before he got out of the car.

Zayn put his phone away in his pocket and gripped his backpack closer to himself, once the officer opened the door, Zayn got out with his head down like the officer had told him to do. And just like he said, they started asking questions, of course they would.

"Zayn! Do you think Liam was tired of you and left?"

"Do you think Liam left on purpose because he didn't want to be around you anymore?"

"Was it too much pressure that might have caused him to leave?"

He was becoming upset with every single question being thrown at him, he wanted to scream at them to shut up, anything really but he had to bite his tongue. Except, there was one Zayn couldn't avoid. "Zayn, were so sorry. How are you holding up?"

Zayn stopped to look up to see a man, middle aged a sad look on his face, Officer Davis turned around to look at Zayn as he notice he stopped walking. All the others kept shoving microphones in Zayn's face so he pushed those aside and walked closer to the man who had asked him that question to be able to talk into his microphone, only.

"I still haven't exactly processed this entire situation; I don't know how I'm holding up, if I’m being honest. I wish it was all a dream that I will soon wake up from, but it's not. It’s more like a nightmare." He teared up, looking over at Officer Davis, who he thought would look upset for him not following instructions but looked at him sadly instead. Zayn turned back to the camera and the man before speaking once again, "Liam, if you see this, please come home.." He choked out a sob before walking away mumbling a sorry to the man, who only nodded sympathetically at Zayn as he walked towards the officer.

Officer Davis held the door opened for him, and right as he stepped into the station he was engulfed into a hug, Zayn didn't have to look to know it was his parents hugging him. He hugged them back tightly, and began crying and shaking into what he believed was his mother’s shoulder.

Zayn didn't want to pull away but someone cleared their throat behind him and they had to. He sniffled as he turned around to see Detective Richards, who gave him a sad smile.

"Follow me, son." Was all he said before he started walking. Zayn sighed handing his bag over to his parents before following him down a long hall way. He opened the very last door in the hall way and asked Zayn to walk in. When he walked in, he immediately realized it was interrogation room, there was a mirror to his left, which he knew people could see him from the other side, a metal table, and one metal chair.

"Take a seat." He said as he walked in after Zayn, closing the door behind him. Zayn sat down staring at himself in the mirror, then Detective Richards walked over and sat on the edge of the table crossing his arms over his chest.

"How are you doing?" He asked looking at Zayn genuinely concerned.

"I'm fine." Zayn said without looking at him, as he continued staring at himself in the mirror, well not really looking at himself, mostly trying to figure out how many people, if any, were on the other side of the mirror.

"Okay, well I just need to ask you some more questions and you do have the right to remain silent and not answer any of them, as well as anything you say can and may be used against you in court." Zayn nodded as the detective stood up to stand on the other side of the table.

"How long had Liam and you been dating?"

"I don't see how that has anything to do with Liam going missing." He said looking up at the detective, no emotion in his face.

"We just wanted to know. How was your relationship? Was it healthy? Or did you argue a lot?" The detective continued not necessarily answering Zayn.

"Are you trying to blame his disappearance on me? Trying to get out of me that we had a bad relationship and maybe he wanted out but I wouldn't let him? So I did something to make him disappear? Is that what you're trying to do detective?" Zayn kept staring at him as he shifted from one foot to the other. "I love Liam; our relationship was the healthiest anyone had ever witnessed. We never argued and if we did it was about some absolute nonsense like movies or chocolate. We did not argue the night he disappeared, as I had already told you, he said he had somewhere to be and he needed to go. I didn't feel like going with him so he went on his own. Do I feel like I should have gone with him knowing this would have happened? Yes. But I didn't know it would, which is why I didn't go."

The detective looked behind him at the mirror then back at Zayn. Staying quiet for a few seconds before continuing, "Zayn, had Liam been acting strange lately like maybe a couple days prior to his disappearance, maybe even a few weeks?"

"No."

"Had he been seeing anyone you didn't know, let’s say new friends or people he normally wouldn't be friends with?"

"No."

"What was the last thing Liam told you before he left?"

"Alright, I love you." Zayn replied his eyes filling up with tears because if he would have known he would probably never see Liam again he would have said he loved him too instead of just waiting for him to leave to continue watching the rest of the movie.

It was quiet for a few minutes, the only thing that could be heard was his sniffling. The detective excused himself and walked out of the room. Once he did, Zayn cried harder covering his face mumbling "please come back" over and over. Zayn looked up and stared at the mirror, he didn't know how long he stared at it but it felt like forever.

Detective Richards walked back in and Zayn looked over at him, finally looking away from the mirror. "Zayn, you're free to go home. But please don't go anywhere far, we'd like to keep in contact with you in case we have any further questions."

Zayn nodded before standing up and walking out of the office, mumbling to himself, “Or continue keeping me as your main suspect” He looked at the detective before walking back down the hall way until he reached the lobby of the station where his parents were waiting for him.

"Ready to go?" Zayn nodded not trusting his voice. They led me out, reporters were still outside but this time none of them shoved microphones or cameras in his face, and didn't ask questions either, they just let them walk by, which Zayn was thankful for.

Zayn's father rubbed his back as they walked to the car and once they reached it, Zayn looked at his father, and teared up once again. "I miss him, baba" He said before crying uncontrollably. His father immediately hugged him and of course Zayn hugged back.

"I know you do.. I'm so sorry.." He whispered rubbing Zayn's back as he let his only son cry onto his shoulder.

 


	5. Chapter 5

**October **

 

It's now October, October 4th to be exact. Liam's been missing for two weeks now, and as each day goes by Zayn feels himself breaking inside more and more. He rarely eats now, and if he does it's very little, maybe an apple or a granola bar because that is when his mother finally intervenes but nothing more than that. He spends more time than usual at the dance studio at school. He's sure his parents have noticed he's lost some weight but don't say much, or anything at all for that matter.

School sucked, he found himself staring at Liam's empty seat to his left in every class, not paying attention to his lessons at all. There has been more than one occasion when his teachers have needed to call his name for Zayn to look away from it and pay attention, but even then he doesn’t listen, he just thinks about Liam. He doesn't eat lunch at school either, he spends the lunch hour in the dance studio, he feels like it's the only place he can let out all his frustration and pain without anyone noticing or judging, or even crying.

Which is where he's currently at, in the studio dancing and with the music full blast; the door closed of course, don't want the music to disturb anyone or for anyone to hear it and want to know what is going on.

_Mummified my teenage dreams, no, it's nothing wrong with me, the kids are all wrong, the story's all off, heavy metal broke my heart_

Zayn danced staring at himself in the mirror, wanting to see what he was doing since he was doing everything as the song progressed not having an actual routine or dance for the it. Before he knew it, he was singing along to the song as well, his hands formed fists and continued dancing until the song ended and he was covered in sweat from head to toe. His breathing was uneven, he stared at himself in the mirror while he just stood there, or more like glared at his reflection if we want to be literal.

"Zayn?" He looked at the door through the mirror, Harry, Eleanor, and Louis were standing there staring at him, as if they didn’t know whether or not to approach him. Zayn stood up straight and turned to face them, still trying to even out his breathing but not moving towards them.

"Zayn, is this what you do instead of eating? You're here dancing until you can no longer breathe?" Harry asked taking a step forward, concern taking over his face. Zayn ran his hand through his hair looking at them, before nodding and shrugging at the same time.

"Listen, we know you're not doing okay, but you need to take care of yourself. Liam wouldn't have wanted this for you." Louis added stepping forward as well. Zayn crossed his arms over his chest averting his gaze to the floor, his breathing slowly going back to normal.

"Zayn.." Eleanor spoke up, but he didn't look up, he didn't want to but he knew she had also taken a step forward. "Don't do this to yourself, were worried about you and it's only been two weeks. How will we know you won't get worse as time progresses? Liam would have never wanted this for you, like Louis said."

"I'm fine. There is absolutely no reason to worry about me. I'm just working extra hard because homecoming is coming soon and the dance team needs to have the dance perfected." Zayn said not looking up at all.

"Zayn, will you take it easy if Eleanor and I came back to the dance team? Along with the rest who left?" Harry asked, Zayn looked up to him, staying quiet.

They all sighed before slowly turning around to walk out of the room, feeling somewhat defeated, "I need you two back. There's something I need to announce on homecoming and I need you two in the team when I do." He finally said making them turn around to look at him. They both only nodded before walking out, Louis staying behind to continue looking at Zayn.

He bit his lip before walking over while taking out a jersey out of his bag, handing it over to Zayn. "It's Liam's jersey, he would have wanted you to wear it for homecoming." Was all he said before he turned around, walking out to catch up with Harry and Eleanor. Zayn looked down at the jersey, the number 29 in bold green, and "Payne" right above it in bold green as well, three stripes on both sleeves, green, purple and yellow, and another 29 in the front side but this one covering most of the front.

He lifted it up to my nose and sniffed it, immediately tearing up because it smelled just like Liam, surprisingly. He let out a sob before walking over to grab his bag and place the jersey in it before walking out to head off to his next class since the lunch period was now over, turning of the stereo and lights as he made his way out of the room.

 

***

 

"Hello students! And this is our first pep rally of the year!" Mr.Curran spoke into the microphone as the gym erupted into cheering, whistling and clapping.

"To start off, our dance team, led by senior Zayn Malik, will do us the honor of being the ones to begin this year's pep rally. So let's give it up for our Lions dance team!" He cheered before walking off to the side, Zayn looked down at the Liam's jersey he was wearing and smiled a tiny bit before running out to the middle of the gym with the rest of the team right behind him. Cheers filled the gym and he could hear people yelling out "Liam would be proud of you!"

He took a deep breath, looking around the gym and into the crowd as they all got into their positions and waited for the music to start. Once they heard the whistling of the song they began dancing, all of them in sync, just like they had practiced time and time again. All the girl dancers were wearing tight green shorts that reached mid-thigh, with purple and yellow arrows on the sides, and long sleeved crop tops, that fitted them tight enough so it wouldn't move or rise up, with green and purple covering most of the top with yellow and white accents. The male dancers were wearing pants with the same designs and colors as the shorts the girls wore, and short sleeved shirts that weren't crop tops, of course, and had the same colors and designs as the girls’ crop tops. Zayn was the only one wearing a jersey so he sort of stood out from the rest of the team.

The song changed to another one, to which Zayn had taught the dance team a week prior but surprisingly mastered in a matter of hours. Zayn was extremely focused on dancing and the music, that he didn't notice the dance team had dispersed and were not at the sides of the court, dancing, but not the way they had rehearsed, so Zayn was now dancing by himself in the middle of the gym. When the song came to an end, all the dancers ended with the pose they had picked except Zayn who ended it with a back flip. The gym once again filled with cheering, whistling and clapping.

Zayn looked around trying to catch his breath, as his team walked over to group together behind him as Mr.Curran walked over to him.

"That was absolutely amazing! We are extremely proud of this dance team, who has had the most amazing captain they could ask for, for the past three years this being the fourth. Zayn, we all know you are going through a very tough time, with everything that has happened but you were able to give us an incredible performance. Thank you." Zayn smiled slightly, nodding once. He placed his hands behind his back biting down on his lip, looking back at Harry and Eleanor before looking back to Mr.Curran. "And before we continue on with the rest of the performances we have today, I would like to announce this year's homecoming king and queen." Mr.Curran said, which was their cue to move to the sidelines, which they did, Harry stood to his left, Eleanor to his right.

"This year will be different, as decided by the entire student population. This year we will not have a homecoming queen, because we will have two homecoming kings." Zayn frowned but continued to listen to Mr.Curran as he spoke, "One of this year's homecoming king, is none other than our dear Zayn Malik!" Zayn's eyes widened before he was pushed by Harry and Eleanor to start walking over to Mr.Curran. Once he did, Mr.Curran shook his hand and two cheerleaders ran over, one placing a crown on his head and the other handing him a bouquet of roses.

"And our other king, sadly couldn't be here with us, but he is here in all our hearts. Especially in Zayn's. Our other homecoming king, is none other than Liam Payne!"

Zayn teared up badly watching another two cheerleaders run over and stand beside him, one holding a crown and the other holding another bouquet. He looked around to watch every single student and staff member stand up and applaud. Then Louis and the rest of the football team slowly walked over, him being the one to take the microphone from Mr.Curran.

"Zayn, we know Liam would have enjoyed being here and having fun watching you do what you do best, especially be able to be king with you. Wherever he is, I know he's proud of you. And we want to say that in honor of Liam, we're going to win this football match tonight, and we want to thank you, for always making him happy and motivated enough to push us all to this success."

By then the tears were running down Zayn's cheeks as he watched them all slowly turn around to show him they had gotten new jerseys just for that night, 'For Payne' was where their last names usually where and their individual numbers under that. Zayn walked over and hugged Louis tightly and whispered a thank you, receiving a nod from the slightly shorter lad.

Zayn took the microphone from him and cleared his throat before speaking, "I want to thank everyone who has done so much for me, and Liam, even if he isn't here, these past three weeks. But I also want to say that I have decided that I am leaving the dance team, and leaving Harry Styles and Eleanor Calder as co-captains." He heard gasps all around the gym, he looked over to Harry and Eleanor and they were both shocked. "I know they will do an amazing job and will bring home another championship at the end of this year. I'm sorry if I disappointed anyone but I can't bring myself to do something I used to love when the one I'm in love with isn't around to motivate me to do it. Thank you" He handed the microphone to Mr.Curran, and they all went back to their spots, Mr.Curran continuing the pep rally after a few moments. Harry and Eleanor looked at him, still completely shocked but then turned to look over as it was the cheerleaders’ turn to perform.

He slipped out of the gym without anyone noticing and walked to the football field, holding the bouquet of flowers close to him and making sure the crown didn’t fall off his head. He ended up in the middle of the field once again, just like the very first day he had to return to school after Liam disappeared and sat down placing the flowers on the grass right in front of him.

_"Zayn!" Liam screamed as he ran over to him, making Zayn squeal and try to run off and escape his grasp but it was no use because Liam was much stronger and faster than him. Liam laughed wrapping his arms around Zayn from behind, kissing his cheek gently making Zayn smile and blush. "You're so weak"_

_Zayn gasped and acted offended as he looked at him by turning his head, "That is so not true! Just like you I am an athlete I just do a sport completely different from yours!" He turned around completely to face Liam and wrap my arms around his neck._

_"I know, love. You're extremely strong, physically, mentally, emotionally and right here too" he said as he pointed to Zayn's chest where his heart is, smiling. Zayn smiled and leaned up to kiss him, Liam immediately kissing back. The kiss was slow and gentle but filled with lots of love. Just like they always were._

_They pulled away after a while, resting their foreheads against each other's. "Can't believe this is our last year here, it's all gone by too fast." Liam whispered slowly rubbing Zayn's lower back as Zayn played with the hair at the back of Liam's neck._

_"Then we better make it the best one yet" Zayn whispered back, smiling, earning a smile from Liam in return. "Absolutely" Liam said holding Zayn close to him._

_"Do you think it will always be like this?" He asked after a while of them being quiet. "Like what?" Zayn looked at him, him beginning to sway them from side to side, slowly._

_"You and I, always together, always happy, always perfect."_

_"I don't know about the perfect part, but I can surely guarantee you the rest. I guarantee you to make you the happiest man in the entire universe and to love you more than anyone ever could. I guarantee you that I will stand by you forever and ever until the day of my last breath." Zayn looked him directly in his eyes, watching them shrink and wrinkle at the corners from his smile._

_"I guarantee you the exact same thing." He said making Zayn smile just as wide, Zayn hugged him tightly. They stood there, under the moonlight, no talking, no noises, just them and the warm breeze of the night._

_That was how they spent their last day of summer before school started the next day._

Zayn looked out into the distance and wished that any second now, he would feel Liam's strong arms wrap around him and tell him he was there and everything was okay.

Except, Zayn sat there for hours, before he had to get up for the football team to practice an hour before the game started. Liam never came, he never showed, he was gone and Zayn didn't know where.

That night, the football team won, for Liam.

They cheered and cried, and Zayn watched them celebrate as he walked away from the football field making his way home, holding his dance bag close to him. It might not have been the homecoming he had wanted, but it was what he got, Zayn just hoped Liam was okay, and that just how Louis said, he is proud of him; of them, wherever he is. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The dance team danced to Sparks, like I had given in the previous chapter, and to a mashup of Centuries by Fall Out Boy and Clouds by One Direction.


	6. Chapter 6

**November**

 

October had come and gone, and Liam was still not home. It had been approximately a month and a half, everyone seemed to have gotten used to the idea of him being gone, of Liam no longer coming back. Everyone, except Zayn, Liam's family and Zayn's parents. They all still held hope in their hearts that Liam would come back home one day, maybe it would take a few more months but they all knew he'd come home. They all wished he would.

It was getting colder out, windier, the leaves had all fallen off the trees, covering the ground in yellow, orange and brown. The leaves would break under Zayn's feet as he walked down the side walk, his hands tucked into the pockets of his jacket. He made his way to his school, it was very calm for it to be morning, it was never usually that calm. No cars speeding down the streets, nor people filling up the sidewalks, he was all alone, no one around as he walked. He made his way towards the football field once he arrived to his school, since it is always opened to the public since everyone who uses it always takes care of it, and there is never an incident in which it needs to be closed to the public. Besides, a lot of people use it as a place to exercise in the weekends

He walked onto the field, being Saturday he was all alone there too but he didn’t care, he liked being alone. He made his way to his usual spot, which is where he spent his time before school, during lunch and after school, only ever leaving the spot to go to class or because the football team needed it, and of course a few hours on the weekends. Zayn sat down crossing his legs leaning back slightly holding himself up by placing his hands on the ground. He looked around taking in his surroundings, the grass was no longer the bright green it had been when school first started, now it was ugly brown, with patches of a dull green here and there, the sky was grayish and cloudy, the trees that were close by were bare and looked sad. He shivered slightly when a breeze blew making him sit up and pull his jacket closer to him.

Zayn had isolated himself from everyone in the past weeks, quitting the dance team, no longer hanging out with the people he used to, no longer going out in the weekends, no longer having movie nights, no longer dancing just for fun, and no longer trying to put effort into his school work. Zayn knew it was bad of him not to care about anything anymore, starting with his health and wellbeing, but he didn't see a reason to care about anything anymore.

Therefore, Zayn had turned to alcohol and drugs, smoking pot really, he was pretty sure people knew, his parents probably knew, but with Zayn’s new “not caring attitude” no one said anything, even if they wanted to. He pulled out a small joint out of his pocket and a lighter from the other pocket. He placed the small thing in between his lips and flicked the lighter on to place the flame at the end of the joint, he turned off the lighter as he took in a long drag before removing the bud from his lips. He closed his eyes and held the smoke in for a few seconds before he slowly blew it out. He rubbed his eyes with his free hand as he held the joint in between his fingers with the other one.

He knew that if Liam knew what Zayn was doing he'd be very disappointed, but he wasn't here. He wasn't around to tell him not to do it, and maybe that's why Zayn would do it. In hopes of Liam returning and getting him to stop because he always hated it. He took another drag making sure it was still lit before laying back onto the grass placing his arm over his eyes.

The, now too familiar, feeling finally hitting him. The guilty feeling. "Zayn. What do you think you're doing? I told you never to do that?" He heard Liam say. "Why don't you come here and make me stop then?" Zayn replied not removing his arms from over his eyes.

"Because I can't, Zayn. You know this is bad for you. Please stop." Zayn snorted before shaking his head. "I'll stop the day you return." He said before finally taking his arm off and sitting up, he looked around, he was all alone, Liam wasn't there.

He sighed and lit up the joint again, since it had turned off, he held it in between his lips as he did, taking a final drag of it before he crushed it with his foot until it was completely turned off. He blew out the smoke before getting up and putting hands in his jacket pockets again, he began walking off the field when he heard someone call out his name. He frowned and looked back but no one was there, he began looking around when he heard his name being called out again, but he couldn't see anyone.

"Who's there?!" He yelled out, turning around to look in every direction but still no one. He frowned and began running off the field, hearing his name being called out over and over but not being able to see anyone. He kept running down the streets, turning back every now and then to see if anyone was behind him, but no one was. He ran all the way home, rushing inside and slamming the door shut behind him, locking it and stepping back a few steps.

"Zayn?" He screamed turning around to see his parents looking at him worried, "Are you okay? What happened?" His mother asked. Zayn was breathing heavily and looked over to the door then back at his parents.

"I don't know.. I- I heard someone yelling my name but no one was around and- I ran home." He tried to explain still trying to catch his breath. His parents looked at each other with concern before turning to look back at him.

"Zayn have you been smoking again..?" His mother asked making him finally look back at them. "You need to stop, this isn't good for you.."

"Liam said the same thing while I was in the field, he told me to stop." He shook his head making his parents much more concerned over their son's wellbeing, probably confused too. "But I'm fine, I'm just tired." He nodded walking past his parents to go upstairs to his room.

"He's not okay at all, we need to do something before he ends up hurting himself or getting hurt any other way." His father said looking at his wife, who nodded as she teared up watching her son disappear into his room.

In his room, Zayn laid in his bed his eyes closed as he tried to fall asleep, something he hasn't done in a while either. "Zayn, your parents are worried about you." He heard Liam say. That only made him huff before sitting up opening his eyes. He looked at Liam sitting at the end of his bed.

"I'm fine. You and them need to stop worrying about me. Nothing is wrong with me." He replied rolling his eyes.

"Baby, you know that's not true. Zayn, you're into drugs and alcohol and you're not taking care of yourself anymore. You've lost so much weight, your skin isn't as golden and glowing as it used to be. It's pale and dull, cold too. Your hair has lost its shine, just like your eyes have. There are extremely dark circles under your eyes and you might be alive but you're no longer living." Liam said staring at Zayn, who again rolled his eyes and stood up from the bed to walk into his bathroom.

He looked at himself in the mirror and saw exactly what Liam had described, he sighed and looked at Liam who was now sitting on the edge of the tub. "How do you expect me to live my life when the only reason I wanted to live it is gone?" Zayn said glaring at Liam.

"When are you going to stop this stupid thing and come back home Liam?!" He yelled before walking out to his room. Liam was standing by his bed, looking at him as he became furious. "If it's anyone's fault that I'm like this it's yours! You're missing and I can't help but worry about you every single waking moment of the day! Why can't you just come home already?! All you say is you can't but you don't say why! Why, Liam?! Why can't you come back home?!" His bedroom door opened and he looked over at his parents who were looking from him to the wall and back at him. He looked back to where Liam had been standing but he was gone again.

Zayn looked around frustrated trying to look for him and his parents finally walked over to him, his father grabbing him from the shoulders making Zayn look at him.

"Son, that's enough. You need help and we're going to get you just that. This isn't healthy anymore, it isn't healthy at all." His father said, sounding like he was about to cry. Zayn quickly shook his head and looked over at his mother who was already crying with her head hung low, he looked back at his father beginning to tear up.

"No, baba.. I'm fine, please no.." Zayn began crying but his father only shook his head.

"We only want what's best for you, Zayn. And until you've graduated and have gone to uni, we are your parents and you will do what we say, because we know what's best for you and we want just that." His father said letting go of his shoulders.

Zayn looked to the corner of his room, and saw Liam his head hung low biting his bottom lip, "Liam! Tell them I'm fine! Tell them you're gonna come back!" Zayn walked over and got down on his knees in front of Liam, crying harder as he hung his head down and closing his eyes. "Please tell them you're coming back, Liam, please.."

Zayn looked up and saw nothing, he quickly looked around but Liam wasn't there. He looked over at his parents who were staring at him. "Baba.. No, he was here.. He's been here.." His father shook his head and led his mother out of the room, turning to look at Zayn one last time before walking out himself to make the call he needed to do and had been wanting to make for a while now.

"I'm sorry, Zayn.." Liam said, Zayn stood up and turned around to where he had heard Liam's voice but once again he was gone. Zayn screamed out in frustration before falling onto his knees, sobbing uncontrollably and wrapping his arms around himself.

"Why can't you come back? Why do you have to stay missing?!" He yelled tugging on his hair, pulling out a few strands of hair before he laid on the floor, curled up; eventually crying himself to sleep.

 


	7. Chapter 7

Zayn was sitting in the most uncomfortable couch he had ever sat on, it was made of brown leather and it was stiff, and it was making his ass hurt, he'd move slightly to try to get more comfortable but it wouldn't work, if anything it made it worse. He looked around the room, it had blueish grey walls and every piece of furniture in the room was a dark wood color, including the picture frames on the walls, the curtains were a horrible dull grey color, making Zayn frown at how horrible they made the room look.

Frankly, Zayn didn't want to be there, but he had no choice his parents dragged him there and he had obligated to what they said. He looked back to the man sitting right in front of him, who surprisingly had been waiting patiently for Zayn to speak, with a notepad in his lap.

"Are you ready to talk? Our session started twenty minutes ago, and it's only an hour long." The psychiatrist, Dr.Knott, said. He took Zayn silence as a yes anyways. "How are you feeling?" He asked looking at Zayn, making him look down to his hands frowning slightly.

"I don't know how I feel, how would you feel if the love of your life disappeared and you had no clue where he was or whether he was alive or not?" Zayn said looking up at the man.

Dr.Knott nodded slowly clearing his throat, "Well, I sure would feel horrible and would want answers to every question I've been thinking and wanting that person back, so probably feel crushed. But I'm asking you how you feel, not how I would feel." Zayn stared at the man, as he fixed his glasses and wrote something down on his notepad before looking up at Zayn.

"I feel empty, I feel numb, I feel as if nothing in the world matters anymore because he's not around." He shook his head, closing his eyes. "I feel like things will never be the same again until he comes home." Dr.Knott nodded listening to him speak as he wrote everything that Zayn would tell him on his notepad.

"Your parents said you've been having hallucinations, of him?" Zayn took a deep breath slowly opening his eyes to stare at the wall behind the man, "I hear him talking to me, I see him around, he tells me to take care of myself and that I shouldn't do anything that could get me hurt. He tells me he can't come back. Why can't he come back?"

Zayn flickered his gaze to the man who was looking at him, interested in what Zayn had to say. "Do you see or hear him all the time or only certain times?" He asked making Zayn shift his gaze back to the wall.

"Only when I'm in trouble or unstable, I guess." He shrugged. The man nodded jotting that down on his notepad as well. "You think I'm crazy don't you?" Zayn asked since the man hadn't said anything for a few minutes, just jotting things down onto his notepad.

He looked up, shaking his head. "I don't think you're crazy. I think you're hurting and in pain. Someone you loved is gone and you have no idea where they are, you're missing them, because you are worried at the fact that one day they were here the next they're not. And it's not like when someone dies, because then you know what happened and where they are. Liam has been gone for almost two months now, and you haven't gotten any answers about his person. You probably feel as if no one else care anymore, only you. But Zayn, Liam was very loved and cared for, just because you haven't heard any news about him doesn't mean they've stopped looking for him." The man said Zayn looking at him, listening to what he had to say to Zayn's question.

Zayn stood quiet looking down at the floor holding back tears that were threatening to spill, "Zayn, I know you loved- love Liam with all of your heart and soul, everyone around knew that, but you need to start taking care of yourself. You being so careless of your health and wellbeing isn't going to bring Liam back." Zayn frowned and looked at the psychiatrist, whose eyes widen slightly at Zayn's expression.

"Then tell me how being healthy and taking care of myself is going to bring him back? It won't. Nothing I do will bring him back! And that is what upsets me. That I have to stand around not doing anything but wait to hear news on my boyfriend. I don't know where he is, I don't know how he is, I don't know what he's been through, all I know is that I want him back in my arms so I don't ever have to let him go anymore!" Zayn cried standing up before walking towards the door but was stopped when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He gasped and turned around.

"Zayn.. Please listen to him.." Liam said his expression sad.

"Do you see him?! He's right here!" Zayn pointed at Liam while looking at Dr.Knott, who looked at what Zayn was pointing, nothing. He set his notepad and pen down to stand up, he walked over to Zayn, who was glaring at absolutely nothing.

"Why are you here Liam? What good does it do for you to show up now and then when you're not really here? Huh?" Zayn said chuckling coldly, Dr.Knott looked at him and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Our time is up, Zayn. Let's go talk to your parents." He said softly guiding Zayn out of the room, who only glared behind them the entire time, they walked over to his parents who quickly stood up, his mother taking Zayn in his arms and his father looking at the psychiatrist.

"Can we talk in private, sir?" He asked Zayn's father, who nodded and followed the psychiatrist into his office. His mother hugged Zayn tightly kissing his forehead, whispering how much he loved him and how things would be okay.

His father and Dr.Knott walked out a few minutes later, his father holding a few papers in his hand and a concerned expression taking over his face. They shook hands and he walked over to his wife and son. They all walked out and walked towards the car, none of them saying a word as they got into the car and his father drove them home.

Zayn stared out the window, showing absolutely no emotion and not speaking a word since he left Dr.Knott's office. His parents shared a worried looked with each other as they arrived home. They all exited the car and made their way inside their home, except for Zayn who decided to stay outside and sit on the steps. His parents sighed and walked inside, knowing they wouldn't change his mind even if they tried and so they decided not to even try.

Zayn looked up at the November sky watching it become darker than it had already been and slightly colder as well. Zayn knew it would start raining but he didn't care. He wasn't going to go inside. He pulled his phone out, unlocked it and something he hadn't done since Liam's disappearance, he called his boyfriend's number.

He didn't hear anything for a second before the machine spoke up, "We're sorry but the number you are trying to reach is no longer in service" He signed and hung up running his hands through his hair, hanging his head low and keeping his hands in his hair. He stayed like that for a few minutes before putting his phone away and placing his arms on his knees, keeping his gaze down on the ground. Just then thunder roared and he began feeling raindrops hit his body, slow at first then faster within seconds. He teared up and let himself cry, his tears mixing with the rain, sniffling softly.

"Zayn?" He heard his mother call him, he slowly looked up and turned to her, she was by the door with a towel looking at him sadly. He shivered from the cold as he slowly got up and made his way to his mother, she wrapped the towel around him and led him inside.

"Go shower, I don't want you getting sick." She said softly, Zayn only nodded and made his way to his room. He walked straight into his bathroom, taking the towel off followed by his shoes and clothes. He turned the water on watching as the steam began fogging up the entire bathroom, he stepped into the shower and stood under the hot water, not caring that it was hotter than usual, not wanting to adjust it.

He looked through the glass of the shower and saw someone sitting in the toilet seat. He signed and began washing his body, "What is it?" He asked softly. "Zayn, Dr.Knott prescribed you some medication, for depression and your hallucinations." He frowned listening to his father as he continued to shower.

"He's worried about you and your state of mind. You'll be going to him once a week, and you'll have to take your pills once a day until he sees you've started to improve." Zayn shook his head grabbing the shampoo and squirting a tad on his palm, washing his hair.

"Okay baba. Is there anything else?" He asked with no emotion still.

"We want you to get better, that's all. We love you, Zayn and it breaks our hearts watching you break in front of our eyes. You're unrecognizable, you're not the same and we miss you. We miss the old you." He heard the hurt tone in his father's voice, he rinsed off his hair after conditioning it as well and turned off the water.

"I'll try, for you guys, baba.." He whispered loud enough for his father to hear him from the other side of the shower door. He saw his father's blurry reflection nod and stand up walking out of the bathroom. He sighed and stepped out, grabbing a towel to dry himself off. He was tired and just wanted to sleep for days, but he knew his parents wouldn't allow that anymore.

 

***

 

"How have you been feeling?" Dr.Knott asked him, as Zayn played with his hands on his lap. It's been two weeks since he started seeing Dr.Knott. Two weeks since he's been taking the medication.

"Better" he said truthfully, nodding a tad.

"Have you seen or heard from 'Liam'? He asked making air quotes when he said Liam. Zayn looked at him before shaking his head, that made Dr.Knott smile softly before writing it down on his notepad.

"When was the last time you had a hallucination?"

Zayn thought for a minute before answering, "Maybe, three days after I first started taking the medication. Is it supposed to work that quickly?" Zayn asked.

"It works differently with everyone, with others it takes longer for the hallucinations to stop, with others it's much quicker, like with you." Zayn nodded staring at the man as he continued to write on his notepad.

"Zayn, what is today?" He asked the lad, looking at him tilting his head to one side slightly. Zayn bit down on his lip before replying.

"November 20th."

"Today marks two months since he's been gone. How are you holding up?"

Zayn frowned not knowing how to put in words how he was feeling, so he tried his best, "I miss him still, obviously. I don't think I'll ever stop missing him, even if he comes back, I'll still miss him. But I also can't help but feel this guilt, that- that maybe I should be crying and be miserable today because it marks another month he's been gone, but I haven't done that today, and it makes me feel guilty."

Dr.Knott nodded and wrote that down as well as he spoke, "Do you think that Liam would be upset with you if he knew you didn't cry or were upset today?"

Zayn shook his head, "No he wasn't that type of person to get upset over things like that. He'd want people to be happy, and try to go on with their lives as happy as they could."

"Do you think, maybe, Liam would want that for you? For you to try to be happy? To move on?" Zayn stayed silent for a few minutes before looking at the man directly.

"Yes."

"Are you willing to try?"

"No."

"Why not?" The man asked leaning forward in seat intrigued with Zayn's answer.

"Because as much as he'd want it, I wouldn't do it. I promised him forever and I'm determined to keep that promise. Whether he's here or not."

Dr.Knott smiled sadly before nodding, "I understand. Zayn, I need you to do something for me. I need you to go out more, like you used to, to try and enjoy your life again. I know it won't be the same since you and Liam literally did everything besides football and dance together, but you need to try. Think you can do that for me?"

Zayn pursed his lips nodding slightly watching the man's smile widened a bit. Once their session was over, they stood up and headed out of his office, Zayn's parents standing up to walk towards them. Dr.Knott told them that even though he's only had three sessions, he's sees Zayn getting slightly better, but that he recommends for him to continue seeing him until he's sure Zayn is completely better.

"Why did you lie?" Liam whispered looking at Zayn, frowning. Zayn looked at his parents, who were too busy talking to Dr.Knott to pay attention to Zayn.

"Because if I didn't they would give me more medication or bump up my dosage and I can't risk losing you again." Zayn whispered softly making sure no one heard.

"I miss you, Liam and if this is the only way I get to see you I'm going to take it. Even if I have to continue flushing my pills down the toilet every day. I need to see you; don't you get it? I need you in my life and I'm not letting you go away that easily, not again."

His parents walked back to him, smiling, and led him out of Dr.Knott's office. Zayn looked back at him as Liam shook his head and disappeared once again, he knew he'd appear again later on but he couldn't help but miss him much more. He needed Liam, even if it wasn't the Liam he truly missed and wanted, he'd have to take what he could get.

 


	8. Chapter 8

** December **

 

Another month has gone by, another month without Liam, another month of Zayn lying about taking his medication, another month in which he has learned to pretend to be happy just so no one worries, another month of loneliness. It was now Christmas Eve, everyone was at the Payne's house, and by everyone he meant Liam's parents, his sisters, Harry, Louis, Niall, Eleanor, their families, Zayn's parents and sisters, and himself. Everyone was here but Liam, and that's what made it feel like it wasn't Christmas at all, not after spending every year with Liam on Christmas since they were toddlers.

_"Liam! I said no!" Zayn squealed trying to get away from him as he prepared another snowball to throw at Zayn, chuckling._

_"Or what?" Liam challenged smirking slightly as he watched his boyfriend try to run as fast as he could in the snow._

_"I'll dump you!" Zayn yelled as he hid behind his father's car._

_"You wouldn't!" Liam yelled back, snowball in hand._

_"No I wouldn't but please don't throw another one!" Zayn said peeking up from behind the car as his boyfriend laughed at his expression. Liam dropped the snowball and opened his arms wide, smiling at Zayn._

_Zayn smiled back and got up from behind the car and ran into Liam's arms, jumping up to wrap his legs around Liam's waist as Liam held him up. "I love you, Zayn." Liam said as he looked at his boyfriend, watching how his nose was pinkish from the cold and how his lips were a slight white from it as well, but he still looked incredibly beautiful in Liam's eyes._

_"And I love you, Liam." Zayn replied before he gently placed his lips over his boyfriend's in a tender kiss, both of them moving their lips in sync, slowly. They pulled apart when Zayn giggled against Liam's lips._

_"What is it?" Liam smiled in adoration at his boyfriend, who then smashed a snowball in his head before jumping off his arms to run inside laughing. Liam gasped and ran after him, laughing as well._

_"Get back here!" Liam said as he ran inside and down the hall chasing Zayn, Zayn looked back and gave out a high pitched scream before running into the kitchen to hide behind Liam's mom._

_"Save me!" Zayn laughed as he held onto Karen's shoulders, Liam trying to get past his father who wouldn't let him by to help Zayn out as well. Zayn's parents were seated at the table watching them amused, everyone laughing before Liam slipped under his father's arm and around his mother to get to Zayn._

_Zayn squealed before trying to run away but slipped from the wetness of his boots and ended up falling to the floor, Liam slipping as well and falling on top of him. Everyone erupted into laughter as they watched the two, who were laughing as well._

_"You two are crazy." Zayn's father said shaking his head smiling. Liam smiled up at their parents before looking down at Zayn and kissing his nose._

_"Maybe, but crazy for this guy right here." He heard an "aw" from both moms and a chuckle from both dads, Zayn blushed and pushed him off, trying to hide a smile._

_"Idiot" was all Zayn said as he stood up then helped Liam up, but he loved having Liam say such cheesy things to him, and not being embarrassed to say in front of others either._

"Zayn?" Zayn looked up at Harry, who frowned slightly before sitting next to him on the couch, "Cheer up, mate. It's Christmas Eve."

"Don't." Zayn said emotionless. Harry sighed, and shook his head before standing back up and walking back to Louis, Niall, and Eleanor who kept staring at Zayn. Zayn looked over at the fireplace and saw the picture of him and Liam from that summer, Liam and Zayn were at the beach, Liam was carrying him bridal style while Zayn kissed his cheek. They thought it was an absolutely cliché pose but they loved it anyway.

Everyone seemed to be having a good time, completely forgetting there was someone missing, and maybe the only people were feeling that other than Zayn were Liam's parents. Zayn spent the entire time in the living room, not getting up from the couch unless to go to the bathroom. No one said anything to him, because they understood why he was so down and they tried to not upset him more. He heard everyone singing 'Happy Birthday' to Louis in the kitchen, still not wanting to get up and go over and be with him, since it was Louis' birthday and he at least deserves that, but he didn't have the energy.

"Well, you know the tradition, we get to open one present now and the rest tomorrow morning." Liam's mother said as they all made their way back into the living room, each holding a plate with cake.

They all settled around the rather large living room, and Karen began passing around a present to each person, from anyone at random. When it came to Zayn, she held it up and everyone's eyes were on him. He placed his cup of hot chocolate on the coffee table, which he hadn't even taken a sip from, to reach over and take the present from her, giving her a small smile which she returned. He placed it on his lap and looked at everyone as they each took turns to open their presents.

He really wasn't paying attention to what they got or who got it for them, before he realized it was his turn since he was the last one. He looked at everyone unaware of what was going on then looked down at the present, his breath hitching in his throat as tears began welling up in his eyes when he saw who it was from. Liam. He looked around, getting up to step out to the hall way to look down it, and into the kitchen. No one said a word, just watched him, not wanting to say something that could upset him. He walked back into the living room, the tears falling down his cheeks.

"He's not here is he..?" He asked. Liam's parents shook their heads. "No, sweetie. He got you that months ago, and I knew he would have wanted for you to have it whether he was here or not." Karen explain, sounding like she might have regretted it, not knowing Zayn would get that way.

Zayn took a deep breath before sitting back down on his place at the couch, he slowly began taking the wrapping paper not wanting to ruin any bit of it, like everyone else had, and no one hurried him either. Once he removed all the wrapping paper, he slowly opened the white cardboard box. Of course more tissue paper was inside so he removed that before he pulled out a tshirt.

It was white and blank, he held it up in front of him, frowning confused on why Liam had gotten this for him. He set the tshirt down back in the box, except he felt something inside the box as well. He raised an eyebrow and pulled out a black uv light. He looked over at Liam's parents and he immediately grabbed the tshirt and uv light before running into the bathroom, he put the tshirt on before turning off the bathroom light and then turning on the uv light.

Drawings and writing immediately appearing on the shirt. "I love you." "You make me happy" "Zayn + Payne" "You're great in bed, and I wrote this because no one else is supposed to see what this says but you."

"Oh my gosh, please don't show anyone the shirt with the uv light on" Zayn smiled and teared up at what Liam had wrote on his shirt, little hearts and stars and stick figures here and there, he loved it. He decided to take the shirt off only to check if he had written anything on the back. He gently placed the tshirt on the counter, the backside facing up, and he slowly placed the light close to the top of it. He smiled when he saw writing so he began reading.

"Well, Zayn, what can I say? We've spent approximately 12 Christmases together, this being our 13th. And I wanted to make something for you this year, rather than buying you something like I do every year, but don't worry I also bought you gifts since I wasn't so sure this tshirt would work out, hopefully it does. You know, growing up next to you was absolutely amazing, you have always been my best friend and have always been the one to motivate me to do what I've wanted that makes me happy, including you, I'm joking, this is supposed to be nice but here I am ruining it. Anyways, thank you for being the most amazing boyfriend in the entire world, thank you for being mine and making completely and utterly happy."

Zayn was crying as he moved the light down the shirt to read what Liam had written, but he wanted to continue. "I know you've probably gone into a room just to try and figure out all the shit I did to this tshirt, but that's okay, because I know I will love watching you come back and seeing your expression to what I'm about to say next.." There was no more writing but he continued to move the light down in hopes of finding something, but he didn't.

He frowned and turned off the light before putting on the shirt again. He slowly made his way out of the bathroom and down the hall back into the living room, the talking from everyone quieting down when he walked in.

"Did you know what he was writing?" Zayn asked Liam's mother as he wipe under his eyes, sniffling.

"Zayn, he-" she was cut off by a knock at the door, she quickly stood up and made her way to the door, Zayn and Liam's father also standing up probably thinking the same thing as her. They all slowly walked out of the living room, peeking over to the door.

"What can I do for you officer?" Karen asked, confused and worried. Zayn frowned and both him Geoff walked over to Karen. The officer looked at them and hung his head low before saying something that completely broke Zayn, "we believe we might have your son's remains.."

Everyone gasped and Zayn just stared at the officer the tears falling down his cheeks again. He shook his head quickly and ran out of the house, he heard yells for him to come back, but that only made him run faster. He cried and screamed, never stopping his pace, instead it increased.

He didn't stop running, he doesn't know how long he ran for, but when he finally stopped it was because he couldn't feel his face or body, since he had run out without a jacket, scarf or gloves. He shivered, the tears feeling cold against his already freezing skin. He looked around and choked out sobs before gripping his hair and tugging harshly on it.

"Zayn, baby, please stop" he heard Liam say. He let go of his hair turning around, looking all around but he couldn't see him.

"Liam!" He screamed at the top of his lungs, coughing harshly afterwards. He shook and shivered from the cold, he slowly made his way to a bench he saw and sat down. He cried, laying down on the bench and curling up. He stayed there, motionless, as the snow began to fall again, not caring, not wanting to move.

His body now felt the same way he had been feeling since the day Liam went missing, numb. He looked at his hands, pale and purple, his fingers stiff and painful. He curled up more and tucked his head under his arms, sniffling. He eyes felt heavy and he slowly closed them, knowing he could possibly not open them again with the possibility of him freezing to death.

 

***

 

When Zayn opened his eyes, not all the way, the first thing he saw was an iv machine and heart monitor to his left. He sat up, groaning as he did, to see he was alone in the hospital room, everything quiet just the beeping of the monitor being the only noise in the room.

He had a nasal cannula and he took a slow deep breath before laying his head back on the pillow. He looked towards the window seeing that it was still snowing out, and it was still dark out. Yet, he didn't know if it was still Christmas Eve or early morning Christmas morning, or if days have passed by. He didn't know, what he did know is that he didn't want to be alone, he didn't want to have to deal with himself, he closed his eyes putting his arm over his eyes.

"Oh Zayn, it's okay. You're fine. You didn't die." He heard someone speak, but he had sworn he was alone. He frowned and removed his arm, opening his eyes. At the corner of the room, by the window was a guy he'd never seen before.

"Who are you?" He asked sitting back up, staring at the stranger. Who was leaned back on the chair, his feet up on the windowpane, as he looked at Zayn with a small smirk. Zayn rubbed his eyes with the back of his hands, and when he pulled his hands away the stranger was gone.

"It's all in your head, Zayn.." He whispered to himself.

"Exactly" he was startled by the same stranger standing to his left, who only chuckled when Zayn saw him. "It's all in your head, Zayn." He watched as the stranger walked towards the end of his bed, the smirk never leaving his lips. "Ethan. I'm Ethan." He shrugged.

Zayn frowned and looked at him confused. "I don't know you, what are you doing here? I've never seen you once in my life."

Ethan chuckled appearing to Zayn's right, whispering, "Like I said, it's all in your head, Zayn. I'm not real and neither is Liam. You're the one who has created us, we're just hallucinations." Zayn shook his head, closing eyes, hoping that Ethan would be gone when he opened them. He opened his eyes only to be met with blue eyes staring right at him, Zayn screamed and looked away. Ethan laughed and climbed off the bed.

"Sorry, Zayn. Can't get rid of me. Should've taken your meds, probably regretting it now, huh?" Ethan kept laughing as he sat down on the chair Zayn first saw him in.

"Oh piss off, Ethan." Liam said, making Ethan roll his eyes. Zayn looked to his left and Liam was standing there, looking at Zayn worriedly.

"I'm not going anywhere, you know that, Zayn knows that, I know that. Just like you aren't either, unless he can figure out a way to do so." Ethan shrugs.

"I'm going crazy.." Zayn covered his face shaking his head. "This isn't real.."

"Oh it's real, big guy. Don't try to fight it. No use" Ethan chuckled, just as the door to the room opened.

"Go away!" Zayn yelled but Liam and Ethan were now gone. He looked around the room just as a nurse walked in, his heart monitor had been doing crazy he just hadn't noticed. He wanted to go home and stay away from everything and everyone. He heard Ethan chuckle, and Liam's sigh, he couldn't see him but he could hear them.

What the hell is going on with him? He asked himself.

 


	9. Chapter 9

"You know, I think you don't want to get rid of me" Ethan stated as he watched Zayn pace back and forth in his room. Zayn had been released the day prior, after being in the hospital for almost five days, to make sure he was well and in good health. Which clearly was hard to believe with the fact that Zayn was currently talking to a hallucination of a guy he’s never seen in his life.

Zayn looked at Ethan, who flashed him a cheeky grin, making Zayn sigh and shake his head and return to pacing back and forth. The doctor at the hospital discovered that Zayn had not been taking his medication since they found absolutely no trace of it in his blood stream or body, so now he's forced to take them, under supervision. That doesn't mean he hasn't stopped having his hallucinations, as Dr.Knott called them.

Liam and Ethan still constantly show up around him, Ethan more than Liam now. Zayn hated it, he didn't understand why Ethan was a hallucination and as to why he began appearing. Zayn had come to the conclusion that he was seeing Liam because he was missing him dearly, but Ethan? He didn't know, he'd never seen him in his life until now and for him to be the one Zayn constantly sees is weird.

Karen and Geoff, went to visit Zayn at the hospital after going to the police station to go and identify the body the police had found near in a ditch, twenty minutes east from where Liam's car had been found. The body hadn't been able to be recognized due the severe damage that had been done to the face, thus making the body unidentifiable but they asked them for any recognitions, like scars, tattoos and things like that. They told the police about Liam's few tattoos, birthmarks, scars and anything that they could remember would help them identify whether the body that they found was their son's. They were asked to do this since they wouldn't be receiving the DNA results for a few days as it takes a while to get them back.

It wasn't Liam.

Turns out it was a hitchhiker who had fallen into the ditch when he slipped on the snow and hit his head when he landed, unfortunately ending his life, not being found sooner from all the snow that had piled up in the past few weeks. This had put the family at ease to know that their son wasn't dead, well at least it gave them hope that he was still out there and needed to be saved.

Zayn was at ease just slighty as well but still wanted Liam to come home safe and sound and not in a body bag.

"Zayn?" Zayn stopped pacing and looked over at his door, Harry and Louis were standing there looking at him worriedly. Zayn looked at them as Ethan appeared next to them examining them standing right in front of them and very close to them as well. But Zayn knew only he could see him so there was no use in telling them, he watched as Ethan moved around the two, focusing only on him.

"Aren't you going to reply? Or are you just going to stand there and watch me? I know I'm good looking, but come on Zayn, react" Ethan chuckled looking over at Zayn who only rolled his eyes before looking at his friends who grew more worried but also very confused.

"Yes?" He finally asked, the two lads shared at look before looking back at Zayn.

"We wanted to know if you were coming with us to Eleanor's New Year's Eve party?" Louis asked, they watched as Zayn looked around him slowly as if he was following something, looking for something.

Which he was, Ethan. "I don't know.." Zayn replied as he stared at Ethan who was laid on his bed with his arms crossed behind his head, a small smirk on his lips.

"Come on, you need to get out more, you need to get back into the rhythm you were used to." Harry said as he frowned and looked over at the bed, since Zayn had been staring at it, wondering why the hell the bed suddenly seemed so interesting to Zayn.

"You know you want to" Ethan whispered in his ear as he stood next to Zayn suddenly, Zayn glanced at him from the corner of his eyes before looking back over at Louis and Harry.

"What's the worst that could happen huh? Let's go, have some fun. Come on, Zayn. Nod your head and say you'll go." Zayn found himself nodding at the two lads watching him intently, "Yeah, I'll go." He said making Louis and Harry smiled, and Ethan smirk, and that didn’t make him feel like he made the right decision, actually.

Ethan had become like that little devil that sits on your shoulder and convinces you to do things you wouldn't want to do, or that you know you shouldn't. When Zayn would see Liam, he'd be the little angel on the opposite shoulder telling Zayn not to listen to Ethan and do what was right or that he knew it was wrong to do that so he shouldn't.

"Okay, we'll come pick you up at 8, sound good?" Harry asked tilting his head slightly to one side as he waited for Zayn to reply.

"Perfect." Ethan said, Zayn saying the same thing a second later. The two lads waved and walked out of his room, Zayn walked over to his window and watched as his friends walked out of his house and to Harry's car. He watched them leave before turning back around.

"Better get ready, Zayn." Ethan suggested as he pointed at the clock on Zayn's nightstand.

6:30

"Why are you always around? Why can't it be Liam instead?" Zayn asked as he made his way to the bathroom.

"That is something I can't answer, since you're the one who makes me stick around." Ethan said as he leaned against the bathroom door frame as Zayn huffed while turning on the shower.

"Get out" Zayn said before he slipped his shirt off his body and looked at Ethan. Who only raised an eyebrow at him, not moving.

"I said get out, Ethan." Zayn said sternly before Ethan disappeared out of sight, making Zayn sigh.

"You do know that's all you have to say if you don't want him around, right?" Zayn looked behind himself through the mirror to see Liam leaning back against the wall. He nodded softly before fully undressing himself and stepping into the shower, letting the hot water relax him slightly.

"Why do you keep him around? And better yet, why do you even listen to him?" Liam asked from the other side of the glass. "I don't know" Zayn mumbled as he continued to stand under the water. He sighed as he began to wash his body minutes later.

"Why do I keep seeing you? Hearing you? Having conversations with you? Why won't you just come home?" Zayn asked after minutes of silence as he rinsed of his body waiting for Liam to reply.

"Zayn, you know well that you're the one who keeps me around, talk to me, and keeping making me appear when Ethan is too annoying." Liam said softly, barely being able to be heard because of the water.

"Oh shut up, he obviously likes me better than you if he keeps me around almost 24 hours a day!" He heard Ethan yell from his bedroom. Zayn sighed and continued on to shampoo his hair.

"I'm his boyfriend, which means he automatically likes me better than you." Liam replied, his voice annoyed and angry. Zayn smiled slightly as he heard that, standing under the water as he ran his fingers through his hair making sure to get every side rinsed off.

"You still haven't answered me, why can't you come home?" Zayn said once again. Liam didn't reply. Zayn shook his head before conditioning his hair, trying to get out of the shower quicker knowing that he'd been there for a while.

"I just can't." Liam replied many minutes later. Zayn bit down on his bottom lip and turned off the water, he slides the door opened to step out and grab a towel to wrap around his waist. Liam no longer there. He stepped out of the steamed filled bathroom and looked over at Ethan who was sitting in his chair by his desk, with his feet placed on the desk top.

"Do you know why he can't come home?" He asked Ethan who only shrugged before he tilted his head back on the chair and stared at the ceiling.

"What's the point of having you two around if you're no help at all?" Zayn said, more to himself than anything, before he began drying off and looking for his clothes. He wished they'd give him answers, but he knew it was useless, since they were only in his head, creations of his mind, nonexistent to anyone else but him.

 

***

 

Zayn looked around the room, the house was quite big and there was a fair amount of people there, mostly people from their school. He seemed extremely out of place, not having Liam by his side and being alone since his friends had all scattered into the party. He looked down at the beer bottle he held in his hand, he wasn't much of a drinker, well wasn’t up until a few weeks ago but then his parents made him stop, but it seemed that was the only thing he could really do at the party. Everyone was inside due to it snowing once again, with the amount of people dancing in the living room and at random places around the house it was rather warm inside.

Zayn looked around the living room, spotting Eleanor laughing along with a few people from the dance team, Louis and Harry trying to dance along to the song but failing horribly, Niall over by the kitchen chatting along with some girls, probably getting pissed drunk, like always. He sighed and brought the bottle to his lips, taking large gulps before finishing off the beer, walking over to the kitchen to discard the empty bottle and grab a new one from the fridge. He decided to walk around not really wanting to just stand in one place and not try to enjoy the party, even though he wasn't enjoying it at all. He got a few sad smiles from people as he walked by, people who knew he seemed to not want to be there with Liam's absence.

Zayn looked up at the clock that was over the fireplace as he heard it was barely a half past ten. He had been there for two hours and a half and he wanted to go home. He hadn't really socialized with anyone, not wanting to really, and because he felt incomplete since Liam was usually the one to start conversations with people for the both of them.

"Are you bored?" Zayn looked to his left as he leaned against the wall to look at Ethan who observed everyone around them. "I say we get out of here and go have some fun of our own" he continued, making Zayn frown. Zayn had already had five drinks, feeling slightly dizzy and buzzed, he looked around no one really noticing his presence. He finished his last drink before nodding at Ethan, whose smile grew wide as he followed Zayn into the kitchen for him to discard the bottle.

"Zayn, stay here" He looked to his right, after throwing the bottle into the trash bin, at Liam. "You're drunk, somewhat, it's better if you stay here." Liam looked at him, pleadingly. Zayn shook his head.

"You're not here, what's the point?" He said before walking out of the kitchen, Ethan following suit as he winked over at Liam, who frowned. Zayn grabbed his coat and slipped it on before walking out of the house, no one really noticing or paying attention.

The cold wind hit him immediately, making the effects of the alcohol in his system become stronger as he walked down the sidewalk. "Where are we going?" He ed Ethan who walked to his left.

"Just keep walking, you're the one guiding me." Ethan said making Zayn look at him before nodding and continuing to walk, not saying another word. Zayn didn't know how long he had been walking for, where he had been walking to, or where he was currently at. Zayn lifted his head from looking down at his feet, he looked around and noticed he was in what looked like the woods.

"Hey, Zayn. Do you wanna know why Liam hasn't returned?" Zayn head was throbbing as he looked over at Ethan trying to keep his eyes opened, the effect of the alcohol worsening with the cold he was feeling.

"You know why he can't come back?" Zayn asked as he tried to steady himself as he continued to walk through the trees, Ethan a few steps ahead of him.

"Well it's only fair that I tell you, don't you think?" Ethan chuckled before they came out onto a clearing, the ocean straight ahead, the night sky clear and dark. They stepped forward, which is when Zayn realized they were on a cliff a good 100 to 150 feet above the water. Zayn stumbled back before looking at Ethan. Zayn looked around, they were half an hour away from Eleanor's house, he brought his phone out of his coat pocket to check the time.

11:55

5 minutes before midnight.

5 minutes before the new year.

5 minutes before he'd have to start a new year without Liam.

He placed his phone back into his pocket and looked at Ethan, who had his arms crossed over his chest watching Zayn's actions. "Tell me. Why isn't Liam home yet?" Zayn asked, he felt like everything around him was spinning. Ethan chuckled as he watched Zayn struggle to keep himself standing and struggling to keep his eyes open.

Ethan knew Zayn's head was hurting, he knew he was drunk, he knew Zayn wouldn't comprehend what he was doing, that Zayn would be too gullible to believe everything Ethan would tell him. I mean, he had followed Ethan to the cliff, he had decided to leave the party at Ethan's request, he even ignored when Liam told him not to leave. Ethan had a fair advantage over Liam.

Yes, they were both made up in Zayn's mind. But they were making Zayn believe they were their own person, when really as much they seemed to be real and control their actions and words, Zayn was the one controlling them. Zayn was the one who was making Ethan and Liam appear out of nowhere, he was the one who would make them talk, keep conversation with him, do what they did. Zayn controlled them, he just didn't know it.

"He's dead, Zayn. Liam hasn't returned because he's dead." Ethan said coldly watching Zayn face go from confused to scared.

Zayn quickly shook his head making the headache worse, "That's not true, he's alive. He's okay. He's not dead." He said as he brought his hands up to place on his head, somehow wanting to stop the horrible throbbing.

"Oh come on, Zayn!" Ethan said throwing his arms up in frustration, "Liam is dead! He's gone! He's flat line! Not coming back! He is dead." He said staring at Zayn.

"No! He's not!" Zayn yelled narrowing his eyes at Ethan. Ethan stepped closer to Zayn as Zayn's eyes filled with tears and he tugged on his hair.

"He's dead, Zayn. Why don't you join him?" Ethan said making Zayn look at him confused.

"What?" Zayn whispered as Ethan looked back at him with a serious expression.

"Join him, he's dead Zayn, he's not coming back. If you want to be with him so badly" Ethan looked to the end of the cliff before continuing to speak, "Join him, jump off the cliff and soon you'll be with Liam. Being able to hold the other in each other's arms."

He looked back at Zayn who was staring at the end of the cliff. Zayn took a few steps towards the end of the cliff, close enough to look down at the dark, cold crashing waves. He looked back at Ethan who nodded in encouragement.

"I'll be with him if I do it?" He asked watching Ethan nod, a stupid smile on his face. "You want to be with your boyfriend and I'm giving you a way to be able to do that, it's up to you if you want to take the opportunity or not."

Ethan shrugged as he watched Zayn turn back to look at the water 100 feet below them, he could tell by the way Zayn was frowning that he was considering it, that and the fact that Ethan can literally tell what Zayn was thinking since he is just a hallucination created by Zayn himself. As Zayn closed his eyes and prepared himself to take two steps forward and let himself fall from the cliff, he heard someone calling out his name in the distance.

Ethan frowned and watched as Zayn stepped back to turn around and look around to figure out where the voice was coming from. "Happy New Year" He heard Liam whisper in his ear before Zayn felt himself fall and hit the cold rock underneath him, before everything became dark.

 

***

 

Zayn woke up in his room, with an extremely horrible headache and horribly dry mouth. He turned to his right to see a glass of water and some painkillers on his nightstand. He sat up just enough to be able to take the pills before laying back down on his bed.

"Zayn?" He looked up to see his mother by the door, a worried expression on her face, which seemed to be the only expression she ever had nowadays. "Zayn, what happened last night?" She asked as she made her way over to her son's bed to sit at the end of the it.

Zayn frowned trying to remember what happened last night, but he couldn't remember, not one thing. The last thing he remembered was walking into the kitchen at Eleanor's house, everything else after that is a blur. "I don't know.."

"Zayn, we found you passed out half an hour away from Eleanor's house, by the cliff outside of the woods." His mother looked at him and he grew confused, still trying to remember what happened. "I honestly don't remember.."

He looked at his mother who nodded slowly. "Well your father and I have made a decision, which you're really not allowed to protest or disobey since you're not 18 for another 11 days, and even then you won't be allowed to have a say in our decision." She spoke softly.

Zayn stated at her, frowning. "What do you mean?" He finally asked sitting up to look better as his mother. "We're sending you off to a mental hospital, you refuse to take your medication and even then we don't think it's helping. Dr.Knott suggested it after we told him about last night, and after a long talk, your father and I agreed to go along with it."

Zayn stared at his mother in disbelief, tearing up before shaking his head. "No.. Please don't do this to me.." He said crying, his mother only looked down before standing up to leave the room.

"I'm sorry, Zayn but you really leave us no choice" She said before walking out of the room, leaving a crying Zayn alone. Sort of.

"Bummer" Ethan said from the chair by Zayn's desk. "That's gonna suck, but hey you'll still have Liam and I" he grinned making Zayn choke out a sob. He couldn't believe he was being sent out to a mental hospital, there was nothing wrong with him, he wasn't crazy, all he needed was his boyfriend back. He needed Liam back and everything would go back to normal.

 


	10. Chapter 10

** January **

 

Zayn was currently looking out the window of the plane, his mother sitting next to him and his father sitting next to her. They were on their way to Traverse City, Michigan, to the Traverse City State Hospital, where Zayn would be admitted. Dr.Knott suggested the hospital, even made the calls himself to get Zayn admitted and give the hospital all the information they need to know about Zayn, like what medications he should be taking and the reason behind him acting the way he is.

What made Zayn most upset was that it was a few days before his 18th birthday and he had absolutely no say in all of this, what he had to say or how he felt about the situation didn't matter to anyone. Zayn's parents went to his school and talked to the administrators about what would be happening and they said that they'd get in contact with the hospital so Zayn could continue his education even being away from home, and if he kept his grades up like he should, they'd release him for a week for him to attend the graduation back home.

Zayn, at the beginning of the year, was told by the principal and vice principal that by the look of his grades and his outstanding educational standing he'd be the valedictorian for that year, all they asked was for him to keep his grades up like he had done the past three years and not get into any trouble and he was home free. Sadly, that didn't happen, Zayn's grades dropped immensely and he was now being sent to a mental hospital. But since they understood completely why that had happened they allowed him a second chance, despite being on the other side of the world for the remainder of the year. If by the end of the semester he hadn't brought his grades up to what they used to be, they'd have to announce someone else as valedictorian, the second option was Liam but with him being missing they'd had to go with their third option, which was Harry.

Zayn sighed as he had to sit there for another three hours, he hated flying especially when it was to somewhere he didn't want to go at all. He looked over at his parents who were asleep, holding hands, Zayn smiled slightly at that before turning back to the window. Everyone back home, when they heard about what had happened on New Year's Eve, went to check on Zayn. Harry, Louis, Eleanor and Niall were there when he had woken up and had been told by his mother he was being sent away.

_"You know it's for the best, Zayn" Harry whispered as he held Zayn close. They were all cuddling on Zayn's bed, which surprisingly fit them all comfortably._

_"We'll be here when you come back, when you come back well and healthy again" Eleanor added running her hand slowly through Zayn's hair. Louis and Niall nodded as they looked up at him from where they were laying on the bed. Zayn sighed and teared up looking at each of them before letting out a choked sob._

_They all looked at him sadly and quickly gave him a group hug, Zayn crying into Harry's neck. "Well isn't that precious." Zayn heard Ethan's voice from somewhere around the room. "They're acting like they actually care" Ethan chuckled making Zayn frown and hide his face deeper into Harry's neck. He sniffled as Harry rubbed his back gently, Eleanor, Louis and Niall looking at them. "You do know that the minute you leave they're going to act like nothing ever happened and go on with their lives? They'll forget all about you, Zayn." Ethan said making Zayn let out another sob shutting his eyes tightly._

_"Shh, Z. It's going to be okay." Louis said as he took Zayn's hand in his rubbing his knuckles lightly with his thumb. "We know you'll get better and get through this. Do it for Liam." Zayn nodded slightly, gripping Harry closer afraid that if he'd let go they would all do what Ethan said, forget about him. They stayed like that for around three hours, whispering sweet nothings to Zayn to calm him down and stop him from crying. Niall getting Zayn to eat, at least a little bit. Louis got Zayn to get up and shower, and change into clean clothes. Eleanor would play with his hair while he listened to them talk about all the things they did together along the years. And Harry singing him to sleep before they all left, seeing as Zayn looked tired and also like he hadn't slept in weeks._

_"Poor Zaynie, so clueless as to what will happen the second he gets on the plane. Everyone will forget about him and act like he never existed." Ethan said as Zayn whimpered in his sleep._

_"Will you shut up? You're not making things better at all. Why do you even exist?" Liam glared at Ethan, as they each stood on either side of Zayn's bed._

_"Because your boyfriend wants me to exist." Ethan smirked, "And all I'm doing is being realistic here, Liam. I mean the odds of you actually returning are one in ten billion, the odds of them actually forgetting Zayn once he leaves are one in two." Ethan shrugged, making Liam frown before looking down at a sleeping Zayn, who had a tear running down his cheek._

"We'll be arriving at our destination in approximately half an hour." The captain said over the intercom, making Zayn look away from the window he had been staring out of for the past ten hours. His parents were now awake, and they looked over once they saw him look away from the window out of the corner of their eye.

"Zayn?" He looked to his right, his mother looking at him concerned. "We're only doing this because we love you, and we want you to get better."

"If you loved me, you wouldn't be sending me away to be alone for the next six months, you'd be there for me helping me get better like parents should. Not give up on me and hand me over to the government to deal with." Zayn said emotionless.

"That is now what we're doing and you know that." His mother said her voice cracking at the end.

Zayn rolled his eyes and looked out the window again before replying, "The hospital is ran by the state, that is the government, how are you not handing me over to the government when it's clear that's what you're doing."

"Zayn." His father said sternly, Zayn looked at him, not saying a word. "What did you expect us to do? It has been three months and you've already put your life at risk twice, laying in the cold to possibly freeze to death and almost jumping off a cliff. You haven't been taking your medication, and you've lied to Dr.Knott about getting better, all for what? Huh?"

"How would you feel if mum suddenly went missing, with absolutely no trace or clues to help police or you know where she has gone or whether or not she's alive? Just have her ripped out of your life, suddenly. One minute have her the next you don't. Do you think you'd be all fine and dandy? Happy and moving on easily? Huh?" Zayn replied, his mother looking down to her lap and his father staring back at Zayn, before tearing up and looking down as well.

"I'd be crushed, I'd be devastated, I wouldn't be able to sleep, or eat until she was back in my arms. I'd go crazy." He whispered answering Zayn after a minute.

"Then now you know somewhat how I feel, not exactly but you can only imagine. Liam has been in my life since we were toddlers and you expect me to just forget about everything we went through together, like he never existed, like he isn’t the love of my life? I don't think so." Zayn said a tear rolling down his cheek, which he quickly wiped off. "So don't say that the way I'm acting is stupid because you well know you would do the same if you were in my shoes." His mother and father stood quiet, continuing to look down at their laps.

"Attention passengers, we've landed. Please exit in an orderly fashion and enjoy your stay." The caption said over the intercom, Zayn and his parents waited for most of the people on the plane to get their carry ons and exit the plane before doing the same. None of them spoke a word as they did, Zayn walking a few steps behind his parents, not really wanting to be close to them at the moment.

Zayn understood they wanted to help but sending their only son away to the other side of the globe to be taken care by the government, is stupid, in Zayn's mind. They raised him and cared for him for so long what makes this different?

They went to baggage claim, retrieving their suitcases and exiting the airport, his father hailed a cab and gave him the address of the hospital. The driver looked at them once his father gave the address, his eyes immediately landed on Zayn and he gave him a sad smile. Zayn returned it as they all settled into the backseat, sitting the same they did when they were on the plane.

They were all quiet during the drive, Zayn avoiding his parents’ stares and just looking out the window watching the buildings, cars, trees and houses as they went by. Once the hospital came into view, Zayn wanted to cry, he was actually going to be staying here, nothing he had said on the plane had changed his parents mind like he hoped it would. The driver stopped in the entrance and helped them take their luggage out of the trunk, Zayn slipped out of the cab staring at the building in front of them. His father thanked the driver before paying him, the man made his way back to the driver's side and looked at Zayn who looked back at him.

"I'm sorry, kid." He said before getting into the cab and driving off. Zayn stared at the spot the cab had just been for a while before he looked over at his parents who were waiting for him. He walked past them towards the building, he heard two soft sighs as they made their way to the entrance.

Once inside, Zayn looked around, wanting to walk out the door and run to as far as his legs would take him. He sighed before following his parents over to the front desk, where a lady around her late forties was sitting behind the counter typing away on her computer. She looked up and smiled when she saw the three.

"Visiting, or admitting?" She asked, staring at his parents before looking at Zayn, who gave her a sad look and she returned it, realizing they were admitting.

"Admitting." His father answered, she nodded and gather a clipboard with the papers that needed to be filled out. "What's the patient's name?" She asked, looking at his mother while his father filled out the forms.

"Zayn Javadd Malik." The lady nodded and began typing again, she clicked a few things and then looked up at Zayn's father as he handed back the clipboard.

"Okay, well a nurse will be here you in a few minutes to escort you to your room, and explain to you the rules and procedures you will have to follow." She said, mostly at Zayn who nodded at her as a response. His parents stepped aside and as soon as Zayn was going to do the same, the lady stood up and held her hand out to him. Zayn looked at her confused.

"My name is Sarah; I'm guessing you're the one being admitted. I know it's scary but I'll be here if you ever need anything." Zayn smiled at that and shook her hand, nodding.

"Zayn, and thank you." They let go and Zayn followed his parents. They waited approximately five minutes before a male nurse walked over to them.

"Hello, my name is Tyler, and I'll be escorting you to your room." He introduced himself, Zayn nodded, along with his parents. "Now, since we focus on needs or wants of the patients, I have to ask, would you like your parents to accompany you to your room before they have to leave?" He said turning to Zayn, his parents quickly looking over at Zayn.

Zayn was tempted to say no, for them to leave, but really he wanted to be with his parents as long as he could before he had to stay on his own with hundreds, thousands of other patients and nurses he didn't know.

"Yeah, they can come." He answered, Tyler nodded and asked them to follow him. They got into an elevator and went to the third floor of the building. They walked down a long hall way before stopping at a room towards the end of the hallway, Tyler unlocked it and opened the door for them to step into the room.

The first one to enter was Zayn, he looked around the room and looked just like a normal hospital room, except there was no tv, machines or bathroom in the room. Zayn turned to his parents who watched him take it all in. Zayn took a deep breath because he felt like he was going to cry.

"Okay, well here at some rules you have to know, you're not allowed to leave the building without a nurse or doctor with you at all times, you're not allowed to go into other floors unless told to, you will have to take your medication the moment it is brought to you, and the nurses will make sure you do take it, you are to attend group therapy sessions when told to do so, and you must meet with the psychiatrist assigned to you at your assigned time, which will be informed to you later on.” Zayn looked at him, bored really but listened anyways.

“You must be in bed by nine and you must eat at least half of the meals that will be provided to you, or you will not be allowed to leave your room. There are many activities around the facility, like a music room, art room, dance room, things like that, but those are privileges not rights. Break any rules and those privileges will be take away from you. There are jobs assigned to the patients, and they are given a schedule to follow for those jobs. And that's basically it, any questions?" Tyler explained looking at Zayn and his parents.

"Just one." Zayn said crossing arms over his chest. "Why is this called a hospital when it feels more like a prison? I mean, am I going to get called inmate and beaten when I don't do as what is said?" His parents gasped and stared at Zayn.

Tyler chuckled and shook his head, "It might feel that way, but trust me this place is so much better than a prison. You won't get treated badly here, we're here to help you not make things worse." Zayn nodded before looking at his parents, who now had to say goodbye. They set down Zayn's bags and hugged him tightly, both of them crying as they did. Zayn quickly hugged back tightly, sobbing not wanting them to leave him there.

"We love you so much." His mother said, his father nodding. Zayn looked at him, still crying. They pulled away and looked over at Tyler who smiled sadly at them. "We'll see you soon." His father said before they began walking towards the door. Zayn's eyes widened and ran after them hugging his father's legs.

"No! Please don't leave me!" He sobbed, Tyler having to grab Zayn and pull him away, so his parents could leave. Tyler apologized before he let go of Zayn and walked out after his parents, closing and locking the door behind him. Zayn began breathing heavily as he looked around the room, sobbing uncontrollably. He got up from the floor and ran to the window, he looked out and saw his parents walk out and get into a cab a few minutes later, before it drove away. He was all alone now, and that scared him more than anything.

"You still have me." Ethan chuckled, making Zayn sob louder as he curled up on the floor hugging his knees. He didn't want to be there, he wanted to be back home, cuddling his boyfriend on his bed, but that wasn't going to happen so Zayn could only hope those six months went by fast.

 


	11. Chapter 11

The next day, not that Zayn had been able to sleep at all, he sat on his bed until a nurse went and unlocked his door for him. They had taken away his clothes and personal items, replacing them all with hospital clothes, so currently he was waiting for them to open the door for him to be able to go take a shower. He sighed and stared out of the window, the day was cloudy and grey, he wanted to leave already and he hadn't even been there for 24 hours.

Five minutes later he heard his door unlock, and a nurse, whom he met the night before named Kelly, walked in with a new set of clothes and a toiletry bag. She smiled and made her way over to Zayn setting the things on the bed.

"Good morning, sleep okay?" She asked looking at Zayn, who only shook his head. "I'm sorry, it's hard to get used to. But you'll see that once you realize we're only trying to help you'll be able to be here without feeling uncomfortable." She said giving Zayn a reassuring smile. He nodded and looked over at the things she had placed on the bed.

"Where do I go to shower?" Zayn asked her, since they hadn't exactly given him a tour of the facility. They locked him in his room after his parents left, only going to take him lunch and dinner, which he barely touched, then later on to give him clothes to change into to go to bed.

"Just follow me." She said making her way towards the door, Zayn got out of the bed, taking the items in his arms and following her. She led him down the hallway, turned a corner and led him down another hallway before stopping in front of two doors. She pointed at the one he needed to go into.

"Don't worry about, other's being in there at the same time as you. We only allow one person to shower at once, so it's like a bedroom bathroom, except not decorated like one would be." She explained. Zayn nodded and knocked on the door before entering, Kelly smiled before walking away. Not before telling Zayn to return to his room after he was done. Zayn closed and locked the door behind himself, he sighed and set his things down, before walking over to turn on the shower. He began undressing himself, waiting for the water to warm up at least a tad. He grabbed everything he needed to shower and stepped into the shower. He thought about Liam, his parents, his friends, his home, his bedroom, his school and everything from back home, trying not to cry as he showered. He didn't want to be there, but he had no choice. Not anymore.

Once he was done, he turned the water off grabbing the towel that was provided, dried himself off before changing into the clothes quickly. He brushed his teeth and made sure he wasn't leaving anything behind as he exited the bathroom. As Zayn walked out, he was greeted by a security guard, he raised an eyebrow at him before the man spoke.

"I'm here to escort you back to your room." The man said, simply. Zayn nodded slowly before they both began walking.

"Why?" Zayn asked looking up at the tall rather buff man.

"Because you're new, and are aware that you are capable of escaping if you had the chance. You don't want to be here, so you'd do anything to get out. Patients who have been here longer, have given up on trying to escape because they know there's no use. New patients, like yourself, probably don't think they'll be able to handle being here and would want to leave right away, hence trying to escape." The man explained, Zayn nodding as he spoke.

"Is there going to be someone following me all the time?" Zayn asked as they reached his room. The man, who Zayn later found out was Officer Hank, shook his head.

"Probably just the first few days, but really, the first few days they won't let you leave your room as much as they let the other patients do. But don't worry kid, everyone here is very friendly, they won't hurt you. Just, once they do let you roam around on your own, avoid the other patients, some of them can get a bit, rowdy, I guess you can say. They get very territorial and possessive about things."

Zayn nodded slowly. "Okay, thank you." Zayn smiled lightly at the man before walking into his room, putting his things away and walking over to sit down on his bed. Officer Hank, closed the door behind Zayn and locked it before leaving to continue with his job. Zayn's bed had been made, and there was a tray of food on one of the night stands. He looked at it, and it didn't appeal to him at all, he wasn't hungry but he already knew better than to not eat at least half. He sighed and nibbled at a slice of toast. He ate it slowly, taking tiny bites from time to time, drinking the juice that had been provided.

There was a knock on the door, followed by the sound of it unlocking. Kelly walked in, a cup in her hand, she walked over to Zayn handing the tiny cup to him. He looked into it and saw it was his medication. He sighed and looked at her, as in begging her not to make him take them.

"Zayn, you need to." She said as she handed him the glass of juice. He groaned and placed the pills in his mouth, downing them with the rest of the juice. Kelly then made him open his mouth, and move his tongue around to make sure he hadn't kept them. She checked every inch of his mouth before nodding. "You've barely touched your food." She pointed out, Zayn looking from her to the tray.

"I ate toast." He said, hopefully so she wouldn't make him eat more. "That's a start, but you need to start eating more okay? And I understand it's hard for you, since your parents did inform us you rarely ate back home so making you eat a huge portion after being used to eating close to nothing won't be good for you." Zayn smiled at that, Kelly at least was a bit more understanding.

"But try to okay?" Zayn nodded as she picked up the tray and made her way over to the door.

"She's cute." Ethan spoke up, Zayn frowned and turned to look at the chair that was placed by the door. "Stop, go away will you? I'm not in the mood to deal with you." Zayn huffed, glaring at Ethan. Ethan only chuckled as he turned to look at Kelly who was still by the door, staring at Zayn. Zayn looked away from Ethan to Kelly, he bit his bottom lip but Kelly didn't seem shocked or anything. She must be used to patients talking to people the nurses can't see.

"What did the person say, Zayn?" She asked, making Zayn widen his eyes. No one had ever asked him that, so it took him by shock. "Ethan said you were cute." Zayn replied just above a whisper. Kelly nodded and turned to look at the place Zayn had been staring at before looking back at Zayn. "Well, unfortunately for Ethan, invisible men aren't my type." She smiled before walking out of the room closing the door behind her, locking it.

Zayn looked over at Ethan, who, to be completely honest, looked just as surprised as Zayn was. No one ever paid attention to Zayn when he would say Ethan or Liam where there, or ask him who he was talking to, or even try to acknowledge that some was in the room that only Zayn could see. Zayn yawned softly, the medication finally making effect.

The first time Zayn took the pills, they made him sleepy and sleep a lot, which were a few of the initial side effects of starting to take the medication, the side effects would later diminish after a while of taking the medication, but since Zayn stopped taking them after the first week, his body was never able to get used to their effect. So it was like he was starting all over again. He looked over at where Ethan had been sitting, but he wasn't there anymore. Zayn looked around, maybe the annoying one would be somewhere else in the room, but he wasn't. Zayn couldn't keep his eyes open any longer, slowly falling into a deep sleep.

_"Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday dear Zaynie! Happy birthday to you!" Everyone sang, making Zayn chuckle as he watched everyone sing happy birthday to him, he was turning 17 and all his family and friends were there._

_"Come on then, make a wish and blow the candles!" Louis said, making everyone chuckle. Zayn rolled his eyes before closing them, making his wish silently and to himself then opening his eyes to blow out the candles. Everyone cheered once the candles were no longer lit, Zayn's mother picking the cake up to take it to the kitchen and cut it into pieces._

_"What did you wish for?" Liam asked as he kissed Zayn's cheek. Zayn blushed lightly and turned to look at his boyfriend. "If I tell you it won't come true now will it?" Zayn teased, Liam chucking._

_"Guess so, but how do you know I won't try to make it happen?" Liam raised an eyebrow, Zayn smiling at that. "Maybe, it won't come true on its own if you tell me, but I'll try to do everything in my power to make it happen, for you."_

_Zayn looked at his boyfriend, fondly. "What on earth did I do to have such an amazing boyfriend like you?" Zayn asked, his voice low to a whisper. Liam wrapped his arms around Zayn's waist pulling him closer to him as Zayn wrapped his arms around Liam's neck, both of them pressing their foreheads together._

_"I ask myself the exact same thing about you every single day." Liam whispered back, with a smile. Zayn shook his head, smiling at his boyfriend as they both leaned into each other, pressing their lips together in a soft kiss. They had completely forgotten that there were around twenty people in the room, starting at them. Niall cleared his throat making both boys pull away from each other and turn to look at everyone, who were staring at them, smiling. They blushed and pulled away, coughing awkwardly._

_Liam placed his fist over his mouth trying to hide his smile, while Zayn quickly looked away playing with his hair as if that hadn't happened, but it had. Everyone else in the room laughed at the two before going on about their business, Liam pulled Zayn back over to him, Zayn's cheeks tinted a bright red from embarrassment. Liam chuckled hugging his boyfriend tightly, kissing his cheek. Zayn hugged back, relaxing against Liam's arms, feeling safe and secure, before smiling against the crook of Liam's neck._

_"I love you" Liam whispered. "I love you, too." Zayn whispered back. Just as Zayn pulled away to kiss Liam's cheek, he was surprised to see it wasn't Liam anymore, it was Ethan._

_Zayn gasped and pulled away quickly and looked around, he was no longer at his house, and all the people that were there were no longer there. Just like Liam had, they disappeared. They were in the hospital, Zayn was dressed in his hospital clothes and was in his room, but it was dark and cold. He looked around but no one else was there but Ethan._

_"Missed me?" Ethan asked, stepping closer to Zayn. Zayn backed away, tearing up. "You're dreaming Zayn; it went from a beautiful memory you had to your horrible reality." Ethan said, lowly. Zayn choked out a sob, and looked around again, he was now pressed against the wall. "They're all gone, Zayn. They'll forget about you, and all you'll have left is me and this dark, cold hospital room." Ethan said, making Zayn cry out._

Zayn felt someone shaking him, he opened his eyes, sitting up gasping for air. He looked around and saw Kelly and Tyler staring at him worried. "Zayn, you were having a nightmare. It's okay, take deep breaths." Kelly whispered.

Zayn nodded slowly, taking deep breaths. Tyler laid him back down, Zayn rubbing his eyes. "We heard crying and then a scream so we came over quickly.

Luckily, we had just left another patient's room down the hall." Kelly explained. Zayn sniffled softly nodding as he removed his hands from his eyes. He looked out to the window and frowned when he realized the sun was no longer out and it was dark.

"How long was I asleep for..?" He whispered. Tyler and Kelly looked at each other before Tyler responded, "Nine hours, it's 8 at night." Zayn stared at them eyed wide.

"We came into check on you every hour but you were out like a light, we brought you lunch and dinner but you slept right through them. We wanted to wake you up so you could eat but we guessed you really hadn't slept at all last night so we let you sleep." Kelly added. Zayn nodded, sighing softly.

"By the way, tomorrow is your birthday and well you're allowed to have visitors, I'm going to guess your parents are coming to see you." Tyler said, making Zayn look at him.

"I don't want to see anyone." Zayn said flatly. Kelly bit her lip, before turning to look at Tyler. "Are you sure?" Tyler asked. Zayn nodded, and Tyler returned it.

"Okay, I'll make sure we let Sarah know not to let anyone come see you tomorrow."

"That's a little harsh don't you think, Zayn? Not letting your family come visit you?" Zayn turned to his right, Ethan was standing there with his arms crossed. Kelly looked at Zayn and followed his gaze to see that he was staring at nothing, Tyler frowned when he did the same turning to look at Kelly confused.

"What is he saying Zayn?" Kelly asked making Zayn turn to look at her. "He said its harsh of me to not let anyone come visit me tomorrow." Zayn said before turning to look at Ethan, who frowned.

"You trust her? You actually trust her enough to let her know everything that I'm saying to you? Something you never told anyone else before?" Zayn continued staring at Ethan, nodding slowly at him.

"Maybe because unlike you, she's trying to help." Liam appeared next to Ethan, looking from Ethan to Zayn. Zayn smiled wide and sat up, completely ignoring Kelly and Tyler who were standing next to his bed. "You're here.." Zayn whispered, Liam smiling lightly at him.

Tyler and Kelly kept quiet, but watched Zayn interact with someone they couldn't see. Tyler was confused but let it happen. "I'm here, baby. But you know better than anyone I won't be around much now that you're taking your medication, Ethan won't be around much either. But that doesn't mean you're going to do anything in your power to not take it. You will take it. Got it?" Liam said sternly, making Zayn look down but nod nonetheless.

"You'll be here tomorrow right?" Zayn asked his gaze not leaving his lap. Liam smiled sadly at him before replying. "I'll try. I love you. Ethan lets go." Liam said making Ethan frown at him.

"What? No I want to stay."

"I said let’s go!" Liam yelled at Ethan, who rolled his eyes and they both disappeared.

"I love you too.." Zayn whispered finally looking up to see they were both gone.

"Zayn?" He turned to look at Tyler and Kelly. "There was more than one person, wasn't there?" Zayn nodded, both nurses nodding back.

"Who are they?" Tyler asked.

"Liam, my boyfriend and Ethan." They nodded again, before laying Zayn back down. "Get some rest sweetie." Kelly said before Tyler and her made their way out of the room locking the door behind them, after closing it once they saw Zayn had fallen asleep once again.

"Well, that's something." Tyler said as they made their way down the hall.

"He is seeing his boyfriend who went missing months ago, and another guy who he didn't say what his relationship to him was. Do you think maybe it's just his mind playing tricks on him?" Kelly asked, turning to look at Tyler.

"What I think, is that Zayn is making them up in his head. I feel like he thinks he needs them around to make it through the day. But I don't understand why one of them seems to be kind and loving while the other one seems to be rude and evil." Tyler said, frowning slightly and shrugging his shoulders.

"I don't know, but I hope he gets better soon." Kelly said as they continued walking down the hall to return to their desks.

 


	12. Chapter 12

"Should we wake him?" Ethan whispered to Liam, who was standing next to Zayn's bed on the right and Ethan was to his left.

"No, let him wake up on his own." Liam whispered back, looking down at Zayn. Despite Ethan being rude and evil, by trying to get Zayn to jump of a cliff and play with his mind, he still wanted to make sure Zayn had a good birthday, since he wasn't able to be with his family since they're the whole reason he's here.

So Ethan might not be so heartless after all, but Liam still keeps an eye out for him. Liam wanted Zayn to wake up soon, because when he did they would get to be together until Zayn would have to take his medication making them disappear until the effect wore off. Liam did want Zayn to get better but it seemed that he just couldn't stay away from him, especially since he wasn't around physically.

Zayn stirred in his sleep, his eyes opening slowly and squinting when the light coming in through the window hit his eyes. He groaned softy turning to the other side only to be met by Ethan's bright blue eyes, and wicked grin. Zayn sat up quickly and looked around, spotting Liam who was smiling fondly at him.

"You are here, oh my god." Zayn whispered as Liam leaned over to kiss Zayn's forehead, except Zayn felt nothing. He frowned and looked at Liam, who looked at him confused.

"What is it, babe?" Liam asked as he sat down on the bed, looking at Zayn teaching over to take his hand in his. Zayn stared at their hands, their fingers were laced and Liam looked to be having a tight grip on his hand but he felt absolutely nothing, not like he used to. So he turned to Ethan and reached for his hand, Ethan was surprised as Zayn held his hand but only frowned before turning to look up at Ethan. Liam watched Zayn and looked at his and Ethan's hands before looking at Ethan as well.

"Zayn, what is it?" Liam asked making Zayn look at him. "I don't feel it. I know I'm holding your hands and you’re holding mine, but I feel nothing, as if we weren't touching. I can't feel you guys like I used to." Zayn said looking at the two confused.

Liam and Ethan looked at each other, one looked worried and the other looked upset. Liam knew that by Zayn not being able to feel them, 'physically', it meant his medication was doing what it was supposed to do, get rid of his hallucinations, those being Liam and Ethan.

Therefore, making him worried on how Zayn would be when Liam and Ethan would no longer be around to be with him like he'd want, Zayn is vulnerable and has showed that he needs them both, somehow, since he created them. Ethan on the other hand was upset, he had come to make sure Zayn went crazy, make sure he did every stupid thing thinkable, and just get him into so much trouble, but he wouldn't be able to do that if the medication finally did its job and got rid of Liam and himself for good. He looked at Zayn and he was staring down at his lap, his hands never once leaving theirs.

As much as Ethan wants to be the one to make Zayn's life miserable, and as much as he wants to be the bad guy in this, he has come to actually care for the lad, and just like Liam, he didn't know how Zayn would go on without seeing them on a daily basis.

"You're going to disappear aren't you?" Zayn said since it had been silent for a good five minutes, making both Liam and Ethan look at him. Zayn looked up from his lap, his eyes filled with tears threatening to spill down his cheeks.

"Zayn, you knew that would happen eventually." Liam said softly to not upset Zayn but of course that didn't work.

"Eventually! But not so soon! I've been here what? Three days and I'm already going to stop seeing you?!" Zayn yelled, surprising Liam and Ethan.

"Zayn, you need to calm down if you don't want Kelly or Tyler to walk in here and sedate you or make you take your pills." Liam said sternly, watching Zayn break down in front of him.

"Okay. Listen, if you want us around there's a way to do so despite taking your medications." Ethan said making Liam quickly look at him, shaking his head.

"What?" Zayn looked at him, sniffling.

"When you take your pills, they control your body as they go through your blood stream and then to your brain, so basically you're controlled by the medication, right? All you have to do, is not let it control you, think of us as much as you can while you're under the medication and we'll be here as long as you let us." Ethan said making Zayn's eyes go wide and earning a smile from him.

Liam looked at Ethan in disbelief before speaking, "He's supposed to get better, Ethan. We're supposed to disappear, why on earth would you tell him that? Besides, I’m pretty sure that isn’t how it works."

Zayn frowned at Liam. "You want to disappear?" Zayn asked, Liam turning to look at him.

"Well guess what? You've already have! And how could you be so selfish?! This is the only way I can see you since you've been missing for months! But fine if you want to be gone then be gone!" Zayn yelled, louder than before making both Ethan and Liam move away from him.

"Go on! Leave! Get away from here! Both of you! Go away!" Zayn yelled, just as Kelly and Tyler ran into the room and over to Zayn.

"Go away and never come back!" He yelled at both Liam and Ethan, just as he felt a needle prick into his arm, beginning to feel sleepy. "Go away.." He whispered before he fell asleep. So they did, Liam and Ethan disappeared, Kelly and Tyler attending to Zayn making sure his vital signs were good and that he was going to be okay after waking up from being sedated.

"Kelly, I think we might need to give him stronger medication to help him get better faster." Tyler said as they walked out of the room, locking the door behind them.

Kelly nodded as they walked down the hall, "Yeah, I'll talk to the doctor about it. Zayn will need a checkup though, make sure he's stable enough for such strong medication."

_"Mum! Baba!" Zayn smiled wide as he ran to his parents, both of them welcoming him with wide arms as he ran into his mother's arms and hugged her, his father hugging them both. "We've missed you so much, Zayn" his mother said as she kissed his cheek, Zayn smiled softly as he looked at his parents. "How are you feeling?" His father asked when they pulled away and began making their way out of the institution, ready to go back home._

_"I'm better. I guess I finally realized that Liam will never be back, that he's gone and that there's nothing I can do about it." He shrugged, as they walked towards the cab that was waiting for them. His parents nodded and looked at their son. He looked healthy, he looked happy, and well. The son they had lost when he had lost Liam was back, and hopefully here to stay._

_"Ready for graduation?" His mother asked making him smile. "So ready." He replied nodding his head._

_"It's amazing how despite being stuck here you were able to keep up your grades and once again become valedictorian. We're so proud of you, son. And we know Liam would have been too." His father said as they all got into the cab, his mother sitting in between them._

_"I'm sure he would have." Zayn smiled as he watched the building in which he stayed in for five months slowly become smaller as they drove away._

_"Zayn?" He turned to look at him mother, a small smile on her lips. "Yes, mum?" He asked as she hugged him tightly, him of course hugging back._

_She kissed his cheek as she pulled away, "Mr.Curran wanted to know if you would be okay if you talked about Liam at the graduation? To honor him and all since he would be graduating along with you."_

_Zayn stayed quiet for a few seconds before nodding his head. "Of course."_

_Just then the cab stopped, Zayn looked around but they weren't at the airport. He frowned and looked over to his parents but they were gone._

_"Mum? Baba?" He looked around, before looking over at the driver through the rear view mirror. He gasped when he was met with the piercing blue eyes and the cheeky smirk he had come to hate over the past few months._

_"Miss me?" Ethan chuckled, turning to look at Zayn fully. Zayn gulped and tried to open the door but it was locked and he couldn't get it to unlock. So he began banging on the window, screaming for help._

_Ethan tutted as he shook his head at Zayn, "Poor Zaynie, thought it was over and done with? Thinking that once you were out of that stupid institution you would no longer see me? Hurtful." Ethan said as he got out of the cab, shutting the door behind himself._

_That is when Zayn looked out the front window realizing they were at the edge of a cliff. His eyes widened as he watched Ethan stand outside his door. "Bye bye, Zaynie."_

_He laughed as he made his way to the back of the cab, pushing it with all his strength, making the car move forward. Zayn screamed and banged on the window harder but it was no use, it wouldn't break or anything. Before he knew it the cab tipped forward eventually falling down the cliff. Zayn screamed and cried as he watched the bottom of the cliff come closer as he and the cab fell, he was going to die._

He screamed once more but this time he opened his eyes, sitting up quickly, looking around. He was in his hospital room, sweating, breathing heavily and his heart rate going a thousand miles per hour.

It was a nightmare, he had a nightmare.

He closed his eyes and covered his face, trying to calm down his breathing. He got out of bed and made his way towards the door after a few minutes, to surprisingly find it unlocked, he frowned and opened it as he stepped out. He looked around before he walked down the hall, looking around taking in the pale white walls and smell of bleach and disinfectant.

There were security guards every few yards, he smiled softly at them as he walked. He eventually made his way to what looked like an art room, he walked in to see a woman, probably in her late thirties, sitting with a patient, she looked like she was eleven or twelve. The nurse looked up and smiled at Zayn.

"Hello there, are you supposed to be here?" She asked as she excused herself, getting up from her seat and made her way over to Zayn.

Zayn shook his head as he looked at the woman, "No, ma’am. My door was unlocked and I didn't feel like staying cooped up in that room any longer." He said honestly.

The nurse nodded, whose name tag read Carla, "Well, what's your name?" She asked looking at Zayn.

"Zayn. Zayn Malik." He nodded once.

"Well Zayn, why don't we go and see if there are any activities that you're allowed to do. Yeah?" Zayn nodded, Carla looked back at the young girl.

"Ruby, I'll be right back sweetheart. Please stay here." The little girl looked up at her and Zayn, nodding.

"Yes Miss Carla." She said before looking back down to her drawing. Carla smiled and led Zayn out.

"How old is she?" He asked as he followed the nurse.

"Eleven, she's been here since she was eight." Zayn's eyes widened and looked back at the art room as they walked away. "Why so long?" He asked, frowning.

"Well, she was abused from the age of three up to the age of eight. She became depressed and paranoid and nothing her mother would do helped her. Her father of course was sent to jail, but her mother had no choice but to bring her here. And she's gotten better, a lot may I add." Carla explained, Zayn nodding as she spoke.

"She's to leave soon, actually." She smiled and that made Zayn smile as well. They reached a reception, with around two women and one man in the same uniform the nurse was wearing typing into their computers. "Hey, Will, can you check what activities Zayn Malik is allowed to attend?" She asked the male nurse, who nodded and quickly typed into his computer once again.

"Art, Music, Dance and Group therapy." Will answered. Zayn smiled and looked at Carla.

"Well, what would you like to do?" She asked, and Zayn immediately replied. "Dance." He nodded.

Carla smiled and turned to a security guard not far from them, "Peter, can you escort Zayn here to the dance room?" The man nodded and walked over to Zayn.

"No, problem." He smiled and looked at Zayn. "Let's go, son." Zayn thanked Carla and Will as he followed Peter down the hall and then down the stairs to the first floor.

Zayn didn't understand why they couldn't just take the elevator but he wasn't going to complain. They walked down another hall way before they stopped in front of a room with two large doors.

"Here you go, this is the dance room. There is a stereo in the far corner, and it has a shelf with dozens of cd's, you can be in here for as long as you want. I'll be out here if you need anything or in case your doctor or physiatrist need to see you." Zayn nodded and entered the room.

It was plain and simple, wooden flooring, mirrors on two walls from ceiling to floor, and just how Peter had said. Zayn didn't understand why a mental institution would actually have a dance room, but hell he wasn't complaining. He made his way over to the stereo, being the only one there, he didn't care what music he chose, he wanted to be able to dance and feel happy again, at least a little bit. Despite arguing with Liam and Ethan that morning, his birthday was starting to get better. He found a Chris Brown cd, immediately choosing that one and skipping the songs to the one he wanted.

He looked down at his ugly uniform and rolled up the legs of it, so they rested just little under his knees, he also rolled up his sleeves so they rested just below his elbows. He felt a bit more comfortable that way, and he smiled as the best to New Flame began playing.

So immediately began dancing, moving his arms, legs and hips to the beat, smiling as he did, staring at himself in the mirror while he danced. He loved the feeling dancing gave him, it made him forget about his surroundings and the place he was currently in.

He began feeling sweat on his forehead, he quickly wiped it with the back of his hand and he continued dancing. Never missing a step or messing up. His heart rate increased quickly and so did his breathing, but it was from the adrenaline dancing gave him.

When the song slowly faded to an end, he smiled and looked at himself in the mirror, he was so caught up in the music and dance he hadn't realized there were people watching him. Kelly, Tyler, Carla, Peter, and a few other nurses whom he didn't know where by the doors clapping and cheering at him. He looked at them blushing deeply in embarrassment.

"Zayn that was amazing!" Kelly said smiling wide. Zayn smiled and bit his bottom lip. "Are you a dancer?" Tyler asked as they all slowly made their way over to him.

Zayn nodded watching them. "Used to be the captain of the dance team back home." He said smiling proudly.

Then he heard a voice he didn't recognize, "I have a solution."

Everyone turned around, to a man in a white lab coat, he looked like he was in his late fifties early sixties, he had black hair with white hair patches here and there, a beard with very little black hair left, as the white took over most of it. He walked over and stood in front of Zayn, holding out his hand out to him, "Dr. Charles." He said, Zayn extending his hand out to shake the man's hand.

"I'm your doctor, and I believe that dancing could actually help you get better sooner. So, I've decided that instead of those group therapy sessions, you can spend your time here in the dance room, as well as having to attend your sessions with your psychiatrist, and your weekly checkups with me. How does that sound?"

Zayn smiled and nodded quickly, "That sounds great, sir."

The doctor nodded, smiling as well, "Okay, but you will still have to take your medication and follow the rules and instructions your nurses will give you, as well as eat when told to. Understand?"

"I understand." Zayn said nodding at the man, who nodded back.

"Very well, continue. I'll see you in my office in a few days." Was all he said as he left. Zayn smiled as everyone else soon followed the doctor. If dancing could help him get better, he was surely going to try his hardest to get out of this place sooner.


	13. Chapter 13

** February  **

 

One month, it had been a month since Zayn was admitted into the institution. Had he gotten better? Yes, but not enough to be let out extremely early. Doctor Charles said that if Zayn continued to follow the rules and everything he was told to do that would help him get better, he might be able to leave early instead of on May when he was intended to.

Zayn took his medication every day, without missing a single day or trying to hide them under his tongue like he used to do with his mother. They helped him focus on getting better, regaining appetite, energy, and sleeping regularly like it was meant. He saw less of Liam and Ethan as each day passed by, their figures becoming almost see-through as if they were ghosts. He'd see his doctor once a week for checkups, his psychiatrist once a week for therapy and he'd spend his days in the dance room not causing trouble to anyone nor himself.

When he wasn't in the dance room, he was out with Jay, an employee who worked in the laundry room. Zayn was assigned to work there with him for at least two hours a day, and it wasn't as bad as he thought it would be.

Jay would take care of the actual washing, all Zayn had to do was set the clothes into the drier then pull them out once they were dry for Jay to fold them. Jay had been helping Zayn keep his mind off Liam and Ethan, they once came up in a conversation, when Jay asked him the reason for his stay.

"Well, back in September by boyfriend went missing, and ever since then it started getting harder for me to go on with each day. I stopped doing everything I loved, like dancing, hanging out with friends, things like that. I would go to school, not pay much attention or do work, then go home and lock myself in my room the rest of the day. Not eating or talking to my family. They of course began to worry, but probably more when they would hear me talk to myself when they would pass by my room." Zayn said Jay nodding ever so often to let him know he was listening despite being occupied doing the laundry.

"But I wasn't speaking to myself, well at least that's what I would tell them. I would tell them I was speaking to Liam. That put them on edge, really. I didn't think much of it, I just thought I was missing him so much I just wanted to believe he was still here." Jay finished loading the washing machines and turned to Zayn who was leaned against a counter playing with his hands.

"I started getting high from time to time and, well mostly because that's when I would see him most, like he hated that I was ruining my life with drugs so he'd appear as if to stop me. Never worked, until one day it got me terrified when I heard another voice that wasn't his, which was when my parents had enough and decided to take me to a psychiatric."

"And what did he do?" Jay asked, Zayn looking up at him.

"He said it was just my mind playing games with me and prescribed me medication to help the hallucinations stop, I took them like the first three days and then I pretended to, and flushing them down the toilet when no one was around."

Jay listened closely to what Zayn was saying, Jay was a male nurse but when he wasn't needed he would work in laundry until his assistance was needed, so he was trying to diagnose Zayn, his own way.

"They of course found out when I ran away after finding they had supposedly found my boyfriend's body in the snow. I fell asleep on a bench without a sweater or jacket almost freezing myself to death. So of course I woke up in the hospital and after running tests on me they found no traces of my medication in my system so I had to confess. Then I got pissed drunk on New Year's and almost jumped off a cliff but passed out before I could. Which is when my family had enough and decided to bring me here to get better." Zayn shrugged as he finished telling Jay he was there.

Jay nodded, he didn't think Zayn was in bad condition, he was just missing someone he loved dearly who had gone missing. And those hallucinations, were normal. His mind would do anything to see the person that was no longer around, just because he was missing him terribly.

That was it, Zayn wasn't crazy or anything along those lines. He was missing his boyfriend and that was all. They couldn't expect him not to miss someone he knew since they were five years old, someone he was completely in love with, still is. His boyfriend was ripped out of his life so quickly it took them all by surprise, mostly Zayn. There was no reason for Zayn to be in the institution, Jay thought.

He just needed people to show him they were there for him, care for him and love him. And from what Zayn had told him, no one did that the past few months, discarding the way he felt for being normal so they thought nothing was wrong.

What Zayn needed all along was to fill up the hole Liam had left, and no one did that. No one tried to show him love and give him love, no one tried to love him until Liam showed up. So Zayn was left to feel empty and alone, this wasn't Zayn's fault. He just needed to be showed he was loved until the one who loved him the most came back, if he came back that is.

"Zayn, how much longer are you meant to be here?" Jay asked after both of them being quiet for a few minutes.

"Until May, depending on how quickly I recover." Zayn nodded as he stood up straight, before walking over to the drier to take out the sheets.

"You might leave earlier than you thought." Jay said, making Zayn frown and look at him confused. But just as Jay was going to explain what he meant, he was called over to help out with a patient on the second floor, so he excused himself and left. Leaving Zayn to wonder what he meant.

"Good morning, Sarah" Zayn smiled as he walked past the reception, Sarah smiling at him.

"Good morning, Zayn. How are you feeling today, sweetheart?" She asked, she and Zayn had gotten along well so Zayn would always go and say good morning to her before he would go to the dance room.

She was like a mother to him, she'd make sure he was taken good care of and from time to time would sneak in new cd's for him to use in the dance room. She was great.

"Much better, how are you?" He smiled as he placed his arms on the counter as she typed away on her computer, the smile never leaving her lips.

"I'm doing lovely, on your way to the dance room?" She asked, making Zayn smile and nod. She looked around, to make sure no nurses of doctors were around before she pulled out a cd case from one of the drawers, she quickly passed it over to Zayn on the counter making him chuckle. He looked at it and it was a Nicki Minaj one.

"Thank you, Sarah" he smiled as she returned it and went back to her work. He placed it in the pocket of his clothes and made his way to the dance room, greeting some guards along the way.

He had gotten to know most of the staff in the institution, and a few patients, but the patients mostly kept to themselves so Zayn did too. He got along much better with the staff than patients, anyway.

"G'morning, Zayn." Peter smiled as Zayn walked past him, Zayn greeting him as he did. "Oh Zayn, before you go to the dance room, there is someone here to see you." Zayn frowned.

Who could possibly be there to see him? "Do you know who?" He asked as he walked back to Peter, who shook his head.

"There are around seven or eight people I'm not so sure maybe more." Zayn's eyes widened. So he followed Peter to the day room, where the visitors would be when they came to see a patient. Zayn walked alongside Peter, chatting, asking him about his family and how they were doing.

"They're great, thank god. My daughter Destiny is graduation from college soon and I'm so excited for her." Zayn smiled as Peter talked to him about his family.

Was it weird for Zayn to be friends with most of the staff members? A little, but they didn't treat him like they would the rest of the patients, because Zayn wasn't completely bad like the rest. Zayn had just gotten 'started becoming ill' as Doctor Charles put it.

"Have fun." Peter said as Zayn smiled at him and walked into the day room.

His eyes scanned the room of people until his eyes landed on the people Peter meant. He gasped and immediately teared up as he watched Niall, Louis, Harry, Eleanor, Karen, Geoff and his mother run to him.

"Zayn!" Eleanor said as she reached him and hugged him tightly, Zayn not thinking twice before he wrapped his arms around her hugging her back tightly. Soon joined by everyone else, Zayn couldn't help it, he began crying.

"We've missed you so much.." She whispered, she sounded like she was also crying. Zayn shut his eyes tightly as he held his friend closer. They all pulled away after a few minutes, Zayn looking at all of them one by one, tears spilling down his cheeks.

His eyes landed on his mother and he choked out a sob as he hugged her tightly. "I've missed you Zayn." She said, crying as well.

"I've missed you too, mum." He sniffled as he kissed his mother's forehead when they pulled away from hug.

They all made their way back to the large table they had previously been sitting at. Zayn sitting next to his mother as she held his hand, Harry sitting to his left, and Niall next to him. Across the table was Louis, Eleanor, Karen and Geoff, in that order.

"How are you Zayn?" Louis asked as they were all settled. Zayn thought back to the month he had spent there and to the months that had gone by before he was sent there. He was better now than he was before.

"I'm feeling better." He nodded, smiling softly. At that everyone else smiled as well.

"We're so glad." Eleanor said taking his other had in hers, he squeezed her hand gently. "How have you guys been?" He asked, his eyes scanning all their faces to see what expressions they would make.

"Well, the dance team is honestly shit without you. Eleanor and I have tried our best to keep up with the amazing job you've done the past three years but we doubt we'll actually win this year's competition." Harry said as he looked from Zayn to Eleanor. Zayn looked at him then at Eleanor, who nodded sadly.

"Yeah, everything was perfect with the team then you decided to leave it and now it's just like a huge pile of horse shit." She sighed.

"I'm sure it's not that bad." Zayn said as he looked at Harry and Eleanor. Niall and Louis chuckling next to them. Zayn raised an eyebrow at them, as in telling them to explain what was funny.

"Okay, imagine this, toddlers on energy drinks with dirty diapers." Louis said, making Zayn extremely confused. "Please elaborate." He said, making Louis roll his eyes.

"Okay, so if a baby has a dirty diaper they walk like they have something up their ass or well that they're uncomfortable." Zayn nodded, a sign for him to continue.

"Well imagine that with those babies being hyped up on energy drinks." Zayn had to imagine it, it took him a while to and honestly once he did, he laughed.

Harry and Eleanor glared at Louis before turning back to Zayn.

"That's how their last performance looked like. If you can even call it that since everyone was doing their own thing." Louis added.

"Yeah, but at least we didn't lose the championship game in football." Eleanor said bitterly, that made Zayn gasp and stare at Louis.

"You lost..?" He whispered, his eyes filling up with tears. They had always won when Liam was captain, it never failed.

Louis looked at Zayn before he looked down at the table, Harry glaring at Eleanor, when he saw Zayn's expression, for bringing it up. Eleanor coward down and bit her lip as Zayn looked like he was about to break down. Zayn looked at his mother and Liam's parents but they also looked down, that making Zayn's heart break.

They had lost.

The years Liam had worked hard to bring the team out of the gutter and make them the best in the entire city, all went to waste. They didn't even keep up with his legacy, Liam would have loved it if they won the championship four years in a row, he would have loved it more if he had been able to guide them and be the one to help them win another year like he had the past three.

"What was the score?" He whispered, as tears fell down his cheeks, looking over at Louis, who continued looking down at the table.

"10 to none" He whispered not wanting to look up and meet Zayn's eyes.

"Are you kidding me?!" Zayn said as he stood up from his seat. "10 to none?!" Everyone looked up at him, he was furious. His fists were clenched and the vein in his neck was becoming prominent.

"After all the hard work Liam did to bring you guys up from the pile of rubble you all were?! This is how you repay him?! You couldn't even win a championship game for him!?" Zayn attracted the attention of a few nurses and guards that were around the room.

They looked at him as they slowly made their way over. "Zayn, please calm down or you're going to get taken away." His mother whispered trying to make him sit back down.

Zayn looked at him mother then at the nurses and guards walking over. He took deep breaths as Frank, Dustin, Linda and Oscar made their way over to him.

"Are you okay, Zayn? Do we need to escort you to your room?" Oscar, a male nurse, asked.

Zayn shook his head and sat back down. They all looked at the visitors before they nodded and went back to doing what they had been doing before they walked over.

"Has there been any news on him?" Zayn asked, no one in particular but everyone knew what he meant.

"No." Niall spoke up, for the first time since they all sat down. Zayn nodded and stared at the wall behind Karen and Geoff.

"How's baba?" He looked at his mother.

"He's good, he couldn't come with us due to his job." Zayn nodded and turned to look at Liam's parents. "How are you doing?" They nodded and smiled slightly at him.

"We're holding up." Karen replied, Zayn nodded once again before he turned to Niall.

"Anything else going around school that these three have failed to tell me?" Niall looked at Louis, Eleanor and Harry before looking at Zayn.

"No, not really. It's just not the same without you or Liam. But other than that, no nothing else has changed." Zayn looked at him for a few seconds before looking down at his hands.

"Zayn?" He looked up to see everyone at the table but none of them had called him since they were all staring behind him. He turned around and saw Ruby, the eleven-year-old who had been here since the age of eight.

"Hey, Ruby. Everything okay?" He asked as he turned his entire body to face the girl.

"Miss Carla wants to speak to you when you're done with your visit." She spoke softly, her eyes avoiding everyone else's but Zayn's.

"Okay, tell her I'll be there in a little bit. Can you do me a favor?" He said, the girl nodding as she stepped closer to Zayn. He pulled out the cd Sarah had given him and handed it Ruby.

"Can you take this to the dance room? Please?" Ruby nodded taking it from him and placing it in her pocket. She waved at Zayn before she left the day room. He turned back around, everyone's eyes on him.

"Who's that?" Eleanor asked. Zayn looked at her and turned back to look at the doors as they swayed gently from Ruby pushing them to leave the room.

"That's Ruby. She's one of the patients here, one of the very few I get along with. She's eleven, she's been here since she was eight." He explained.

"And who's Miss Clara?" His mother asked. "One of the main nurses here." He nodded.

"Dance room?" Louis asked, Zayn nodding again.

"Yeah, it's a small dance studio. I'm basically the only one who uses it since I don't like the other activities I'm able to go to. And my doctor said I didn't have to go to the other activities since it looked like dancing was helping me get better quicker." He explained, earning a smile from everyone.

"Do you know when you'll be able to leave?" Karen asked, since no one else asked anything after Zayn spoke.

"Not sure, maybe in May or maybe even sooner than that depending on how hard I try to get better." He said, shrugging slightly.

"Visiting time is over." Dustin, the guard, said making everyone else who was there visiting someone stand up and hug the person they are here to see. They all stood up and one by one began hugging Zayn goodbye. His mother being the one to hug him the longest.

"Make Liam proud." She whispered in his ear before pulling away, she kissed his cheek before they all walked towards the exit.

He followed them out to the lobby, and stood next to Sarah at the reception as they all walked out of the building and over to a rental van.

"How was it?" Sarah asked turning to look at him as he watched them disappear from sight.

"Honestly? Strange. Maybe it's because I hadn't seen them in a month or maybe it's because I could tell in their eyes they were afraid I'd do something and attack. I feel like they think I'm crazy, like really crazy which is why I'm here in the first place." He looked at Sarah who looked at him sadly.

"Zayn, everyone who works here knows you're far from crazy, you just need help accepting that your boyfriend is no longer around and you need to move on. But you're not crazy dear, not at all." She said making Zayn smile lightly.

"Thank you. By the way, do you know what Miss Clara needs me for?" He asked her, Sarah's eyes immediately shining.

"Yes, but I'm not allowed to tell you. So go on and find out for yourself." Zayn groaned but smiled nonetheless. He waved goodbye to Sarah before he made his way to Miss Clara's office.

He knocked lightly on her door and he heard a serious stern "Come in." from the other side. He opened the door, stepped in and closed the door behind him before he walked over and took a seat in one of the chairs in front of her desk.

"Zayn, it has come to our attention that you're not like the rest of the patients here." She said, serious and no happy expression like he thought she would have.

So why was Sarah so happy when she told him? Zayn bit his lip because Miss Clara didn't even greet him or asked him how he was doing and he didn't have time to do that either since she immediately began talking.

"Okay..?" He replied not really knowing what to reply to that.

"Therefore, we, your doctor, psychiatrist, and I, have made a decision." Zayn stared at her, terrified at what the decision may be. She was being so serious therefore it only made him imagine the worst.

"You're being released next month." She smiled, making Zayn's eyes go wide.

 


	14. Chapter 14

When Zayn heard Miss Clara he didn't know whether his ears were playing tricks on him or she had really said he'd be released next month. So he waited for her to continue before he spoke up.

"We have seen you get better rather quickly, mostly because you have your mind occupied on dance and making friends with everyone around the institution. But in order for us to let you leave, you need to continue doing what you're doing, helping yourself get better."

She said, making Zayn finally smile. "Now, I need to ask you some questions before we go further on with the release forms for next month." Zayn waited for her to ask the questions, still not being able to believe he might be leaving early.

"Doctor Charles says your health is better than ever, he says you've gained the weight you lost due to not eating well all those months, so that's good. He also said you seem much stronger now than when you first came in. There's a little muscle in you now, when you first arrived you were nothing but skin and bones. So you did very good." She looked down at the papers on her desk, clearly Zayn's records from the institution.

"Dr.Brooks said that your sessions with her have gone great as well, you talk more now that the first two weeks, when you kept quiet and refused to answer anything. She says that you're cheery now, you're not down in the dumps like you used to be at first. She says that you just brighten up a room by walking in, you lighten up everyone's mood by smiling and greeting them. Also, we've made sure you take your medication and according to her, you no longer see your hallucinations?" She said looking up from the papers, Zayn looked at her.

It's true, he hadn't seen Liam nor Ethan in maybe three weeks, probably more, since his birthday. "No, I don't see them anymore." He said, making her nod and write it down on one of the papers.

"Now, Zayn. What were your hallucinations?" She asked, Zayn gulped slightly thinking about Liam and Ethan.

"Well, they were of two people. One being my boyfriend who went missing back in September and the other one was of a guy whom I never met before." He said, she nodded looking down at the paper as she wrote what he said down. She looked up indicating Zayn to continue.

"Liam, I started seeing him probably two or three weeks after he went missing, when I'd see him it was mostly him telling me to try to get better that he hated seeing me depressed and like I no longer wanted to live or take care of myself. Then Ethan appeared probably in December, maybe November, I don't really remember, and he was the complete opposite of Liam. He would make me get into trouble, do things I would never do, do things I knew Liam would be upset with me if he found out I did, or things that would put my life at risk. Then I started seeing both more often, they argued a lot, mostly about me, like on which one of them I should listen to and which one to ignore."

All this time, Miss Clara was writing it down, trying to keep up with Zayn, so Zayn waited for her to finish writing before he continued. "Then when I arrived here, I started having nightmares, they didn't start off horrible. They usually started with something happy happening to me, then suddenly everything would change and I'd end up in danger or anything bad, with Ethan there, amused at my suffering." Miss Clara looked up at this, still writing glancing down once and awhile to make sure she was writing neatly and in between the lines.

"What did Ethan look like?" She asked, Zayn stared at the wall behind her thinking of a way to describe him.

"Well, he seemed to be around my age, he was tall, dark hair, probably black maybe even a very dark brown, piercing blue eyes, tanned, a cheeky smirk, slim, and I guess very convincing." Zayn said as he described the way Ethan looked, Miss Clara nodded and she jotted that down.

"Okay, well Zayn from what Dr.Brooks, Dr.Charles and myself have concluded is that, you're Ethan." She said, taking Zayn by surprise, he went from staring at the wall to staring at her.

"You said Liam was there to stop you from doing anything bad to yourself, and maybe that would have been something Liam would have done if he was around. So your mind created Ethan, to tell you to do bad things to get you to see more of 'Liam', because he worried and cared about your safety. You're the one who created Ethan to cause you to do bad things, with the hope that 'Liam' would return and ask you to stop like he once did." Zayn thought about it, and the possibility of that being true. And it made sense.

"And your mind isn't capable of creating faces on its own, Zayn. So you must have seen this Ethan person somewhere, maybe someone you walked past on the street, someone you walked past in the grocery store, anywhere. Our minds create faces, yes, but only because it has so many faces stored from everything and everyone we've seen, it uses one of those. Like in our dreams or in your case hallucinations. So this Ethan person, does exist, somewhere, and his name might not even be Ethan, but he's a real person. And why your mind chose him to be the one to make you do bad things, is beyond me, but now he's gone, and so is 'Liam'."

Zayn stared at her as she explained her theory on Ethan and Liam, and it made sense to Zayn, it really did. He was surprised at the information given to him but he was also very interested in what he had just learned. How his mind was able to create a hallucination about a person he probably only saw for a second, probably years ago or probably months ago, there was no telling when but it was fascinating.

"Zayn?" Miss Clara spoke, since Zayn had been lost in thought for the past few minutes and didn't reply to her.

"I'm sorry, what was it?" He asked shaking his head and looking at her. "I asked if you've finished this month’s assignments for your school? For us to send, in time so that once you're out of here you're on track with what they're doing back home." She said, Zayn nodding.

"Yes ma’am, I have been handing in my assignments to Kelly who has handed them in to Chelsea." Miss Clara nodded, smiling at him.

Chelsea was one of the administrators of the institution that was keeping track of his grades with his school back in Bradford. Zayn would get handed in his assignments, he'd turn them into her once he was done with them all and she'd send them to his school. And that's how Zayn was able to bring his grades up, since he was given the assignments from the entire month all at once, he was actually ahead of everyone back home. So the chances of him becoming valedictorian again were high, and he was happy about that.

"Okay, well that is all we needed to discuss, you're allowed to leave now." Miss Clara smiled, Zayn returned it as he stood up, waving at the nurse as he exited her office.

He immediately ran to his room instead of the dance room, the guards and nurses watching him as he did, since they were all aware of the news, the only person that was left to tell about it was Zayn and now he knew.

He ran into his room, laughing and smiling and jumping around excitedly. He couldn't believe he would be out of there soon, go home and be able to try to live a normal life once again. Yes, he was aware his life would never be the same as before but the least he could do was keep moving forward and try to be happy as much as he could. Because Zayn knew that no matter where Liam was, he'd want Zayn to try his hardest and not give up, not anymore.

He might have failed Liam the first time around, letting his disappearance get the best of him but he wouldn't allow it to happen again. He was determined to fight every day, stay strong and try to live a happy life, all for Liam.

"He's actually happy." Liam said as he and Ethan watched Zayn dance around his hospital room. Ethan looked at Zayn and nodded slowly before he replied to Liam.

"Who would have thought he'd actually be happy after all the crap he's been through the past few months." Ethan said, Zayn was still dancing around the room. Ethan and Liam where in the room as well, but they no longer existed in Zayn's mind therefore he couldn't see them, but they could clearly see him.

"Yeah, I know. I'm glad he moved past it all and is finally taking care of himself." Liam said as he looked away from Zayn to look at Ethan who was standing to his left.

"When do you think he'll know?" Ethan said, his eyes never leaving Zayn, Liam frowned and continued to look at Ethan, waiting for him to add on to his question.

"That you're dead, when do you think he'll finally realize that 'you' haven't come back because you're dead?" Ethan said finally looking at Liam.

Liam shrugged slightly as he turned to look at Zayn, "I mean, it's not certain that I'm dead. I'm just missing, they haven't found a body or anything so the possibility of me being dead still isn't really an option." Liam said as he crossed his arms over his chest.

"Liam, you've been missing for five months, and there is absolutely no trace of you whatsoever, don't you think people probably think you're dead?" Ethan said, not trying to upset or annoy Liam, but as a matter of fact, kind of way. It's true, there was no trace in where Liam could be, no clues, no hints, nothing, but that didn't automatically mean he was dead. He's just lost, and can't find his way back home.

"But for all we know, I could be out there somewhere with amnesia and trying to remember everything, trying to remember who I am, and trying to find a way to get back home." Liam said, trying to convince himself more than Ethan.

"I'm not saying you should say you're dead, but just think about what a huge possibility that could be." Ethan said as he turned to look back at Zayn, who was now asleep on his hospital bed, a smile on his lips.

"Can I ask you something?" Ethan spoke up after what felt hours of silence but really had only been a few minutes.

"I think you already did." Liam said turning to look at him, in time to watch Ethan roll his eyes.

"Besides that." He said making Liam chuckle and nod. "You know just as much as the real Liam does, so why did you leave that day? From what I've seen in Zayn's mind you never left movie night, you always stayed over. What was different this time?" Liam stared at him as he thought over the question.

"I don't know. I wish I did, but I don't. Ethan, I'm just another hallucination, a lost one at that. You are too, we used to belong in someone's mind and now they've gotten rid of us, and slowly but surely we'll be gone forever. For all I know the real Liam could have left to get food or maybe even something he wanted to surprise Zayn with, I don't know. All I know is, he's gone and not coming back. At least not anytime soon." They looked over at Zayn, his hospital room slowly opening, making them both frown as they awaited to see who would enter his room.

They hoped it was no one that would try to hurt him or anything along those lines because they wouldn't be able to do anything about it. Ruby walked in, she walked over to Zayn's bed and sat down on the chair next to it. She looked at Zayn for a few minutes before she talked. "I heard you're leaving soon, Zayn." She whispered, Zayn fast asleep.

"I'm going to miss you. I wish you didn't have to go, but you're better now and everyone is happy for you." She stayed there for a few more minutes, just watching Zayn sleep peacefully before she stood up and placed a kiss to his forehead.

"Well she's leaving, I thought she was going to hurt him or something, thank god that didn't happen." Ethan said as they watched Ruby make her way towards the door.

She stopped and turned around, looking at the direction they were. "I would never hurt him." She said before she walked out closing the door behind herself. Ethan and Liam stood there in shock, looking between the door and each other. Ruby could see and hear them, but how? They thought Zayn was the only one who could do that.

"Okay, that's it. I need to disappear that was way too creepy." Ethan said earning a nod from Liam. "Yeah let's go." He said as he and Ethan disappeared once again as if they were ghost that could just come and go as they pleased.

That night, was the first night in a while that Zayn was able to sleep peacefully, without a nightmare or anything waking him up in the middle of the night. He felt like he did before his entire world came crashing down, happy and at peace.

But how long would that really last?

 


	15. Chapter 15

It was a few days before Zayn's release, he had one last session with Dr.Brooks to make sure the medication had worked and he was no longer seeing or hearing anything. If the session went well he'd be released and he was happy about that, however he would still have to take his medication for a few more months, slowly decreasing the dosage until he no longer needed it. As well as continue his sessions with Dr.Knott but not as frequent as he used to have them.

As Zayn made his way towards Dr.Brooks' office, Ruby was watching him from a far, Ethan and Liam right behind her, the thing was that even though Ruby hadn't created them, Zayn had, she somehow was able to see them while Zayn didn't. Which neither Ethan or Liam understood how, since them themselves thought they only existed in Zayn's mind, they were wrong.

"Do you think it will go well?" Ruby asked them, softly so no nurses would hear her and get suspicious over her health, since she was to leave soon as well.

"He will, but I can't help but feel like something else is going to go wrong." Liam said as they watched Zayn enter Dr.Brooks' office.

"You know who I think might be up to something?" Ruby said after a little while, Liam and Ethan looking down at her.

"Tyler" They both frowned and looked at each other before looking back at Ruby.

"What makes you say that?" Ethan asked, the little girl walking towards the art room, both of them following behind her.

"Don't know, he didn't seem to like Zayn much when he first got here, he locked him in his room the first day. Zayn didn't even get the tour every patient gets on their first day. Zayn figured out where everything was on his own or with help from the security guards" She explained as she sat down and grabbed paper and pencil before she began drawing.

In Dr.Brooks' office, Zayn and her were talking about his progress. "Have you seen anyone the time you've been here?" She asked, her eyes never leaving her notepad as she wrote. "No ma’am, I mean I did at first but since I was made to take the medication as it should be taken I stopped seeing both Liam and Ethan." Zayn said, Dr.Brooks nodding.

"How are you feeling Zayn?" She said finally looking up from the notepad.

Zayn stood quiet for a few seconds thinking how he truly felt before answering, "Better, I feel like I've finally admitted to myself that there is a huge possibility that Liam will never return, and that I have to live with that. And despite me hating that thought, I need to learn to live with it, because if I don't I'll only make more damage to myself than I ever intended."

"You're right. And Zayn you know we are all very proud of your progress, no other patient who has been admitted into this institution has recovered as quickly as you have. You're leaving after two months and that is absolutely incredible." Zayn smiled at that, blushing lightly and happy that he was able to go home so soon.

"Thank you, and I'm impressed with my progress as well, for someone who didn't want to come here at all, I did a pretty good job at getting better." He chuckled, making Dr.Brooks laugh softly, nodding in agreement.

"Well Zayn, that is all for your last session. It was great being able to talk to you and have these sessions, and it was even better watching you go from being the depressed, angered boy you once were to this happy, healthy young man."

She stood up and walked to the other side of the desk were Zayn was. Zayn stood up and accepted the hug she gave him, he smiled hugging her back.

"No, thank you so much for helping me become me once again. The real me." He smiled as they pulled away. He excused himself and walked out of her office, making his way towards his room, only to be stopped by Tyler.

"Zayn, your medication" he said holding up the tiny paper cup that contained his pills. Zayn chuckled taking it from looking inside it, frowning once he noticed they weren't right.

"Tyler, one of these isn't mine. The one I take is white and this one is blue." He said looking at Tyler.

"Oh yes, well since you're leaving this one is the one with a lower dosage than before." He explained, making Zayn nod.

"Oh okay, thank you." He said before he swallowed his pills dry handing him back the tiny cup. Zayn smiled and continued walking back to his room.

"You guys heard that right?" Ruby asked as she looked up at Ethan and Liam, all three of them had just seen the interaction between Tyler and Zayn and from what they knew Zayn wouldn't be getting the lower dosage until he left, so why was Tyler giving them to him now?

"That doesn't seem right" Ethan said, Liam and Ruby nodding in agreement. "Ruby, go visit Zayn. That's the only way Liam and I can even get close to him now, and we need to figure out what Tyler is planning."

Ruby nodded and made her way towards Zayn's room, she knocked lightly on the door before opening it and walking in. Zayn looked over at her from his bed, smiling wide once he saw it was her.

"Hey beautiful, what brings you here?" Ruby smiled and walked over to the bed to sit with him.

"Just wanted to visit, and spend time with you before you get released." She said looking down once she finished, not really wanting him to leave but she knew he was better now and he needed to go home. "Hey.." Zayn said as he reached over and hugged her, Ruby hugging back.

"We can always stay in touch, I'll give you my number before I leave and you can call me once you're out too, yeah?" Ruby nodded at that and hugged him tighter. They pulled away after a few minutes, Zayn's vision becoming blurry.

Liam and Ethan had stayed quiet, standing by the end of the bed, both watching Zayn intently. They both noticed how Zayn's eyes dilated immensely and his neck veins became prominent. Liam knew that look, so he immediately told Ruby to run out of the room. Ruby looked at him quickly, seeing Liam's concerned expression before she turned back to Zayn seeing him breath heavily. So she did as she was told and ran out of the room.

"Ruby!?" Zayn screamed, he sounded angry and upset but he wasn't, he felt his blood boiling but he didn't know why. He was beginning to sweat and he was confused.

Ruby bumped into Tyler who looked at her confused, "What are you running from Ruby?" He asked, making Ruby look back over at Zayn's room and then at him. Tyler looked over to Zayn's room and let go of Ruby as he made his way over.

He entered and what he saw made him smile, Zayn was tugging harshly on his hair, breathing heavily and sweaty excessively. He stopped smiling and walked over to Zayn. "Zayn? Are you okay?" He asked sounding concern. Zayn pushed him away, looking up at him, his eyes pupils completely filled with aggression, his veins sticking out more than ever, his hands clenched into fists.

"No, I'm not okay! What is going on?!" He screamed standing up. Tyler put his hands up in defense before he placed them on Zayn's shoulder to try to sit him down.

"Don't touch me!" Zayn said before he pushed Tyler away, harshly. "Zayn, I'm only trying to help." He said as he tried to sit him back down.

"No you're not! What was that you gave me?! It wasn't my pill was it!" Zayn said through gritted teeth, making Tyler smirk slightly.

"Wow, you're not stupid at all." Tyler chuckled, angering Zayn more causing him to push Tyler harshly against the wall, making his head hit the wall badly, Tyler wincing at the pain circulating his body.

"What did you do to me?!" He yelled, glaring at Tyler. When Tyler wouldn't respond he pulled him away from the wall pushing him onto the floor before Zayn was on him in seconds. "Tell me!" Tyler refused to tell him, so Zayn did what he never thought he would do, but his body not really cooperating with what his mind really wanted, he punched Tyler hearing a cracking noise that could have only come from his nose.

Tyler screamed loudly and before Zayn could comprehend what was going on four security guards ran into the room, two of them taking Zayn off of Tyler and the other two helping Tyler off the ground. Right after them came in Kelly, Dr.Charles and Miss Clara.

"Let go of me!" Zayn would yell trying to free himself from the guards' grip, but not being able to. Tyler was rushed out of the room as Kelly ran over to Zayn, piercing a needle through his neck sedating him. Zayn's fighting slowly stopped as he passed out, the guards holding him up. Kelly looked over at Miss Clara and Dr.Charles who looked surprised and not knowing what to say or do.

Dr.Charles sighed and ran a hand through his hair, "What happened? He was doing so good." He shook his head, disappointed. "Lay him on the bed, but make sure you strap him down." The guards nodded carrying Zayn over to the bed. They laid him down, his arms to his sides before they began strapping him down to the bed.

"About his release.." Miss Clara spoke up, Dr.Charles looking at her before he turned back to look at a sedated Zayn on the bed.

"What release? He's not going anywhere now." He said before he left the room, Kelly and Miss Clara sharing a look before they followed him out. The guards left after them, closing and locking the door behind them.

"We need to tell someone." Ethan spoke up as they watched everyone else leave Zayn's room. Ruby had been standing in the hall way as it all took place and she noticed the satisfied smirk Tyler had as he was being carried out of the room.

"Oh yes, two hallucinations who can only be seen by an eleven-year-old girl are going to go and tell the Doctor that one of his nurses drugged Zayn and caused him to become aggressive so he wouldn't be released." Liam said sarcastically, making Ethan glare at him.

"Of course not, you idiot. But just how you said. An eleven-year-old girl. Ruby saw everything, from Tyler giving Zayn medication that wasn't his, to the way Tyler smiled at Zayn's reaction to the stupid smirk he had when he was being carried out of the room with a bloody nose. Not only that but he admitted to giving Zayn something he wasn't supposed to" Ethan said, making Liam nod and look at Ruby. "You need to tell someone."

"But who is going to believe me? I've been here for three years, I'm just a kid they'll think I made it all up and I'm another patient they won't believe a patient over a nurse." Liam sighed knowing she was right.

"So now what?" Ethan asked looking at the two. "There is someone who will believe her." Liam said after a few minutes, Ethan looking at him confused.

"Miss Clara. She sees Ruby as a daughter, and Ruby has never once lied to her so why on earth would she lie to her now?" Ruby smiled and nodded, Ethan smiling lightly knowing they could probably get Tyler in trouble and Zayn out of here like he was meant to.

Ruby ran off, Liam and Ethan disappeared once she did. She looked around not seeing Miss Clara anywhere. So she decided to go ask Will.

"Hi Will, have you seen Miss Clara?" She asked peeking over the tall counter. "Hey sweetie, yes I have. She's in the day room." He smiled, Ruby thanked him and ran off to the day room.

"Miss Clara!" She yelled as soon as she entered, catching everyone's attention. Miss Clara walked over to her from the table she had been sitting at.

"What is it Ruby? You know that you're not supposed to yell." She said making the little girl blush in embarrassment. "Sorry, but Miss Clara there's something you need to know." Miss Clara nodded and looked at Ruby for her to continue.

"I saw Tyler give Zayn medication that wasn't his, and I also heard him tell Zayn that when he walked into his room. He would laugh when Zayn would yell at him and asked him what he had given him instead of his actual medication. Tyler only made him madder which is why Zayn punched him." Ruby explained, Miss Clara staring at the little girl. She knew Ruby well enough to know whether or not she was lying, and this time she wasn't.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes." Ruby nodded. Miss Clara nodded back before she excused herself and made her way to Will. Ruby following behind her. "Will, can you get Kelly to go draw blood on Zayn, please? I need his blood go get analyzed as soon as possible."

"Yes, ma’am." He said as he called Kelly over and had her do as Miss Clara said. A few hours later, after Kelly had drawn blood from an unconscious Zayn, and had it sent to the laboratory to get analyzed, Miss Clara held an envelope in her hands with the results.

She opened up the envelope and took out the papers inside them. She read over them, becoming angry as she read that it said. Indeed, Zayn has been given a medication he wasn't meant to take and was what caused his aggression.

Miss Clara immediately got up and stormed out of her desk. She walked along the hallways until she reached where she wanted to go. Next to Dr.Charles and Peter was Tyler, with a bandage on his nose, talking to them about the incident. Miss Clara stalked over, making all three men look up at her once she was close enough, she slapped the paper onto Dr.Charles chest, surprising the man before her fist connected with Tyler's nose, making a horrible crack sound yet again.

Tyler gasped as his hands flew up to his nose, crying in pain. Peter grabbed Miss Clara and held her back, extremely confused at what had just happened. Dr.Charles was looking over the paper Miss Clara had given him, and frowned. "Tyler, you're in charge of Mr.Malik's medications, would you like to explain why he was given a medication he wasn't prescribed?" Tyler's eyes widened as blood flowed down his face from his nose.

"Tyler." Dr.Charles said sternly, making Tyler look away. "Now!" The man yelled making Tyler step back.

"I gave him a different medication that I knew would cause him to get aggressive so he wouldn't be released anymore and would have to stay here!" He confessed, Miss Clara glaring at him.

"You're fired." Dr.Charles replied, looking away from Tyler.

"And trust me when I say that after I'm done filling in your files, you will never work as a nurse anywhere else again." He said before he waved Tyler off, Peter dragging him away and out of the institution. Miss Clara looked at Dr.Charles as he looked over the results once again, "How did you know?"

"Ruby, told me." Liam and Ethan looked at each other before looking at Ruby, "We're so proud of you." Ruby smiled and blushed lightly.

"I wouldn't have done it if it hadn't been for you two, and don't worry I'll let Zayn know you helped." She smiled, making them both smile before they disappeared again.

 


	16. Chapter 16

** March  **

 

Zayn looked around his hospital room, as he sat on the edge of the bed, facing away from the door. He took everything in, even though there wasn't much, the walls were blank, white with nothing on them. He slowly stood up and made his way towards the window, looking out beyond the unbreakable glass and metal bars that were just outside the window. Zayn stared at the trees, nurses and doctors moving from on building to another, the green grass that was being mowed by a few men.

In the distance he saw a yellow cab make its way towards the institution, he knew he was to leave soon, but he couldn't help but feel sad. He stepped away from the window looking around the room once again.

When Zayn woke up hours later after being sedated, he wasn't strapped down to the bed, and Miss Clara was sitting in the chair next to his bed. She explained to him what had happened with Tyler, with the tests they had done with Zayn's blood, her punching Tyler, Dr.Charles firing Tyler and him being dragged out of the facility.

She told him that even though Dr.Charles had said he wouldn't be released because of his violent act, he forgot about that when they found the real reason why Zayn had gone violent and he was sure it wouldn't happen again once he left. Zayn crossed his arms over his chest staring at the spot he had last seen Ethan and Liam at, he tensed up slightly and took a deep breath. He was now wearing a black shirt, dark jeans and his converse.

"I know I can't see you or hear you anymore, but I'm sure you're somewhere around here, and I just want to say, I'll miss you." Zayn said as he looked around. Ethan and Liam were standing right in front of him, looking at him as he looked everywhere trying to catch a glimpse of the two people he spent months talking to and seeing. He sighed once he realized he would see nothing.

"Take care." Ethan said, before he disappeared, just as Liam spoke. "I love you, Zayn." He said before he disappeared right after Ethan, both for the very last time.

Zayn shivered and the room become cold suddenly, despite being the only person there the entire time, the room now feeling empty and lonely. Zayn choked out a sob because that probably meant Liam and Ethan had been in the room but we're now gone, forever. He looked around frantically trying to see them one last time, but he couldn't, he didn't.

He calmed himself down because he didn't want a nurse or doctor walking in and watching him act that way and feel as though he hadn't recovered. He did, he had. He just needed to say goodbye to them but he wasn't able to. He wipes his eyes from the tears that were spilling and took a deep breath. He looked up when he heard a light knock on the door, Ruby peeking her head.

Zayn smiled immediately and walked over as the little girl entered the room, he picked her up and hugged her tightly. Ruby quickly hugged him back letting herself cry as she held onto Zayn for dear life.

"I'm going to miss you, Zayn" she whispered through her tears. Zayn sniffled and held her close, crying himself. "I'll miss you too, beautiful" he held her for a few more minutes before he set her down. Just in time too, Kelly walked into the room smiling fondly at him.

"It's time, Zayn." She said, Ruby taking her hand as Zayn nodded. All three of them walked out of the room, Zayn taking one last glance at the room before he turned back around and followed Kelly and Ruby down the hallway. As they walked down the hall, nurses and security guards would smile at Zayn and pat him on the back or give him a small nod.

Zayn would smile back at them. He walked past the reception, waving goodbye to Will and the other two nurses that were sitting there. He stood quiet while they stood in the elevator making their way down to the first floor.

_Ding_

Zayn looked up as the elevator doors opened, he took a deep breath and stepped out with Kelly and Ruby just a step ahead. He followed them all the way to the lobby, where Zayn gasped as he took in the sight in front of him.

"Good job, Zayn!" Was what the banner above the main exit read. A few balloons here and there, and most of the nurses and staff standing together as they looked at Zayn.

They split apart as his parents and sisters stepped forward. Zayn teared up badly as he took it all in. Miss Clara, Dr.Charles and Dr.Brooks all walked over to him each hugging him and saying they were proud of his quick recovery. He looked towards the reception, where Sarah was waiting, sniffling and a tissue in her hand as she looked at Zayn.

All four walked over, Dr.Charles being the first to sign his release forms, then Dr.Brooks, followed by Miss Clara and lastly Zayn himself. Sarah hugged him quickly, Zayn hugging her back as he cried silently, have becoming very close to the boy. They pulled away, Zayn smiling lightly at her before he made his way to his family. They took him into a group hug and held him tightly, Zayn feeling loved and missed.

"We're so proud of you" His mother whispered, making Zayn smile at her. They pulled away enough for Zayn to look at them all.

"Time to go" His father said as he held Zayn's suitcase in his hand, which Zayn hadn't noticed had been given to him. Everyone waved and sniffled, smiling as they watched Zayn walk out of the facility with his family.

Once he stepped out of the building, he took a sigh of relief. He felt better, normal, and himself again. They walked towards the cab, the nurses and guards standing right outside the facility, not going down the steps.

Everyone piled into the cab, Zayn being the last so he ended on the window seat. He smiled as he looked out to everyone and waved at them as the cab began to pull away. He turned back to look at them through the rear window.

Just like in his dream from two months ago, he watched the institution become smaller as they drove off, soon disappearing in the distance. Zayn then turned around to face the front, his family looking at him, happy to have him around again.

"What's the first thing you want to do when we get home?" His sister, Doniya asked.

Zayn thought for a moment before he replied, "I want to have a meeting with Mr.Curran and Liam's parents." His family looked at him confused but didn't question if further letting him be.

Soon Zayn would be home. A home where he would have to live a life without Liam, something he really hadn't been doing. He had been breathing, but not living.

 

***

 

"Is that Zayn?"

"Oh my god, Zayn??"

"It's Zayn!"

He heard people gasp as he made his way down the hallways of the school, Liam's parents behind him. He didn't acknowledge anyone, he was there to take care of something and that was the only thing he was worried about. He held the door open for Karen and Geoff to walk into the principal's office, him entering after them.

They all took a seat as Mr.Curran stayed quiet waiting for Zayn to be the one to speak first since he was the one who asked for the meeting. Zayn was sitting in the middle chair right across Mr.Curran, Karen to his left and Geoff to his right.

"Alright, shall we start?" Mr.Curran asked, Liam's parents looking at Zayn since they themselves didn't know what the meeting was about.

"Being in that institution made me aware that Liam might never come back, others have probably been aware of that already. Longer than it took me to realize. Yet, I don't think anyone will ever miss him the way I will, not even his parents. He was their child, yes. But he was the man I was in love with, and the love they feel for him is extremely different from the one I feel for him. Probably always will feel."

"I spent my entire life growing up alongside Liam, I grew up loving him with every piece of fiber in my body. I grew up going through the stages of wanting to do sports as kids, through the awkward stages of puberty in middle school, and through the stages of falling in love in high school with him. I walked these hall ways with him by my side, never once giving up on each other." He said as he felt tears well up in his eyes, his throat closing up slightly. But he cleared his throat before he continued.

"Liam did so much for this school, he brought the football team out of the gutter and made them champions. He was one of the smartest students here, let alone the UK. Liam brought life and energy to this school. Making everyone want to work harder to achieve greatness and to never give up. And I think that should be recognized." Karen took his hand squeezing it gently. Mr.Curran nodding as Zayn spoke, not once interrupting.

"Which is why I'm here to ask for that. As valedictorian of this year's senior class, I ask you for this. Because I know the senior class would agree with me on this." Mr.Curran stayed quiet for a few minutes, think through everything Zayn had just said.

"How about this, we'll recognize him. We will. I suggest we get his senior portrait framed and placed on the hall of fame in the main hallway, along with other students that have walked through these halls and achieved greatness." Zayn stared at him, letting the tears spill down his cheeks. "Not only that, but I think it's best we rename the football field." Zayn gasped at that, not believing what he was hearing.

"Liam J. Payne field." Mr.Curran said, now making Karen and Geoff tear up and cry along with Zayn. "What do you say?" Zayn nodded quickly as he stood up and hugged both of Liam's parents, they hugged back and cried.

 

***

 

Two weeks later, the football team, dance team, and a few other seniors were all standing in the hall of fame hallway in the school, Liam's family, Zayn's family, the staff of the school and Zayn were there as well. In front of Zayn, on the wall, was a frame, covered in a white sheet waiting to be taken off and reveal the picture underneath it.

The football team were all wearing their jerseys, the dance team were all wearing their dance shirts, Zayn as well since he had returned to be captain, Harry and Eleanor extremely happy to just be a part of the team, the role of co-captains being too much for them. Harry, Eleanor, Louis and Niall stood next to Zayn. Mr.Curran standing by the covered frame, a microphone stand in front of him. He tapped the end lightly before he spoke into it.

"Thank you to everyone he is here today, this day meaning so much to our senior class, and to a family who have lost someone they dearly loved." He started, Zayn looking over at Karen and Geoff. "This entire idea was brought up by another senior, Zayn Malik. Who was this person's best friend, boyfriend, other half and partner in crime. He wanted to honor this person for all he did and what he's still doing despite no longer being here with us, encouraging people to never give up." A few people glanced over at Zayn, Harry squeezing his hand gently.

"Zayn, would you do the honor?" Mr.Curran said, Zayn nodded letting go of Harry's hand as he made his way towards the microphone. Zayn being the only one from the dance team to not wear his dance shirt, he was wearing Liam's old jersey like he had in homecoming.

"Again, thank you for being here. I know most, if not all, of you know who I am, and who I was to Liam. I grew up alongside this boy, and let me tell you it wasn't easy. Not one bit, but he made it seem easy by supporting me in everything I wanted to do, and me supporting him in everything he wanted to do. This past summer, we talked about our future and when the question, "How do you see your future going?" came up, Liam's answer was; "I don't know what my future holds. I don't know what will happen between now and then. What I do know is that I want to inspire people and show them to never give up. I want to be an inspiration, and I might not do that, but it's worth dreaming." What he doesn't know is, that despite him no longer being here, he did just that."

"Harold Styles, accepted to Princeton with a full scholarship, a boy who was afraid to be himself but Liam helped along the way. Louis Tomlinson, accepted to Cambridge with a full scholarship, a boy who didn't think he was good enough for football only to have Liam pressure him into trying out and thus making the team. Niall Horan, accepted to Oxford also full scholarship, a boy who was shy and closed off to the world, is now the loudest person and most out spoken person you'll ever meet, because Liam reached out to him when no one else would. Eleanor Calder, accepted to Manchester full scholarship as well, a girl who would stay quiet in fear of being judged and made fun of, Liam showed her to be herself and to ignore what people said about her, because only the opinions of the people who loved her were the ones that mattered." He said, making a few people smile and his friends tear up.

"Then there's me, Zayn Malik. Accepted to Cambridge, Yale, Princeton, Harvard, Manchester, and Birmingham, all with full scholarship. I was the boy who was closed off to everyone like Niall was, but I wasn't the type to be able to make friends, at all. I could never carry out a conversation, too nervous to say the wrong thing at the wrong time. So I was alone, with only one friend at the time, that one friend being Liam. He helped me come out of my shell, helped me come out to my family, helped me get into dance something he knew I loved and helped me learn to love myself. Liam does know he's already an inspiration to many, he didn't understand that, he thought "it's what friends do, help each other". So here I stand today, to honor this boy, for all he's done and for all his memory will continue doing." Zayn turned around and grabbed the ends of the white sheet, pulling them until it fell, revealing Liam's picture.

Everyone clapped, he turned to see people crying, smiling and sniffling. He looked over at Liam's parents who stared at their son's picture, being honored and appreciated by being put in the hall of fame. Zayn smiled at the picture of his boyfriend and thought about how his life would be now. How all he had left to feel whole was this photograph.

 


	17. Chapter 17

"Zayn!" Zayn turned around at the call of his name, Niall dashing down the hallway dodging students and even teachers. The blonde reached him and smiled widely, Zayn chuckled and they both walked down towards English.

"So how are you, mate?" Niall asked as they entered their nearly empty classroom, taking their seats. The desk where Liam used to sit still empty, no one would dare sit in it.

"I'm feeling good, it's still something to get used to you know? Not having him around and all, but what can I do? The police have no clues on where he could have gone or where he could be, nothing." Zayn said, Niall nodding as he spoke.

The classroom began filling up, people smiling at Zayn and Niall as they entered and took their seats, waiting for their teacher to come in. "Are you going to be the one to cut the ribbon for the field ceremony like you did for the hall of fame ceremony?" Niall asked as everyone finally sat down.

Zayn nodded turning to face Niall, "Yeah, Mr.Curran thinks I should since it was my idea to recognize him somehow and the fact I was his boyfriend." Niall smiled, a few students joined in on their conversation, actually liking the idea of the field being renamed in honor of Liam.

"Did you all hear? There's a new student in school" Danny said, making everyone frown. "New student? This time of year?" Niall asked, Zayn shrugging.

"Yeah, apparently his parents had to move so here he is." Danny added.

"How the hell do you know this?" Blake chipped in from behind Niall, Danny shrugged before he replied.

"I heard the secretary in the main office say that as I passed by, dunno." Everyone nodded, their teacher walking in and walking over to his desk. He looked over at his student before sitting down on his chair.

"Students please get into groups of four and begin discussing the poem we read last class." He waved at them, soon enough everyone broke into their groups, Niall, Danny and Zayn ended up together since there was no one else to be in their group since they were all complete.

They didn't discuss the poem though, they discussed the ceremony that would take place on Friday afternoon.

They heard the classroom door open but they took no importance over it, as they planned on what to do Friday. "I think we should all wear shirts with Liam's picture in the front and his name and football number on the back, you know?" Danny suggested.

"That'd be cool but do you think they'll have them ready on time? I mean it's Monday, and by the time we ask for sizes, gather up the money and get the shop to start on them, it will be past Friday" Niall said, Zayn sighing.

"I'm sure Mr.V will get them done quickly, he liked Liam, and he knew how much the school and community cared for him." Danny said, Niall nodding to that.

"Mr. Horan, come here please." Their teacher called, Niall groaned and got up walking to his teacher's desk.

"Can I pick the picture we use for the shirts?" Zayn asked Danny, who laughed softly.

"Of course, Zayn. He was your boyfriend anyways" Zayn smiled, nodding. He had to look through his pictures to find his favorite one of Liam. Niall walked back to the group and sat down on his desk.

Zayn heard a chair being moved to their group, so he looked up his eyes going wide, as he gasped quietly. The new student was in his class and now in their group, he sat down next to Zayn, Zayn not being able to take his eyes off him. Making Niall kick him from under the desks, Zayn looked at Niall but quickly looked back at the guy sitting next to him.

It was Ethan.

Ethan was sitting right next to him, Zayn didn't know what to say or do, so he only stared at the guy.

Danny and Niall looked at each other confused before looking back at Zayn, who was still staring at Ethan. Ethan, looked at Zayn and smiled.

"Hey, I'm Chris." He said extending his hand out to Zayn. Zayn blinked as he shook Eth- Chris' hand.

"Zayn" he said before letting go of his hand. "Where are you from?"

"London." Chris nodded, before he shook Danny's hand, Danny saying his name to introduce himself. Niall kept staring at Zayn confused as to why he had reacted that way when he saw Chris.

"Do you two know each other?" Niall asked moving a finger between Zayn and Chris. Chris raised an eyebrow as he looked at Zayn, tilting his head to one side in thought.

"Hm, no don't think so." Zayn looked back at him shaking his head slowly before looking over at Niall. "No." He said.

"So why did you move to Bradford, Chris?" Danny asked, Zayn kept his gaze on his desk, not wanting to look at Chris any longer. He looked exactly like Ethan and that worried him, confused him and scared him all at the same time.

"My parents, well they, they died in a car crash and I had to come live here with my aunt. My father's sister." He said, his voice cracking slightly at the end but he recovered by clearing his throat.

"Oh, we're sorry to hear that." Niall said frowning at Chris and how he smiled sadly shrugging lightly.

"Not your fault, it's life." He said looking up at Niall. "People come and go, some unexpectedly and others with reason" Zayn slowly looked up to look at Chris, who looked back at him.

"I'm sorry about your boyfriend, the secretary told me about it while I waited for my schedule."

"How did you know he was my boyfriend? Like how did you know it was me who lost a boyfriend?" Zayn said, completely ignoring the looks Danny and Niall were giving them.

"For one, she told me Zayn Malik lost his boyfriend, Liam Payne. You introduced yourself as Zayn, so I figured. And two, I can tell when someone is trying to mend their broken heart." Chris said as he looked back at Zayn.

Zayn finally looked away, getting up quickly and walking out of the classroom. "Did I say something wrong?" Chris asked softly, Niall shaking his head as they stared at door.

Their teacher didn't say anything, since Zayn still has the whole "leave and enter class when feeling bad" permission thing from Mr.Curran. "No, don't worry I'm sure he's okay." Niall reassured him, Chris nodding slowly.

Zayn was sitting on the bleachers staring out into the football field, the sky was clear and the sun was bright. He remembered when Liam and him skipped class their freshmen year.

_"Leeyum, no we're gonna get caught!" Zayn whispered yelled as Liam held him against his body kissing Zayn's jawline. Liam chuckled as they were hiding under the bleachers, Zayn's back against one of the many metals holding the seats up._

_"It's just one class, Zaynie" Liam whispered as he looked at Zayn, who blushed and smiled. Zayn wrapped his arms around Liam's neck as Liam held his waist, their foreheads pressed against each other's. They had decided to skip their first class and sneak off to the football field and just be together._

_Zayn looked up at Liam before he leaned down and kissed Zayn's neck, earning a squeal from the slightly shorter lad. Zayn closed his eyes and played with Liam's hair as he kissed and sucked on Zayn's neck, making soft moans escape from Zayn's lips. Zayn blushed when that happened, Liam pulling away to look at him, chuckling softly. Zayn smiled at him before he lifted his head up to connect his lips to Liam's, Liam immediately kissing back, their lips moving in perfect sync._

_Liam's tongue lightly grazing Zayn's bottom lip, Zayn parting his lips to allow Liam to slide his tongue into his mouth. Liam massaged his tongue against Zayn's, both of them moaning quietly into each other's mouths. Zayn swirled his tongue around Liam's before he lightly bit down on it, making Liam groan and squeeze his hips._

_They pulled away breathless, both chucking softly as they looked at each other. They stayed quiet for a little while, trying to regain their breaths, Zayn looked down at the ground between them before he slowly looked back up to Liam._

_"What are you thinking about, baby?" Liam whispered as Zayn blushed lightly, too embarrassed to tell Liam what he was thinking._

_"It's embarrassing" he whispered back, Liam shook his head and encouraged him to tell him by lightly pecking his lips. "I just.. I was just thinking about how you and I will one day be intimate.. You know like.." Zayn groaned feeling completely embarrassed, Liam chuckling softly at his reaction._

_"Please don't make me say it." Liam held him close, his lips close to Zayn's ear, whispering, "You mean make love, baby?" Zayn shivered and blushed deeply as he nodded slowly, avoiding to look at Liam so he wouldn't see how much Zayn was blushing._

_"We'll do it when we're both ready and want to." Liam added, Zayn finally looking at him. Liam smiled at his boyfriend, leaning down to kiss him softly, Zayn kissing him back as he smiled against his boyfriend's lips. Never being able to get enough of Liam's lips against his own._

"Hey" Zayn jumped as he looked to his left to see Chris standing there, his hands in his pockets. "May I?" He asked pointing to the seat next to Zayn, earning only a nod from the lad. Chris sat down next to him, looking out into the field. Not saying anything.

"Listen, I'm sorry if I said something that might have upset you or hurt you, I didn't mean to." Chris said after minutes of silence, Zayn looked at him, shaking his head.

"No, you didn't. I just didn't think anyone could tell when someone was still broken despite looking better than ever." Zayn explained, Chris looking at him.

"No one can't expect someone to be completely fixed and like new after losing someone who meant the world to them, someone who you loved more than anything or anyone else in this world." Zayn nodded slowly as he looked down at his hands. "You know, I might not be able to understand the empty feeling you're specifically feeling, but I know what one similar to yours feels like."

Chris said as he looked back out to the field, Zayn looking at him. "I lost my adoptive parents, the only two people I ever needed in my life. The only people from my entire family that actually cared. And the only real reason I came to live with my aunt is because I'm 17, and she was the only family member that was willing to take me in because she'll be receiving money to be able to sustain me." He shrugged, Zayn frowning at that.

"I'm sorry.." Zayn whispered, Chris turning to look at him with tears welling up in his eyes, but a smile on his lips.

"It's okay, at least I know they're watching over me. Probably just like Liam is watching over you." Chris patted Zayn's shoulder gently before he got up and left.

Zayn watching him leave and disappear back into the school. Zayn shivered as a cold breeze hit him, before he stood up and walked back into the building, having missed three periods. He entered the building, the hallways filled with students as they left for lunch.

He walked towards his locker, Niall, Harry, Louis, and Eleanor waiting for him. "Where'd you go?" Niall asked as soon as Zayn reached them. The rest looking at him worried.

"Football field, needed to think." He said as he pressed his back to the lockers. "I miss him" They all looked at him, not knowing what to say in fear of making Zayn cry or upsetting him.

"Would be crazy of me to get his named tattooed?" He said pushing himself off the lockers and walking away towards the cafeteria. Everyone's eyes widened as they quickly followed him.

"A tattoo? Of Liam's name?" Louis asked as he walked next to Zayn, Zayn nodding as a response.

"Where?" Harry asked walking on the other side of him. Zayn shrugged as they entered the cafeteria.

"My chest maybe, close to my heart." He said making his way to the table they had always sat on.

"But wouldn't that be weird? Like what if you move on and get with someone else and like when you're having sex they see Liam's named forever on your skin." Niall said earning a smack on the head from Eleanor, and a glare from Louis and Harry.

"If that was to happen, they either deal with it or leave. Everyone needs to understand my one and only love is and always will be Liam James Payne." Zayn said as he sat down, everyone else doing the same. They looked at him, determination on his face, and a smile on his lips. He wanted that, he wanted Liam's name permanently inked on his skin, forever.

"We'll be there with you when you get it then." Harry said, making Zayn smile wide. The others nodding and smiling as well.

 


	18. Chapter 18

Friday soon came, Niall, Danny, Blake and Zayn had been able to convince Mr.V to make the shirts quicker than usual, and had also been able to get everyone's sizes and the money for the shirts. Basically, they asked every senior that if they wanted a shirt, for them to bring the money for their shirt and fill out a form with their name, size, and phone number.

By Wednesday they had gotten 98% of the senior class to do so, so they went ahead and put in their order with Mr.V, who was hesitant to take the order but took it anyways once he realized it was for the ceremony renaming the football field in Liam's honor. So he had his workers work night and day on them, paying them overtime of course.

Friday morning, Zayn, Niall, Louis, Harry, and Eleanor all went down to Mr.V's shop before school and pick up the shirts. They were amazing. It had Liam's picture in the front, the one Zayn had picked. It was one where Liam had been staring out into the distance and Zayn had snapped a picture of him without Liam noticing. Liam was smiling, his eyes wrinkled at the corners and it was perfect. The sleeves were to reach around the elbows, so half sleeves, they were dark purple. On the back of the shirts it had 'Liam J. Payne' and right below it, it had a '29' And just below that, slightly smaller was 'friend, inspiration, love and angel'. They all quickly grabbed theirs and put it on, Zayn tearing up slightly but not crying. He said he wouldn't cry, at least not so early.

The guys all took the boxes, while Eleanor held the door open for them. They all thanked Mr.V on their way out the shop and made their way to Zayn's car. They placed the boxes in the trunk and had a group hug, with Zayn in the middle.

"Let's get going then, we need to hand all these out." Harry said, they all nodded and all piled into the car. Zayn getting into the driver's seat, Eleanor in the passenger seat, Louis, Niall and Harry in the back seat. Zayn drove to school, still being slightly early but they didn't care.

They needed to get to school to set up the table in which they would be handing out the shirts at. They had told all the seniors that had paid for a shirt how everything would work out. They would set up two tables in the cafeteria, and the students were to take their copies of the receipt and form they filled it out, in order to get their shirt. Their system would be that, Eleanor and Zayn would check their copies and mark them off, on the copies and on a packet of names they had of the names of everyone that paid for a shirt. That way no one would be able to use someone else's receipt to get a shirt for free, once the copies and named are marked off there unusable.

The only reason they were doing that is so that no one would get short changed and not receive a shirt they paid for and having someone get a shirt they didn't pay for.

Zayn drove into the parking lot, parking the car towards the front of the building. He stopped the car turning to look at his friends who were already looking at him.

"We're very proud of you." Eleanor said as she reached over and took Zayn's hand in hers, squeezing it gently.

"We know that wherever Liam is, he's proud of you too." Louis added, Zayn smiled softly as he turned to look at each of them. "I hope so" he said as he let go of Eleanor's hand and slipped out of the car, his friends following suit.

The guys once again carried the boxes while Eleanor opened the doors for them to go through. They walked towards the cafeteria, and once they entered they saw a line of students patiently waiting for them to arrive. They all smiled once they saw the five, Eleanor ran towards the table sitting down pulling out the packet of names they created out of the folder she had brought with her. The guys walked over setting all the boxes down on the table behind the one Eleanor sat down on. Zayn walked over to her while the others opened boxes and set up as well.

"Hey, thank you all for patiently waiting for us. And as you all know you must have your copy of the receipt and form you guys filled out this week to receive your shirt. You will walk over hand those over to Eleanor or myself, we will mark you off and you will go to either Harry, Louis or Niall, whom you will tell your shirt size after they have confirmed you've been marked off. They will hand you your shirt and you're off." Zayn said earning a few nods from some of the students in the line, more walking in as he spoke.

Eleanor looked up at him smiling, Zayn smiled back at her before he sat down next to her asking the first two people to step forward, both of them immediately beginning to mark them off. Harry, Louis and Niall working quickly to hand out all the shirts. Zayn watched as people would smile as they received their shirts, most of them leaving to the restroom to change into them, wearing them proudly. They were there for around an hour and a half, finally handing out the shirts to the last students.

"Well that was easier than I thought." Eleanor said turning to look at the guys, who smiled and nodded. They looked over at Zayn who continued to page through the packet making sure everyone who had been there had been marked off. He looked up at them, and smiled.

"We did good, why don't you guys grab your family's shirts and I'll take my family's and Liam's family's shirts afterwards." Zayn said, all four nodding as they each took out a page with the sizes of the shirts they needed, soon having the shirts in their hands. The shirts that were left were the ones Zayn needed to take home and the ones he needed to deliver to the faculty members who ordered one.

"We'll see you later, Zayn" They all waved as they walked out of the cafeteria to go to their class. Zayn was left behind to clean up, he threw away the boxes that were empty and took the box that had his family's and Liam's family's shirts plus the ones he still had to deliver to the faculty around school. He left the cafeteria and made his way towards the parking lot, he opened the trunk of his car taking out all the shirts he was to take home leaving the ones he had to deliver in the box. He closed his trunk and walked back into the school to begin delivering shirts to teachers, coaches, secretaries, securities, administrators, and janitors.

He finished by the time lunch was about to start, he ended with two shirts in his hand. One he had ordered in Liam's size, just in case, and an extra one that had been made accidentally. He was so focused on the shirts in his hand he hadn't been watching where he was going, he bumped into someone causing them both to fall to the floor.

"Oh my god, I'm sorry" he quickly stood up and held his hand out to the person, who happened to be Chris. Chris chuckled and took Zayn's hand as he stood up.

"It's alright, mate. No worries."

"Nice shirt" he said pointing at Zayn's shirt, causing him to smile then frown.

"Didn't you get one?" Zayn asked him, Chris shaking his head as a response. "No, I wanted to but you know how I told you my aunt only took me in for the money? Well she won't hand over any of it, not even after I told her that most of the seniors would be getting them but she refused"

Chris shrugged, Zayn looked down at shirts in his hand before handing Chris the one that wasn't Liam's. Chris looked at the shirt then at Zayn.

"Take it, it was an extra and well you can have it." Zayn smiled, Chris bit his bottom lip gently.

"Are you sure?" He asked Zayn who nodded and nudged the shirt at Chris, who took it smiling softly.

"Thanks" he said as he looked over it, Liam's picture making him smile sadly and look at Zayn, "I hope that he knows what an amazing boyfriend he has, and that he comes back and never again leaves you."

"I can only hope." Zayn said, Chris patted his shoulder before he began walking off, "Thanks again, see you later Zayn" Zayn waved at him as he disappeared down the hall.

As much as Chris looked exactly like Ethan, Zayn felt that maybe Ethan hadn't completely left him. So he was determined to keep Chris in his life.

 

***

 

"Welcome everyone! Good evening!" Mr.Curran said into the microphone. There was a stage in the middle of the football field, one the janitors had set up facing the bleachers. The bleachers were full, some people needing to stand in the sidelines since it was packed. Mr.Curran, Zayn, Louis, Liam's football coach and a few teachers were standing around the stage.

"Today, we are here to honor an amazing student who has a place in all of our hearts. But I think it's best if someone whose heart belonged to Liam be the one to honor him here tonight. Zayn Malik."

The crowd cheered as Zayn smiled and stepped up to the microphone as Mr.Curran stepped aside to be with the rest of the people on stage.

"Hello everyone, I'm Zayn Malik, and for those of you who don't know, I am Liam's boyfriend. I say I am because if Liam's reason for disappearing was because he thought he could get rid of me that way, he is truly mistaken. If wants to break up, he would actually have to come back because he isn't getting rid of me any time soon." Zayn smiled as a few people chuckled.

"Anyways, I am very honored to be the one to honor Liam here tonight, in presence of all of you, his family at most. Liam was the type of person to care so much about others, he always put his family first no matter what and was always there to lend a hand. I grew up alongside this guy, I was his best friend before I became his boyfriend. I watched him grow and become the person he was- is."

Zayn looked around the crowd, seeing some people smile and other look like they were about to tear up. "I watched him go through so much, like the awkward puberty moments when he'd be talking and suddenly his voice would get high pitched then extremely deep and go back to normal in a matter of seconds." Again the crowd chuckled a bit before he continued.

"But I also watched him be the one to dedicate his time and effort into the football team, motivating them and helping them out to win three championships three years in a row."

"I've known Liam since we were 5, therefore I witnessed so much happen to Liam that no one else did. I witnessed Liam go from being the little boy who once ran around in batman underwear with a black blanket tied around his neck like a cape, all around his parents’ house, to being the guy who would stand up for people, never letting them get hurt because he cared. He went from the little adorable boy who would dress up as woody and was fascinated with action figures and comic books, to a handsome guy who had a passion for football and sports who was fascinated with action figures and comic books." Zayn chuckled softly along with a few people in the crowd.

"I believe that one of the best things to happen to a person is being able to watch the person they are completely in love with, grow and become a wonderful person. And I am so happy to have had that happen to me, I am so happy to have seen my adorable baby go from a chubby cheeks to a strong brave soul." He scanned the crowd once again his eyes landing on Liam's parents, who were smiling softly at him tearing up slightly. Zayn looked up at the sky, which was now in shades of pink, orange and light purple. He smiled before he took a deep breath to continue speaking.

"So, I am here tonight to honor Liam James Payne, by presenting this to everyone." The football team walked over, all of them carefully carrying a stone plaque, making their way towards the stage. "But in order to officially honor Liam, can I please have his parents, my friends Niall, Harry, Eleanor and Chris, as well as the rest of the football team join us on stage"

Chris looked extremely confused as to why Zayn wanted him to join them up on stage, since those people up there were people that knew Liam, that had been in his life and that actually got to say Liam was their friend. Chris didn't, he had just come to this school, but he didn't want to disappoint Zayn so he made his way to the stage following everyone else he called over.

They all stood behind Zayn, Louis and Mr.Curran, who were standing in front of the stone plaque that would be later on placed at the entrance of the field for everyone who enters to see it.

It read; "This football field is named after a student who was well known around the community and school, who would do anything for others. An athlete, a friend, a son, a brother, an inspiration and a loved one. Liam James Payne, Class of 2015." Louis held up the end of a gold ribbon, Mr.Curran holding up the other end in front of Zayn, Zayn was handed a pair of scissors for him to cut it with.

"Without further ado, ladies and gentlemen, I present to you" he said as cut the ribbon with the scissors, "Liam J. Payne field!" Then everyone cheered and they all began running towards the field, Zayn returning the scissors as everyone on stage joined in on a group hug.

As much as everyone was happy and celebrating Liam's memory, Zayn couldn't help but still feel sad, even though he didn't show it. He looked around as everyone hugged and admired the plaque, he quickly walked away towards the parking lot, no one really noticing he had left. He leaned at the back of his car, his arms crossed over his chest, staring up at the sky. He heard footsteps, but he didn't turn to see who it was. Soon the person stood next to him and leaned against the car as well.

Zayn looked at Chris and smiled before he looked back at the sky. Chris looking up as well before speaking, "Do you honestly think he'll come back?"

Zayn shrugged before turning back to Chris, "I don't know but I am not keeping my hopes up, whether he comes back or not, I'll always love him. I'll never love anyone like I love him." Chris nodded before he looked at Zayn.

"He'll be back soon. Hopefully."

"We'll see." Zayn replied taking a deep breath staring back at the clear night sky, watching the stars sparkle.

 


	19. Chapter 19

**June **

 

April and May were a bit of a blur for everyone, mostly focusing on finishing off the school year with good grades, finalizing their college and university registrations, doing their final exams, and for Harry, Eleanor, Zayn and the rest of the dance team; going to their dance competition.

Everyone had gone go support them, by everyone it was the three's families, Louis and his family, Niall and his family, Liam's family and Chris. So there was a good amount of supporters towards the Lions dance team at the competition.

Zayn had worked hard to make sure their routine was flawless, and when he first danced it for the rest of his team they were speechless, they loved it and immediately took it upon themselves to work on learning the routine as much as they could. They had Zayn dance it for them, while being recorded, they were able to make dvd's for each member of the dance team so they could go over the routine while at home when they weren't at practice.

The entire dance team gave it their all, you'd see them practice everywhere. They'd practice before school, in the hallways, during lunch, after school, in the weekends and sometimes faculty members would find members of the dance team practicing in the bathrooms.

Zayn, of course, made sure they got lots of rest and weren't behind in school. Surprisingly enough, they were all in excellent standing and always got enough rest. They were ready, Zayn knew it. Mid May, they all traveled to London for the competition. With their hard work and dedication, they won. Four years in a row, with Zayn as their captain. Harry and Eleanor had been extremely relieved to have Zayn back, because as much as they loved to dance, they just weren't cut to be captains. The dance team dedicated their win to Liam, and placed the trophy underneath Liam's picture in the hall of fame.

So now here Zayn stood, in front of his mirror, looking at his reflection. It was a nice day out, sunny but not hot, breezy but not freezing, a great day for a graduation. Zayn looked down at his white button up, the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, his black skinny jeans that looked more like dress pants really, his black shoes and his nicely styled hair. His cap and gown hanging by the door, the purple gown with yellow and green sashes hanging from it as well.

He heard someone clear their throat, he looked up to look behind him from the mirror, his father standing by the door, smiling at his son. He walked over and Zayn turned around to face his father, his father reaching over to fix the collar of his shirt.

"You look very nice, son." Zayn smiled and blushed lightly. "Thank you, baba." Zayn turned back to the mirror, his father looking at him through the reflection.

"We're very proud of you, Zayn." His father said, Zayn looked at him. "You went through a lot, you hit your breaking point, you were at your lowest and would probably not have made it this far. But you did, you got better, you brought yourself back up, you are now at your highest point and will probably go far in life." Zayn turned back to his father tearing up slightly. They hugged each other tightly, both sniffling softly, they pulled away and made their way out of the room, Zayn grabbing his cap and gown on their way out.

Once they were at the school, Zayn had to go his own way, going to the gym where all the graduates were to meet up. He entered and it seemed like most of the seniors were there already, he walked further into the gym finding his friends towards the back. He made his way over, smiling at the sight of them, internally feeling sad because who knew when he would be able to be with them again, like this, carefree and happy, together.

They were all going different paths, Harry leaving to go to uni to study Psychology, Eleanor leaving to attend a dance academy, Louis leaving to be a part of the Doncaster Rovers, Niall leaving to Ireland to meet up with his father, and Chris leaving to London to study English. Zayn bit his lip as he made his way closer to them, Eleanor quickly smiling and running over to hug him.

"Eleanor, I can barely breathe" He gasped, Eleanor giggling as she pulled away. They both finally reached the others, all greeting Zayn and going back to their conversations.

"It's going to be strange" Louis said, everyone looking at him. "We haven't been apart since primary school, well except for Chris but still, we're all like a family here." He frowned, everyone else looking at each other.

"We'll keep in touch." Harry nodded a she reached for Louis' hand, who then laced his fingers with Harry's. Zayn, Eleanor, Niall and Chris all looked at them then at their joined hands, and back at them.

Harry and Louis blushed, before smiling softly at each other and then turning to look at their friends, "It sort of just happened" Louis shrugged.

"I guess" Harry started, "I guess we finally understand how you felt all these years Zayn." Zayn looked up at Harry, confused.

"Being in love with your best friend." Louis and Harry hugged, Harry hiding his face in the crook of Louis' neck. Zayn smiled at them before he looked down at his hands nibbling at his bottom lip.

"Attention students, we need you to line up accordingly and the way we practice. I need Zayn Malik, Harry Styles and Wendy Lane to be at the front since they are the ones that will be sitting on the stage along with the administrators and myself." Mr.Curran said, making all the students quickly put on their cap and gown, and going to their designated places. They formed two very long lines, the administrators leading them, followed by Zayn, Harry and Wendy, then the rest of the graduates behind them.

Soon enough, they all walked out of the gym and made their way to the field, the band playing their school's song as they all passed by. The bleachers filled with happy family members, and friends.

The stage was in the middle again, but this time instead of facing the crowd they would be facing the other way, the chairs in which the students would be sitting in during the graduation would be facing the crowd and the stage. The administrators, followed by Zayn, Harry and Wendy all went up to the stage while the rest of the students filed into their assigned seats. They all took a seat as the cheering from the crowd died down and so did the music the band was playing.

Mr.Curran made his way over to the podium to begin the graduating ceremony. "Good evening, Class of 2015, family and friends. Today is a joyful and memorable day for all these incredible students, as they have now reach a big milestone in their life. Soon to reach even bigger once in the future. We are so very proud of our students and proud of everything they've accomplished in these last four years. I have never seen a class, in my 20 years of teaching, be so united like this one that sits before me." He said making the crowd clap and the students smile.

"You will all be missed so much, but just know that the doors of Tong high will always be open for you. Our loving family."

The crowd cheered loudly as Mr.Curran said that. "Now, I would like for this year's valedictorian to come up and commence the ceremony. Give a warm welcome to Zayn Malik." Zayn smiled, he stood up and made his way towards the podium, shaking Mr.Curran's hand before he walked away. Zayn was extremely nervous, but he didn't let that show, he smiled and looked out at his fellow classmates before he cleared his throat to begin speaking.

"Hello everyone, I hope you're all as excited as I am right now, or probably extremely nervous you might puke at any second like I am right now. It's amazing to think we've come this far, many people believe that graduating high school isn't that big of an accomplishment, but it truly is. How is that an accomplishment you may ask? Well not many kids around the world have the opportunity to attend school let alone graduate from one, so consider us lucky, and consider us the ones to be able to try and change that for them in the future. Let's be their future."

Students and parents clapped softly before letting him continue. "I am glad to say that I am very happy I got to spend my high school years with all of you, yes I might have spent two months locked up in a hospital in the states with nurses and doctors coming in to check on me every few hours but other than that, I am proud to have been a part of this class." A few chuckles were heard when he spoke, and once he couldn't hear them anymore, he continued.

"I won't stand here and tell you that this year wasn't a hard year for me, it was. People may think that I over reacted the way I did all for losing someone I loved. I didn't just lose someone I loved, I lost the one person I was completely in love with and wanted to spend the rest of my life with. He was a huge part of me, still is and always will be, he was one of the people who helped me become the person I am today, without him by my side, things will get difficult but I know I'll make it through. Just how I know you will all make it through."

"Make it through uni and become a professional." Zayn looked back at Harry who smiled at him, "do something you truly love doing." He said as he looked over into the crowd of students to lock eyes with Eleanor. "Moving off to be with those you love." He said as he smiled at Niall. "Going off to do your dream job" He glanced at Louis, who smiled at him. "And proving people wrong and showing them you're stronger than they could possibly think." He looked over at Chris, who smiled and nodded at him.

"So as we go off to uni, to work, to travel, to make new memories and try new experiences, never forget that you'll always do great despite the bumps in the road. Take it from me." He smiled and nodded slightly looking down at his hands. "Therefore, I say to you class of 2015-" he looked up and cut himself off.

His breath hitched and his heart began going hundreds of miles per hour, "Liam..?" He whispered but it was heard all around due to the microphone being on. Everyone quickly turned around in the direction Zayn was looking at. Liam was at the other side of the field, standing there looking back at Zayn, his clothes worn out, he looked different, he looked in bad shape, but he was there.

He was alive.

There were a few gasps before Zayn teared up and quickly jumped off the stage and began running towards Liam, his cap falling off along with his sashes.

He felt as if the run was endless but soon enough he reached him, Liam immediately taking him in his arms. Zayn wrapped his arms tightly around Liam, sobbing into his neck. "It's you, it's really you." He choked out, he felt Liam nod and press him closer to his body.

"It's me, Zaynie. I'm back, baby." Liam whispered, Zayn pulled away just a tad bit enough to be able to grab Liam's face in his hands and press his lips firmly against his. Tears ran down Zayn's cheeks as he kissed Liam who of course kissed him back.

The feeling of Liam's lips moving in sync with his was weird because of not having kissed each other in so long yet extremely satisfying.

Once they finally pulled away, Zayn kept choking out sobs as he stared at Liam. Liam reached up and wiped the tears running down Zayn's cheeks as he looked back at him, "I can't believe It's you.."

"It's me, Zayn it really is. I'm back and I sure as hell am not going anywhere." Liam whispered, Zayn immediately kissing Liam once again, tangling his fingers in Liam's now long hair, as Liam pressed his hands firmly on Zayn's back.

They pulled away breathless and crying, Zayn hugged him once again before they pulled away completely. They looked towards everyone else on the other side of the field, they were standing and watching the two.

Zayn lifted their arms up before yelling loud enough for everyone to hear, "It's Liam! He's back! My baby is back!" That was all everyone needed to quickly run towards them, Louis, Harry, Eleanor, Niall, Chris, Liam and Zayn's families being the first ones to reach them. Liam was immediately engulfed in a hug between his parents, who were, just like Zayn, sobbing uncontrollably.

Soon everyone else joined in making it a group hug, cheers were heard all around, clapping and whistling too. Nobody could believe Liam had returned, Zayn wanted to hold Liam in his arms and not let go of him, he wanted to kiss him until his lips were red and swollen and he wanted to tell him how much he loved him until Liam would ask him to stop.

Except, he had to wait until the end of the graduation. Mr.Curran shook Liam's hand before his parents took him with them to sit at the bleachers and watch the ceremony continue.

Everyone who had gotten up made their way back to their seats, Harry and Zayn going back to the stage. Zayn walked over to the podium again and cleared his throat.

"He's back!" He squealed making people laugh and clap. "As I was saying, I say to you class of 2015, be strong, be brave, and live on."

The students and crowd clapped as Zayn made his way back to his seat, as Mr.Curran took the podium again. Zayn eyes were locked with Liam's, he just couldn't believe he was back, that he was there. Liam's hair was rather long, as well as his beard, he wore different clothes from the day he disappeared but they were worn out and dirty, he looked dirty and was in need of a shower, but despite all that, Zayn had never been happier to see his boyfriend back.

Zayn had been so distracted in staring at Liam that he hadn't realized his name had been called to be the first to receive their diploma, Liam chuckled and shook his head as Mr.Curran called Zayn's name again.

Zayn continued to stare at Liam until he held someone elbowed him in the ribs. He turned to look at Harry and realized everyone had been staring at him. "Zayn? Would you like to receive your diploma or shall we wait until you're done drooling over your boyfriend?" Mr.Curran asked making everyone laugh, including Liam but making Zayn blush.

Zayn stood up and walked over to Mr.Curran who handed him his diploma and shook his hand, Zayn smiled at him before he gave him a hug and whispered 'Thank you so much'. Next was Harry's turn to receive his, followed by Wendy, then the rest of the students in alphabetical order.

The ceremony could not have ended sooner, Mr.Curran then spoke into the microphone, "I present to you, the class of 2015!"

All the students stood up and threw their caps in the air, hugging and cheering. Zayn once again jumped off stage and ran towards Liam, who was waiting for him with opened arms.

This was all Zayn wanted, his Liam back.

 

***

 

After the graduation, instead of going out to dinner like they had originally planned, Zayn, Liam, their families and Chris all went to the hospital. The nurses were surprised to see Liam and immediately took him in to get him checked. The police were called and informed Liam had returned and soon enough after half an hour of having Liam in check up, Detective Richards and two other officers arrived at the hospital.

The doctor informed them that Liam was very underweight and had suffered depression, continued to suffer depression and needed to take medication for it to help him get better. He was basically the way Zayn had been when Liam first went missing, unwell and sad. Once they were able to go in and see Liam, Zayn was quickly at his side holding his hand, his parents on the other side of the bed. Zayn's family stood to the side and Liam's sisters to the other, Chris stood next to Zayn.

The nurses had allowed Liam to shower before letting anyone in, so now he was clean and smelled like hospital soap and shampoo. His hair and beard were still long but they would have to take care of that once they're back home. "How are you feeling, baby?" Zayn asked as he kissed Liam's cheek.

"Much better, with you here, I'm extremely better. I missed you all, and I am so happy to finally be home." He teared up, his parents hugging him again. There was a knock on the door, Detective Richards stepping in.

"Hello, if you all don't mind I need to speak to Liam alone." He said, he received a few nods before Zayn's family, Liam's sisters and Chris stepped out. Liam's parents kissed Liam's forehead before stepping out, Zayn holding tighter to Liam's hand not wanting to leave.

"Zayn, please." Zayn sighed and pecked Liam's lips before he let go of his hand and walking out of the room to let Detective Richards ask Liam some questions.

Zayn stayed with Liam that night, and every night after that until he was released and able to go home. Liam's family didn't mind it at all, since Zayn would leave to let them spend time with Liam, until Zayn had to come back and stay with him during the night.

"How do I look?" Liam asked as he entered his room, Zayn had been laying on his bed waiting for Liam to get out of the shower. Zayn looked up from his phone, smiled once he saw Liam had shaven his beard off leaving very little left, and his hair was up in a man bun. "Great, handsome, like a million bucks."

Liam chuckled and walked over to Zayn on the bed. "Are you going to keep your hair long?" Zayn asked as Liam laid next to him, wrapping his arms securely around Zayn, who laid his head on his chest.

"No, but I can't cut my own hair so" they both smiled and looked at each other. "I missed you so much, Zayn." "I missed you so much, too, Liam."

Zayn leaned up and pressed his lips to Liam's as they kissed, their lips moving in perfect sync. Liam rolled them over so he was on top of Zayn, they pulled away slightly for him to whisper, "I am so proud of you Zayn, so so proud."

Zayn smiled and blushed before he pulled Liam down to connect their lips once again.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will be the epilogue.


	20. Epilogue

Liam spoke to detective Richards at the hospital and told everything that had happened to him. Liam had been kidnapped, his car had run out of gas so he decided to walk to the nearest gas station to buy gas but on the way a black pickup truck stopped in front of him and out came out two men, they each held a gun and pointed it towards Liam. They forced him into the truck and blindfolded him, when Liam began protesting and trying to hit them, they knocked him out.

Afterwards, Liam woke up in a dark basement chained to the wall. He spent months there, being mistreated and beaten, he never understood why he was there or why he had been kidnapped in the first place. The men rarely spoke to him, and rarely went down to the basement to see him. Liam was alone for the most part, never seeing the light of day or the night sky illuminated by the moonlight. His home was a dark nasty basement that had probably held other people before him. He couldn't take it anymore, he needed to find a way out, to get to his family and friends, to be back with his Zayn. Liam had enough time in his hands to think about an escape plan.

After weeks of him planning, which really wasn't much, he was able to escape while the men were out. He ran and ran until he was far enough, soon making his way back to Bradford, which took him weeks to do. He gave detective Richards the details of where he had been and of the men, how he was treated and just everything Liam could remember to tell the detective, soon detective Richards got to work in looking for the two men that had done this to Liam. Searching the areas where Liam had described he thought he was and from where he had run away from, getting police stations from around the country to be on the lookout for the two men as well.

Two weeks later, the two men were found trying to kidnap another guy around Liam's age close to where Liam had been kept in for months and were arrested immediately. A trial was held weeks later, finding the men guilty and sentencing them to life in prison. Turns out they were kidnapping many young men to later use them as 'bait' for their illegal activities resulting in those guys ending up dead. The reason to which they never used Liam went untold, but everyone was happy not knowing the answer as long as Liam was now save and sound.

Liam had been attending therapy sessions with Dr.Knott's colleague, and was also taking medication. And since Liam wasn't as stubborn as Zayn, he wasn't in need to be sent off to an institution to get better, he willingly wanted to get better. Liam slowly regained the weight he had lost, he looked healthier and he looked like he did before he went missing. Unlike Zayn, Liam would actually take his medication which was something that helped him get better sooner than Zayn had.

Also Liam and his parents had a meeting with Mr.Curran and they came into an agreement that if Liam tried his hardest he could graduate in December of that year, so he could still be in the class of 2015. Liam agreed and said he'd work twice as hard to be able to still be in the class he was meant to be. Zayn said he'd help him out so he doesn't stress himself more than he really should.

Zayn played with Liam's hands while Liam watched him, looking at him fondly and admiration. They had just come back from saying goodbye to Chris, who left to London. It was hard for Zayn to say goodbye to someone who in very little time has become his best friend. A week after graduation, Niall left to Ireland, everyone had gone to wish him the best at the airport, and they hadn't heard from him since. Two weeks after Niall left, Eleanor left to New York for the dance academy, she called once a week but doesn't talk for more than five minutes.

Louis left the same week she did, being a new member of the Doncaster Rovers he needed to leave soon to begin all his practicing with the team and all of that. It was harder on Harry to watch Louis leave. Harry kissed Louis as much as he could while they all waited for Louis to board the plane. With Louis being away possibly traveling, and Harry staying in Bradford to go to uni, they would rarely see themselves. That broke Zayn heart, knowing how hard is it to be without the person you love. Lastly, was Chris, once he turned 18 he packed his things and left to London, leaving his greedy aunt behind, who stopped receiving money and soon lost all she had, having to move away with a friend. So now it was just Liam and Zayn, Harry have gone to Ireland for two weeks to visit Niall.

Zayn made sure Liam took his medication, went to his therapy sessions, and did everything he could do to help Liam get better.

"How was it for you?" Zayn asked Liam, still playing with Liam's hands. Liam sighed softly before he replied to Zayn's question.

"It was horrible, I thought I would never get to see you or my family ever again. Being tied up and blindfolded, being taken to somewhere you are unfamiliar with is horrible." Liam took a deep breath before continuing. "I thought it was the end of me. But while I was in that basement, I began seeing you. You were there and I couldn't understand how. But you were and I think that's what gave me the strength to keep going." Zayn stared at the wall before he slowly looked up at Liam.

"I knew it was probably my mind playing games with me, but I saw you. You would tell me that I should escape and come back home. You would help me, you helped me escape." Liam looked back at Zayn. "I hid a screwdriver, a nail file, a nail, and a bobby pin. One of the many bricks from the wall was loose so I slipped it out and hid all of that in there. So when the men left, I got to work. I used all of that to unlock the lock that held me chained to the wall, then unlocked the door that led to the basement. I would have gotten food or a weapon before escaping but I was so scared they would come I just ran."

Zayn looked back down to Liam's hands as he continued to tell him everything. "I think I ran for maybe four days? I'm not so sure, I then got to the city and I realized I was at Wales. So I took directions from people and walked here to Bradford, occasionally hitching rides from a few people but I wouldn't want to abuse so I'd ask them to drop me off after a while."

"But you were always there, you were with me through it all. You walked by my side the entire time, and you were even the one to led me to the graduation. I mean I know it really wasn't you, but it was. You know what I mean? God you probably think I've gone crazy." Liam shook his head, and covered his face with his hands.

"I don't think you're crazy, not at all." Zayn uncovered his face and pecked his lips, he began playing with Liam's hands again. "You know what I went through, you know I saw you too. I don't think you're crazy. It just shows that we need each other more than anything." Liam nodded.

"Zayn?" Zayn looked up from Liam's hands to look at his boyfriend, who was smiling softly at him. "My mum told me she gave you the Christmas present I had been working on, do you still have it?"

Zayn sat up, nodding, "Of course I do. I had to draw a little red heart on one of the sleeves to know which one it was, since I have a few similar white shirts."

He stood up and walked towards his closet. After getting Liam's named tattooed on his chest, that same day, Zayn decided to place uv lights in his closet to be able to see the writing on his shirt. He turned those on, and stepped into the closet, smiling once the writing glowed under the light. He reached over and grabbed it, holding it up admiring the writing on it.

"Baby, mind reading what I wrote?" Liam said from the bed. Zayn chuckled, "I would love to." He moved closer to where the uv lights were brighter and looked down at the shirt.

He cleared his throat before he began reading what the shirt said, "Well, Zayn, what can I say? We've spent approximately 12 Christmases together, this being our 13th. And I wanted to make something for you this year, rather than buying you something like I do every year, but don't worry I also bought you gifts since I wasn't so sure this shirt would work out, hopefully it does. You know, growing up next to you was absolutely amazing, you have always been my best friend and have always been the one to motivate me to do what I've wanted that makes me happy, including you, I'm joking, this is supposed to be nice but here I am ruining it. Anyways, thank you for being the most amazing boyfriend in the entire world, thank you for being mine and making completely and utterly happy." Zayn leaned against the wall before continuing.

"I know you've probably gone into a room just to try and figure out all the shit I did to this shirt, but that's okay, because I know I will love watching you come back and seeing your expression to what I'm about to say next.." He stood up straight and made his way out of his closet looking down at the shirt.

"Baby, what were you going to say next?" Zayn asked as he stepped out, finally looking up only to find himself gasping.

Liam was standing a few feet away from him, Zayn's family to his right and Liam's family to his left. "What are you all doing in my room?" He asked as he looked at them all before looking at Liam.

"What I was going to say next is" Liam said as he stepped closer to Zayn before getting down on one knee, making Zayn's eyes go wide.

"I know we're young, I know we have so much to go through, but I think we've both been through enough hell already to know that the best part of it all was finally being in each other's arms. Zayn, I love you more than anything, more than anyone in this world, so I just have one question. Will you make me the happiest guy on earth by marrying me?" Liam held out a beautiful white gold band, with two diamonds right in the middle.

Zayn looked from the ring to Liam, tearing up terribly before he nodded his head quickly and tackled Liam to the floor. Their families cheered and clapped while Zayn cupped Liam's face placing his lips to Liam's in a passionate kiss, Liam's wrapped his arms around Zayn's smaller waist and held him close. Both smiled into the kiss before pulling away and sitting up. Liam slid the ring onto Zayn's finger before they hugged tightly.

"Don't ever get kidnapped again, I don't know what I would do if I lost you a second time." Zayn whispered making Liam chuckled softly. "I promise I'll try my hardest not to get kidnapped again, baby. Don't worry."

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well that's the end of 'A Year Without You'. It's sad seeing it end honestly, but I loved writing every single chapter and it is one of my favorite fics I've ever written. I hope everyone enjoyed it just as much as I did.  
> This story can also be found on Wattpad under the same name and my username is also the same; Jetaimeleplus.  
> Thank you for reading it, and hopefully I'll be able to write another fic soon.
> 
> Lots of love, Gina xx
> 
>  
> 
> My [tumblr](http://ziamaesthetics.tumblr.com) just in case xx


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